When shit rolls downhill...*LONG, FAMILY VENT!*

[Amina516]

..it lands at my front door....@ 3am.

So, ive vented on here before about my sister. To sum her up: Shes 23, no job, no motivatoin, HUGE pothead and generally a bitch all around. Shes lives with my parents and listens to nothing they say, but they support her and basically put up with her shit.

Wellll, my sister and her current BF came to visit me lat night, which usually is a pain in the ass, trying to entertain them, while all they do is show up high and eat all my hot pockets. But they came sober and we actually had a good time! Played cards and I was drinking wine so i was relaxed, all in all, it was a good night.

They leave and me and hubby go to bed at like midnight. 3am...my doorbell rings. I sleepily kick my hubby out of bed and tell him to answer it. He comes back upstairs and says my sister has to talk to me and shes crying. I throw on a robe and go downstairs to my sister and her BF.

Me: What happened?
SistersBF: Umm, she got like, kicked out the house by your dad.
Me: What happened?
SisBF: He took her key.
Me: OK, but WHAT happened?

So, long story short...they got caught FUCKING by my mom. My dad was hearing weird noises from her attic bedroom and sent mom to investigate. This is an issue b.c her BF is not allowed to be in the house after 9pm and they dont like him due to other issues theyve had (arguing alot and etc). But shes been doing this shit for YEARS, sneaking her BF's and others up to her room for God knows what.

Anywho, my dad kicked her BF outta the house and told my sister to hand over her key so she took that for her getting kicked out too, so they left. Apparently they stood in front of my house for an hour or so debating whether or not to wake us up, but they had no where to go. Im not going to turn ANYONE away at 3am, much less my sister, so I inflated a mattress and told them to go to sleep after talking to them a little bit.

I call my mom this morning @ 0730, and she starts yelling at me. She thought I was my sister. Lol. she calms down after she realizes its me, but is pretty pissed by the previous nights events. I talked to her for maybe 10 minutes, telling her that yes my sister needs to get herself straight but you dont start by foisting her off on other family members when you refuse to fix the problems at home.

Thats not exactly fair to say, my parents do try to talk to her and whatever, but their efforts are admittedly halfassed. They for lack of a better word, spoiled her after my older brother and I moved outta the house.

So immediately after I hang up with my mom, my dad calls. Hes LIVID...tells me about what happened last night, that he didnt kick her out, she followed him after my dad kicked the bf out. And to tell BF if he sees him again, hes going to kick his ass. Fine.

I go back to bed and wake up a little later. Wake them up, relay to them what the parents said, and my sister just refuses to talk. I encourage her to calll my parents that she can go back home. But like the stubborn jackass she is, she refuses and her and her BF leave to go to see about a job app for him.

/sigh..

I love my sister, but I refuse to support her financially. I think she has some major depression going on that she self medicates with weed and alcohol and usually any other drug she can get her hands on, sadly. She wont get a job, she stopped going to school and for NO reason. She doesnt listen to reason, and if you want her to do anything for herself, she wont. She is a HUGE entitlement whore. I have no idea where she got it from. She literally had to be hand fed to go to school and the only job shes ever had was given to her my my cousin who was a manager, but once he saw what an EW she was, she convenienly wasnt given hours until she was off the schedule altogether.

IDK!!!! I hope she goes home and talks to the parentals and gets her shit together but im not holding my breath.

This'll make for an awkward holiday.

[MaggieTheCat]

Ugh, what a mess. Have you talked to your sister yourself about some of her issues? Maybe if it comes from someone besides Mom and Dad, it'll sink in a little more? I don't have a lot of experience with these situations, but it isn't fair for your parents to dump her on you. Hopefully her living arrangement will get straightened out soon, so you won't have to take care of her. *hugs*

[Taboo]

I think you ought to write her a letter. Write down what you think about how things are going with her right now and your concerns. Be loving but firm.

It sounds like she isn't in a place right now where she's willing to listen to anyone. With a letter, she can't just cut you off or leave the room. Whether she reads it all or reads part and then tosses it, she'll still remember that you were concerned enough to spend the time writing it down - and with some luck, that might eventually sink in.

You definitely shouldn't have to take care of her though, and neither should your parents. I'm 20 and my father is paying for my housing etc, but I realize it's a privilege and not a right - and in exchange I take a ridiculously heavy class load so that I can get through college asap. At 23, unless there are some serious health issues or something similar, one should at least be making a plan to get a job and move out. I know it's hard to find work these days, but that's no excuse to not try.

[Green_Fairy]

as my gramma used to say...you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. you can talk to her til you're blue in the face, but unless she wants to change, she won't. hopefully she'll realize she has issues before she's living in a cardboard box, but chances are, she sees nothing wrong with what she's doing. if what you said about depression is true, you could try finding a counselor for her to talk to, maybe a psychiatrist who can prescribe her medication.
hopefully she'll accept help and guidance. plus...holidays are supposed to be awkward. it's what makes them fun

[Seshat]

My guess would be persistent health issues. Get her to a psychologist or psychiatrist (maybe the parentals can be convinced to cover a diagnostic session or two).

