My kitchen is out to get me!

[Jester]

That's the only theory I have for tonight's mayhem.

Background: a couple of weeks ago I participated in a chili cookoff. One of my coworkers was nice enough to cover my shift so I could do so, and I promised her some of my chili in return. Unfortunately for her, of the 30 or so chilis at the cookoff, mine was one of the first two to have its pot completely emptied. So I had no chili to bring her. But, since I felt obligated, and since I really wanted to tweak the recipe (since I came in fourth in my division, and not first as I had hoped), I decided to make a second batch, not just for her, but for all my coworkers, as I really do like them.

But, being the Patron Saint of Procrastination that I am, I went out and bought the stuff over a week ago, but kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. Tonight, finally, I started on it. And when I pulled out the steak and pork tenderloin that were to be the majority of the meat in the dish....I stopped.
The beautiful red steak was brown. Why? Well, because I had left it in the fridge for so long. I don't know that it was bad, mind you...but it didn't look right, and I wasn't taking chances. Especially when I looked at the pork tenderloin and saw the "sell by" date listed as last Saturday, the 5th. So I pitched both of those and went to the store to buy some more.

Strike one.

I have limited counter/prep space, so I had my bowl of chopped cilantro balanced on the toaster while I did other things. As I was chopping the bacon later on, I forgot that I had done this. And I used the hand chopper to chop the bacon, on a cutting board on the same countertop area where the cilantro was. Anyone see this coming? Because I sure as hell didn't. As I'm chopping the bacon with my handy dandy hand chopper, suddenly I hear a crash! and it took me a moment to figure out what it was. The bowl with the cilantro I had taken so long to prep had fallen off the toaster and down into the (very narrow) space between the countertop and the fridge. Luckily the bowl did not break, but all my cilantro: gone.

Strike two.

Finally, after I got all the necessary ingredients into the pot and I'm starting to add the seasoning, I reach for the Emeril's Essence, a fine spice that I use in many dishes. I opened the Essense to shake it into the pot....and I dumped a ridiculous amount into the pot. Not paying attention, I had forgotten that the lid flips open for you to shake, but if you take that lid off, the thing is just fully open, with nothing to stop it. I was able to scoop much of the Essence out, but still....

Strike three.

I am not worried that the chili will turn out badly, mind you, with no cilantro (I compensated with extra coriander) and potentially too much Essence. What I am worried about is that I was using this batch to experiment, to try to find that perfect balance in the recipe. And if it turns out that this rocks (or even sucks), I won't know what I did right (or wrong) so I can fix it.

I'm out. Back to the bench. *sigh*

EDITED TO ADD: For those wondering how involved my chili project is, keep in mind I started at 11 pm this evening. It is now 4 am. And I just finished putting the last seasonings in the pot. And I am still going to simmer it for an hour or more. Why so much time: Well, without giving up my recipe, the complete list of ingredients goes something like this:

sirloin steak
pork tenderloin
bacon
bacon grease (no, really)
chorizo sausage
black beans (canned)
pink beans (canned)
crushed tomatoes (canned)
whole peeled tomatoes (canned)
tomato paste (canned)
serrano peppers
habanero peppers
chipotle peppers
poblano peppers
garlic
red bell pepper
white onion
one beer
whiskey
beef broth
olive oil
cilantro (though not today)
light brown sugar
maple syrup
semi-sweet chocolate chips
dark honey
salt
black pepper
white pepper
red pepper flakes
cayenne pepper
smoked paprika
cajun spice
basil
oregano
thyme (not to mention time)
coriander
cloves
allspice
sage (though I am not)
Emeril's Essence
cumin
Worcestershire sauce

Not to mention 1 large stock pot, 1 large skillet, a wooden spoon, a slotted spoon, a cookie sheet, a cutting board, a variety of knives, tongs, a colander, spoon rests, several beers (for the cook), an annoyed roommate, a disabled smoke alarm, a dishwasher, a few sponges to clean up the countertop and the stove, one old and unevenly heated stove, one old and decently heated oven, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a Duval Street bar. And, of course, a pair of latex gloves for handling the hot peppers. Because, you know, I don't want to not be able to touch anything for four days because I didn't wear gloves when handling those hot peppers!

WHY do I do this to myself?

Hell, my Famous German Stew takes less time and effort, and that is a two day affair!

[Sunflash]

You probably do it because you feel the best way to get your favorite haircut is by pulling it out? :P

Sounds yummy though!

[ArcticChicken]

Hell, my Famous German Stew takes less time and effort, and that is a two day affair!

Can I have the recipe, or at least a vague guideline?

[Jester]

Vague guideline, because parts of it really are rather secret.

Day one, I chop up sausage, onions, and peppers and marinate them. I also cook off some chicken breast strips in a skillet and cool them off in the fridge.

Day two I throw all of the above in a pot along with beer, wine, sauerkraut, red skin potatoes, baby carrots, and assorted spices, and cook it low and slow for about four hours.

I have had people tell me "it can't be German, there's no beef!" My contention is that anything that has sausage, beer, and kraut in it definitely qualifies as German.

This was the very first recipe I ever created from nothing, as opposed to taking someone else's recipe and modifying it. I am rather proud of it, and my friends love it. I just don't make it that often due to the serious time commitment.

[NightWatch]

Chocolate goes in chili?! Holy god Jester! Marry me!

Sorry.. having a bad day, you name my favorite comfort food mixed into something that sounds so delicious and I have a little bit of a happy-gasm.

[Jester]

NightWatch, careful with those marriage proposals. I've been known to be quite susceptible to romantic overtures from women.

As for chocolate in chili, yes, it is a classic ingredient, and not one I can take any credit for. If done in the right amount, what it does is bring richness and sweetness to the chili without actually making it "chocolatey." A stealth ingredient, if you will.

The problem I had with the chili I made for the cookoff two weeks ago was that I used too much chocolate, so much so that people could taste it. The chili still tasted great, but the chocolate was no longer a stealth ingredient, and I lost the balance I was looking for. I know, I know, I still came in fourth, I am being hypercritical. Well, yeah. I am being hypercritical. Because I am always trying to improve my chili, as I am with many of my recipes.

Now, you were speaking of chocolate as being "delicious," but remember, I was not using milk chocolate, but semi-sweet chocolate chips....not exactly the typical dessert munchie.

A lot of people might be surprised by some of the ingredients I use in some of my recipes. I am sneaky like that.

[ArcticChicken]

Now, you were speaking of chocolate as being "delicious," but remember, I was not using milk chocolate, but semi-sweet chocolate chips....not exactly the typical dessert munchie.

I beg to differ, sir. I casually munch on semi-sweet chocolate chips all the time when they're in the house, and have no issue with eating them for dessert.

[Jester]

Fair enough, AC. But that doesn't change the fact that they are not the typical dessert munchie.