I don't want them talking to her

[Misanthropical]

My MIL is a horrible person who I would not go out of me way to speak to if she wasn't my husband's mother. She was okay till my FIL died and then I became the enemy for some reason.

My husband usually forgets when her birthday is, so this hasn't been an issue till this year when he remembered.

Anyway, she never forgets my husband's two oldest son's birthdays and never forgets to send them something for Christmas. However, when it comes to my and my husband's children together, she can't be bothered to remember their birthdays or even bother to send them even something small for Christmas.

Her birthday just went by and my husband wanted our children to wish her a happy birthday and I didn't want them to bother with it, since she has never shown much interest in them. I lost the fight and my children wished her a happy birthday while I just walked out of the room. They didn't really want to bother either, but their dad insisted and since we always present a united front in front of them I didn't say a word about it in front of them.

Maybe I am being petty about it, but I think it's rude that she would cut off her own arm rather than forget his two oldest children's birthday and would do the same before not sending them something for Christmas, but when it comes to my children she claims to never remember. She has no reason to favor the first wife's children, since the first wife is a horrible person who didn't want to bother with her own children.

The one time she came out to visit, she bought my children worn out used toys with an overly religious theme to them. So, I had to answer my children's questions of why their own grandmother would bring them broken down toys and what all the relgious stuff meant. Yes, my MIL knows we aren't overly religious. My MIL is not religious either, so WTF?

So, am I being petty? Should I back down on letting my husband have our children speak to her on her birthday and Christmas?

Also, my husband is a twin. His own mother will call his sister on their birthday to wish her a happy birthday, but will "forget" to call her own son. Is it any wonder I think she is huge bitch?

[Setsunaela]

honestly, I think that if the kids are old enough to notice that gma doesn't treat everyone fairly, and old enough to not want to be nice to her because of it, don't make them. If the gma in question makes a fuss about it, point out that the children made the decision, not to call on her birthday because they were upset that she didn't call on their birthday, or whatever the case may be. Maybe that'll be enough to open MIL's eyes that even if she happens to dislike you, she's ruining her relationship with some of her grandchildren over it. If it isn't, then it's kinda her loss. Just my opinion, as the child of a gma with clear favoritism against her.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, if they want to wish her happy birthday and whatnot, fine. If they don't, don't make them.

Either way, just let her continue to be the bad guy. Don't stoop to her level. Sometimes, continuing to turn the other cheek in a case like this can get to be like a weapon, if you follow me. When she's so determined to be a jerk, and you're so determined not to notice, eventually, it will start to bug her.

Her goal is to make sure you notice that there is bad blood between you and her. Wanna make her really crazy? Don't even notice it.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I agree...leave it up to the kids and stay out of it as much as you can.

[Misanthropical]

Thanks, guy. I would have left it up to them if their dad hadn't insisted. They didn't want to do it, but did it to make us happy, since the children didn't know I didn't agree with it.

She has no idea how I feel about what she says or does, because we don't speak to each other, unless it's because she called to talk to my husband. I told him that if she asks who I am one more time on the phone I'm going to tell her I'm his mistress.

I swear living 3000 miles away isn't far enough sometimes.

[gremcint]

honestly while you are keeping the peace by biting your tongue all you are going to do is two things, let her know she can get away with it and create an even worse blowup down the line.

I'm not saying to yell at her but just let her know you know what she's doing and it's not welcome. Next time she calls and claims not to know you, do one of two things: just say "you know damn well who it is" or just say that if she doesn't know who you are then she has the wrong number and hang up.

[XCashier]

I agree with gremcint. Lay it on the line. Let her know her behavior is not at all acceptable, that she's being petty and vindictive and robbing herself of the love and enjoyment of her own family. No word games, no "if you have to ask, I can't tell you." Put it in blunt, unmistakeable terms. I'm quite sure she knows she's in the wrong, but having it pointed out to her would be like a bucket of ice water in the face. Might just wake her up.

I just don't understand people like this. Seriously, what is the point of playing favorites, especially to that extent?

