I can't stand my brother's friend!!

[thegiraffe]

My brother (M) and I used to work at the same grocery store. I've since left the store, but he still works there. I still know most of the store because I was there for 6 years, and there isn't a whole lot of turnover.

One of the cashier/baggers (A) is....shady. I have a really good intuition, and I get a weird feeling about him. I know for a fact that he stole a large sum of money from the cash register several years ago (I'm not sure how much, but we're not talking 50 bucks here). My brother has recently begun hanging out with him, and as such, he's been at the house or whatever. I do NOT like being around him. I'm a really good judge of character, and he screams slimy. He'll be incredibly rude to me one second, then super nice like 5 minutes later. I almost feel like he likes me or something, but he's just shady.

I think that he's a chameleon - he 'adapts' to whatever the situation is around him at the time, but there's nothing real genuine there. I also know that he's loaded (works at a grocery store, drives a Mercedes, and is like 22), has been charged with grand theft from a different store, and is tied up with some not-so-honest people.

My brother and I cleaned the gutters around the pool today, and then I pressure washed half the pool deck. I was tired and fell asleep on the couch. A (as well as like 7 of M's other friends) came over to eat before bowling, and A came over to the couch and waved his hand in my face, then sat in the family room and watched TV with me while everyone else was eating (I had already eaten).

I don't like him, and I don't like him hanging out at the house...or with me. I've expressed my displeasure to my parents and brother, but they don't see what I do. Any ideas? I try to avoid him, and I'm cordial when I can't, but it's not necessarily appropriate to say "I don't like you, please don't talk to me".

He gives me the creeps!!

[iradney]

It's your home too. Why should A come and hang out with you if he's there to visit your brother? IMHO, you have every right to tell A straight up "I don't like hanging out with you - there's my brother, go hang out with HIM."

[Sliceanddice]

yeah the couch thing.... thats.... sounding my alarm bells.
i don't think he would attack you with so many people around but i dont know just reading this made me want to say, install a lock on your bedroom door and stay out of the house when hes around.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I know for a fact that he stole a large sum of money from the cash register several years ago (I'm not sure how much, but we're not talking 50 bucks here).

**Mr. Snippy was here**

I also know that he's loaded (works at a grocery store, drives a Mercedes, and is like 22), has been charged with grand theft from a different store, and is tied up with some not-so-honest people.

Things that make you (or at least me) go hmmmmmmm.....

[thegiraffe]

I wish I could just up and leave....without a job (read: no money for the moment) and no real ties in the area, I don't really have anywhere to go. I could lock myself in my room and watch TV or go online, but my brother doesn't have much discretion. A would ask where I am, M would tell him where, and A would set off on a search to find me. I don't want him knowing (a) where my room is, or (b) what it's like. (For the record, it's the back room of the house...the quietest and most isolated spot).

I don't think he would try anything per se. I'm a heck of a lot bigger than he is, and I'm trained in how to put people on the ground. He wouldn't stand a chance. It's more just the feeling I get and the undue attention. The parents are out of town, but I'm going to tell them when they get back that I don't want A here when I'm here. Dad thinks that the 'weird feelings' are a load of bunk and that I need to 'toughen up', but Mom would understand. I doubt that they'll do anything though. I also have to be careful with what I tell M, because again of his lack of discretion. I'm afraid that he would tell A everything I said, and then we'll have a bigger problem.

I'm about to start working again in a week (thank you crappy economy!), so at least I'll be out of the house more, and I'll be saving money up to move out.

Oh, and IPF, he's always had a mercedes. He started working at the store when he was like 16, and he had a mercedes then. There's something funky with his family - his mom used to work in the deli and also drove a mercedes - but I doubt it's all honest.

[Giggle Goose]

He would ASK where you were? Geez! I think your brother is being a jerk by ignoring this.

I think your mom's influence would help. It's not a matter of "toughening up" (hell, we've all worked in customer service, I'd say we've done that a long time ago lol). You don't have to put up with that in YOUR home. Period.

So you're starting work? That's great news! If you posted a thread I probably missed it. Anything exciting?

[blas]

I feel for you. This probably sounds really snooty, but I really can't stand any of my boyfriend's friends (as in, his friends from home or where he used to live). I really only like his friend's girlfriends.....they seem to be the only ones with their heads screwed on straight. I try to get him to spend time with some of my guy friends or people that we've befriended together.

Almost all of his friends are in the same legal troubles as him, none of them seem to have jobs (and they don't seem to care about getting jobs), and they just bring trouble wherever they go. And one of them puked all over my car, so I don't like him either.