See what the psych says. You're after a full diagnostic session with a specialist in mental health, NOT a 'slap some meds into them and onto the next patient' visit with an overworked general practitioner.

If it is psychiatric and she's used to self-medicating with whatever she can get, be prepared for a rough ride. Psych issues are hard to medicate properly at the best of times, and she's got some things she KNOWS works.

Why feel miserable now, when she can take some weed and feel fine? Sure, the doctor says that if this is the right med, then in six weeks she'll feel better as long as she takes it regularly and doesn't hit the weed... but that's in six weeks. And it's maybe. Weed can fix her NOW!

... sigh.

You can't blame psych patients for thinking and feeling that way. Heck, I feel that way a lot myself, and have to remind myself what I'm trying to achieve. (only, not with weed )

I'm babbling. Anyway. Point is: get her to a diagnostic psych. Just in case.

[Chazzie]

Okay, so it looks like a big mess, but honestly? I'm seeing silver lining here.

There was a big fight and they got kicked out--- and what's the first thing they do?

Job applications?

Sounds like life bit them in the butt and they're going to at least start to try and fix things for themselves.

Maybe I have too much hope, but I see that as a positive sign.

[Amina516]

Sooo..anyone care to guess what i walked into this Am as I came home from night shift...?

My sister...and her BF...taking up my space and breathing my air in my living room. Why you ask? Well, apparenly my sister went back home yesterday. My dad didnt give her the key back but specified she was to be home by 1030pm or the doors would be locked. She gets home @ 1035pm. Doors are locked.So, her and her BF made their way over to my home, where hubby wouldnt turn her away of course and now theyre sleeping in my living room. They got one more time before it becomes a regular thing and I start having issues.

Seshat...my sister no doubt needs some kind of psych help. The issue? Getting her there. She needs to claim responsibility for that. My mother suggested she call a certain local organization that does FREE psych sessions and psych meds, seriously all for free regardless of income..and her response "Well, i shouldnt have to make my own apppointment." Seriously....EW to the extreme. SHES TWENTY FREAKING THREE!! And anyway...if she as put on psych meds, she'd sell them, and i wish i was joking about that.

And Chazzie..i doubt that...but its a good thought process to have.

Ive thought about writing her a letter, but I highly doubt itd have any effect. Im thinking my sister could have some Borderline personality disorder going on now that i think of it. This is frustrating when i can do nothing to help unless im willing to spoonfeed her.

[trailerparkmedic]

I know it feels like playing into her hand, but could you make an appointment for your sister? Would she actually go?



I have an idea of where you're coming from. In the past year we've had to deal with my boyfriend's dad being diagnosed with CHF and his decline in health, and we've had to deal with his brother's mental health issues. His brother has been five times as difficult to deal with, largely because he generally doesn't believe he's sick. Good luck.

[42_42_42]

Honestly, sounds like she needs to learn to fend for herself, psych issues or not. She WILL become a permanent guest unless you decide not to enable her.

[Amina516]

I know it feels like playing into her hand, but could you make an appointment for your sister? Would she actually go?

Itd be wortha shot, if i actually thought she would maintain whetever it was the doctor asked her to do. She might go if I made the appointment, drove her there, waited for her in the waiting room, drove her back home, filled any prescriptions she might have, and make any medicine work instantly. Im NOT willing to do that for a fully capable adult. She doesnt believe she has issues like that anyway, so it might be a hard sell.

My mom tried to get her to apply for welfare, so she at least had health insurance and she wouldnt do it. B/c no one would, once again, do it for her. She wanted someone to call the welfare office, probably take her down there, fill out the application for her and make she that all her shit is in order.

My sister is not a dumb person. Shes honestly very smart, just fuckin lazy. Im not the one to baby someone b/c they refuse to act for their own best interests.

Its just frustrating to deal with her on this level all the time. She wonders why she has issues, why her and my mom fight all the time, why she's generally unhappy with everything. It gets old real fast.

I work @ 11pm tonight, if shes locked out the house, she'll be here by that time.

She has one more time before hubby tells her its not a boarding house and to GTFO or pay. Lol.

Honestly, sounds like she needs to learn to fend for herself, psych issues or not. She WILL become a permanent guest unless you decide not to enable her.

I know. She did that to my brother when she left my moms house the first time. He already said "NEVER AGAIN!" when i told him she was possibly kicked from the parentals house again. She went on a 6 month house jumping spree (surprisngly, never coming to stay @ mine for more than a day or two) and would just eat everything and use all the house utilities and products (there was a HUGE fight in my cousins house about toilet paper...LOL) without once offering to pay for anything. And this happened WITH a bf, so whevever she went, he was right behind her. 2 freeloaders for the price of 1!!!!!