Dating/asking out advice

[joe hx]

background - I'm kinda shy, especially with people I don't know that well. I'm also 25, in college, and haven't had a girlfriend since high school (but I have had dates).

Anyways, there's a girl that sits next to me in history (ancient/medieval Europe). I *almost* asked her out today (only got my first question - "Do you have a class after this one?" but got too nervous for the next one -"Want to get something to eat?"

So I thought maybe I'll write a little note entitled "Why I think you're awesome" and give it to her on Friday. Perhaps put phone number and say "text me" or email.

Is this a good idea, or just creepy?

She's probably anywhere from 17 to my age. I also don't know if she already has a boyfriend.

Advice? Thanks.

[gremcint]

Just ask her, there is a thread on here recently about how creeped out someone got from a note. Just ask her, if she says yes great, if she says no then just leave it be. If she makes fun of you or freaks out then you know you want nothing to do with her anyways.

[MaggieTheCat]

I would say talk to her a bit more before you give her a note. I like your idea of asking her if she wants to get some lunch with you after class, or, if that doesn't work, a cup of coffee some morning/evening when you're both free. Then you'll have a chance to ask her a few more "ice breaking" questions to get to know her better and see if you like her, and if she has a boyfriend.

At some point, though, if things seem to be working out, take the big plunge and tell her you like her. My husband liked me for SIX YEARS before he actually told me and we started dating, and we were married about a year and a half after that.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I agree, just ask. In your scenario, a simple, "I'm going to grab some lunch/dinner/coffee after class; would you like to join me?" works well. If she simply says "No, thanks" you have your answer and you can go on with your lives. If she gives a reason why she can't (another class or somewhere she needs to be) you can follow up with "OK, maybe another time then" and see what she says. After that, though, be friendly, but leave it up to her.

[Jester]

So I thought maybe I'll write a little note entitled "Why I think you're awesome" and give it to her on Friday. Perhaps put phone number and say "text me" or email.

Is this a good idea, or just creepy?

Creepy, amateurish, and borderline junior high. I speak not from a judgmental place, but from experience. Yes, I've done notes like that.....as an adult. Trust me, just like putting your hand over an open flame, after a while mistakes start to teach you not to keep doing them.

It is far better to talk to her than to go with a note. It may be hard, but a lot of girls actually find the "shy and having trouble saying what's on their mind" type cute.

So, my friend, just reach down, find your cojones, and ask her out. At the very least, if that's a bit too much for you at this point, just ask her for your number. You do, after all, share a class, and you can use that as a pretext for it.

What do you have to lose? Answer: despite what you think, pretty much nothing.

Dr. Jester has spoken.

[Hobbs]

Ayaa~ I'm in the same boat, mate. I say listen to the advice and do it.

[Greenday]

Women like men with confidence. Just gotta ask her out the old-school way.

[NightAngel]

No notes. Notes are bad.

Spend some more time chatting lightly with her and then see how you feel. Then ask her for coffee or similar on campus.The campus is familiar public ground for you both so you'll both be more relaxed about meeting there.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Jester is right. (Big shock there, right?)

I would never call a guy who handed me his contact information. I realize that's done now, but I"m pretty old school, and that new "custom" just makes me cringe.

Nothing is more attractive than confidence. I know its hard to ask out someone you like. VERY hard. I've done it. But who dares wins.

[Jester]

Jester is right. (Big shock there, right?)

Hey, it's a shock to me whenever I see anyone say it! (No, really, it is. I am constantly astounded by it.)

But who dares wins.

Kink is right. And that is not shocking in the slightest. He (or she) who dares, wins. Even if the bonny lass in question turns our hero down, he still wins. How? He gains confidence in himself by being able to do that which scares him. And he gets to move on from this girl to the next one, with more experience, and a lesson learned.

I myself, not always the most confident with the ladies through my life (no, seriously), found out a long time ago that no matter how uncomfortable it may be, it is always better to take a shot. I have been shot down myself on many occasions, and found myself in countless awkward, uncomfortable, or embarrassing situations. And I have also been pleasantly surprised innumerable times by some of the very lovely women that have responded positively to my courting of them.

"It is better to shoot for the stars and miss than to never even string the bow." --Jester

[Plaidman]

I asked a cute girl on the train out today.

She laughed at me maniacally. Thought it was /cute/.


Not in a good way ether.

[Pedersen]

At the very least, if that's a bit too much for you at this point, just ask her for your number.

Wait, ask her for his number? Isn't that backwards? Or was that a suggestion as a humorous ice breaker, or a bit of humor from you?

Any way it happened, was definitely humorous. And I could doing exactly that suggestion working. Go for it

[Greenday]

Funny, this thread reminds me of myself Wednesday/last night. I meant to ask this girl for her number in my Love and Marriage class Wednesday night before class let out, but once class was over, she hauled ass out of there. Disappointed, I went back to my apartment. Went out to happy hour last evening. I got drunk. Someone taps me on my shoulder and it was her! She was out for her birthday. Bought her a drink, chatted with her for awhile, then asked her for her number so I could call her to go out sometime (a.k.a. this weekend). Now she's in my contact list. SCORE!

I <3 liquid courage.

[Mr. Rager!]

Just try and get to know her better. Don't write her a note.

I got my girlfriend's number because she was telling me about a weird vending machine in a bathroom. So, I told her when she saw it again, she should take a pic and send it to me. She did.

[Greenday]

PS - Either the number she gave me was fake, or I was so drunk that I messed it up. I'm praying for #2 damnit.