[thegiraffe]

Well, I talked to my brother in front of his friends (not A) because I knew I would need backup. Come to find out, none of them are really too fond of A...they just invite him out of pity. He said he was having some people over for Poker after work (no problem....I can't hear anything from my room) and I asked if A was coming. Once people started showing up, they were talking about whether or not he was going to come. I saw it as my chance and jumped at it.

I said that I'd rather he not come because I don't feel comfortable around him. M brushed it off, but his friends...particularly the girls that were there, echoed. I said "I think he's dishonest, a liar, and doesn't have a set personality. I think he manipulates situations to get what he wants, and is only concerned about himself. I also think he's creepy and of questionable intentions...I'd rather he not be here."

M decided he would try to poke holes in my reasoning by saying that dishonest and a liar are the same thing. We were all like "no. Lying is a behavior, dishonest is a trait...it's part of someone's personality."

He turned out not coming, and the next morning, my bro and his gf were getting mad at the mass-texts A was sending out. Hopefully I won't have to worry about him anymore.

As far as 'toughening up' goes, I have some of the thickest skin of anyone I know. It comes from years of being teased as a kid at school (and at home), and I learned to intentionally have thick skin when I was living with troubled teenagers in the woods. It takes a LOT to get under my skin - I can handle more than a lot of people. HOWEVER....when it comes to me not feeling safe, all bets are off.

I even took a week off work from the woods after I was hit by a teen. It was completely unprovoked, and we're sure this kid was a budding sexual predator. I didn't feel safe around him, and I let my bosses know. They said "you're tougher than this", etc. I promptly called HR and asked what my options were, and they told me I could take a leave of absence until this kid got transferred. So I did. We made up a story so the group thought I had a family emergency (to maintain my authority in group). Honestly though... I have enough dignity to speak up when I don't feel safe, and I do. If people don't like it, too bad.

I start my new job on Monday. I'll be doing customer service for a large employee benefits company. It's temp work and it's on the phones, but it pays well. I'll take anything at this point. I'm hoping that they'll keep me because of my experience in customer service and de-escalations, and then promote me to a supervisor or something. It's a great company with awesome benefits, so we'll see what I can pull off.

[Primer]

Personally, I put a lot of faith in "gut feelings." If you don't feel safe around him, it's because you're not.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I gotta agree with Primer. But I just wanted to say good luck with the job! I hope you love it and it turns into something permanent.

[thegiraffe]

Thanks, BE!!

And Primer, I agree 100%. At previous jobs, I became almost famous for my "gut" (not quite like Gibbs, but others learned to trust it as well).

Even if it's not so much an unsafe feeling, it's a creepy feeling...I'm not comfortable around him. That's more than enough for me.

[protege]

Good luck with the job

Oh, and if you want, I'm sure I could fire up the CS bus, get a posse together, and uh, take care of the creep problem

[thegiraffe]

Thanks for the job wishes!!!!

I start tomorrow. I'm a little excited and a little nervous, just because this is the longest I've been without work since starting to work, and my last job was not even close to 'traditional'. There will be an adjustment period, and I'm not very good at adjusting. It'll be good though.

I think the A problem has taken care of itself. After asking more questions, I found out that A was never really invited to things, he would ask other people what they were doing and invite himself (which is how he showed up at my house that one night). It was actually a good thing that I started talking about it in front of my brother's female friends, because they seem to be now actively keeping A out of the loop versus it just being kind of understood. I'm really hoping I can be out of the house soon so I don't have to worry about it, but we'll see. I'll have an entirely different set of problems then, but at least I'll have a little more control over it.

[Akasa]

He would invite himself? Wow, that really is douchebabg behavior there.

[Jester]

...it's not necessarily appropriate to say "I don't like you, please don't talk to me".

And precisely WHY do you have to be appropriate to this guy? He gives you the creeps, is by all accounts dishonest, and is bordering on (if not actually engaging in) inappropriate behavior with you. So why do you have to treat him better than he treats you? Hell, girl, tell him straight out: "I don't like you. I don't like you around me. Stop talking to me. Period."

Oh, and if you want, I'm sure I could fire up the CS bus, get a posse together, and uh, take care of the creep problem.

Hell, if you want, next time I go to visit my niece in north Florida, I can swing by your neck of the woods and take care of A for you. My Uncle Jester Death Glare (patent pending) combined with years of dealing with idiots, both in customer service and those who dated my nieces, make me very intimidating to people when I want to be, even if they are larger than me.