[Misanthropical]

gremcint, there is a reason why I'm the one hated daughter in law. I am the only one who has stood up to her and called her out on her bullshit. She didn't talk to her own son for the longest time because he sided with me and not her. I would expect my sons to do the same thing if I upset their future wives.

The other daughter in laws won't call her out on what she does, so they are considered the "good" daughter in laws. I don't really care, since I had my FIL blessing on who I am and what kind of wife I am, so her opinion doesn't matter that much to me.

Her taking it out on my children is what pissed me the hell off, they didn't do a single thing to that woman to have her act the way she does. Her son has pointed it out to her and she denies it and denies it.

[gremcint]

sorry I didn't realize that you have stood up to her in the past.

[Jester]

My husband usually forgets when her birthday is, so this hasn't been an issue till this year when he remembered.

Also, my husband is a twin. His own mother will call his sister on their birthday to wish her a happy birthday, but will "forget" to call her own son. Is it any wonder I think she is huge bitch?

I dare say the two are related. If his sister remembers Mom's birthday, but he doesn't, can anyone really be all that surprised that she conveniently forgets to call him? (I have no idea if sis does call mom, but if so, there's your answer.)

gremcint, there is a reason why I'm the one hated daughter in law. I am the only one who has stood up to her and called her out on her bullshit.

The other daughter in laws won't call her out on what she does, so they are considered the "good" daughter in laws.

And that is why she does what she does to you, and why she favors your husband's children with another woman over yours.

Logical? No. Rational? No. Reasonable? No.

But logic, rationality, and reason have nothing to do with such things.

Yes, your MIL is a raving bitch. But you pretty much pointed out why she does some of the things she does in your own postings. Sure, she's petty. But you can (and in my opinion should) rise above it, and her.

[AnqeiicDemise]

Mis,

Why the hell do I see my relationship with my MIL heading in your direction? And you know what? I agree with you; I wouldn't want my poor kids being victim to her indiference.

My MIL forced her dad to his life-long collection of matchbox cars to fund her trip back home after we kindly told her to buzz off. This collection was acquired with my husband in the latter years and Grampa had chosen to leave this collection (half and half) to Hubs and his brother. She told him he had to sell it because if he didn't do it, she would, and she'd keep the money and not let any of her kids see that money.

So he does.

And now he's sick and dying and she's being such a fucking BITCH about it all, she might just prevent her oldest child spend some quality time with the man who raised him because he can't stand talking to her, period.

Gods help me, I don't want to be that MIL, ever.

[tropicsgoddess]

Damn, sounds like there's quite a bit of CSers with shitty MILs. OP and Demise's MILs would pale in comparison to the MILS on this site: Mother-In-Law Stories.com

[AdminAssistant]

My grandmother was like that to us for a long time. I think it was because my parents had a 'shotgun' wedding; my sister was conceived out of wedlock. So, therefore, we were not equal to our cousins in her eyes. For a long time.

Age sometimes has a way of taking the edge off of people. When I was in high school, I would go over once a week and help her clean her house and take her to run errands (we were the closest family members she had). When I graduated, she paid off my truck and gave me enough money to buy a bedroom suite for my apartment. When she passed away, the lion's share of her belongings went to my Dad, my sister, and me. Of course, her resentment of Mom never really truly went away, but she stopped taking it out on us as much.

[BarbieGirl]

My MIL was kind of like that with birthday's too. Never called my husband but would whine to all the other kids when he didn't call on hers (after we were in a freak snowstorm in Utah in June where we rolled our car 3 times and spent the day in the hospital). But I have at least a semi happy ending so far, We told them to shove it and haven't had contact with her or her husband for just over a year now and the stress in our house has gown down so much. My kids are happier, my husband is, which makes me happier. So I'm all for cutting the witch out!

[AnqeiicDemise]

Damn, sounds like there's quite a bit of CSers with shitty MILs. OP and Demise's MILs would pale in comparison to the MILS on this site: Mother-In-Law Stories.com

wow.. this makes my MIL's hypocrisy sound like flirting.