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**JoitheArtist** · 12-17-2009, 05:43 PM

Ah, the joys of living in Huxley's "Brave New World"--everyone is expected to be fully social, all the time. Even simple introverts get this crap all the time--if you don't want to hang out with people constantly, you're "anti-social," "weird," and "just need to stop being so shy." ARRRRRGH.

Seriously. People interact in different ways. Why do people not get this??

*hands consolatory drink to NotSoInnocent*

**Broomjockey** · 12-17-2009, 05:48 PM

Sucks when people judge your kids based on how they think your kids should act. I mean, how old is she, anyway? Four, five? Way too young to be considered "different" even.

**NotSoInnocent** · 12-17-2009, 05:59 PM

She's almost 4... and noticeably "different". It's been noticeable for a while. *shrugs* She's still a sweet kid, she just doesn't do well socially and has odd coping mechanisms for when things get too intense for her. Most of the other kids whine if they're overwhelmed. She screams (an "omg-I'm-DYING!" kind of screaming) and runs off to a quiet corner away from the other kids or she'll run behind me and stay in her "safe spot" for a while.

I'll end up home-schooling her, because her outbursts can be very disruptive. *shrugs* Oh well. She'll get to excel in whatever area of education she really enjoys rather than be cooped up in a public school "class" that does nothing more complicated than finger painting.

**AnaKhouri** · 12-17-2009, 06:17 PM

Have you told the other parents that she behaves a little differently and that, for her, it is normal? Not understanding is no excuse to make nasty comments about children, but maybe telling them will shut them up. Of course, it is entirely up to you how much you want to reveal, and as I said they have no excuse for being mean to a little kid.

**NotSoInnocent** · 12-17-2009, 06:23 PM

Oh I've told them. And explained all the details. And they still make comments. I'd just stop going, but my 2 y/o son also goes and he really enjoys it. I'm in a small-ish community and there just aren't any special needs play groups around.

If there were? We'd be there in a heart-beat! I've heard that "NT" (or, "normal thinking") siblings are welcomed right along with the special needs child. That would be awesome.

As it stands, every time one of the parents say something like that... I make comments about their parenting skills right back (to the ones whose parenting style is best described as "absent" or even "violent"). Or I just raise a brow and glare.

Seems like a no-win situation for my kiddos, though. If we stay, then my daughter is called names (which she's told me she doesn't care about as long as they don't touch her or her stuff) but my son has interaction with other children. If we leave, then my children get no social interaction and we end up having melt-downs at home from two children!

**Broomjockey** · 12-17-2009, 06:30 PM

Quoth NotSoInnocent View Post

"NT" (or, "normal thinking")

I've more often heard "NT" for "Neurotypical," and used as a derogatory term, so you may want to keep that in the back of your mind when shortening that.

I have to say, you're lucky. How long did it take to get the diagnosis? I've heard it's often misdiagnosed as ADHD or other things, which can really make life difficult until a correct diagnosis of AS is found. Since you know what it is, you can focus on doing everything you can to help her cope.

**NotSoInnocent** · 12-17-2009, 06:39 PM

Quoth Broomjockey View Post

I've more often heard "NT" for "Neurotypical," and used as a derogatory term, so you may want to keep that in the back of your mind when shortening that.

I have to say, you're lucky. How long did it take to get the diagnosis? I've heard it's often misdiagnosed as ADHD or other things, which can really make life difficult until a correct diagnosis of AS is found. Since you know what it is, you can focus on doing everything you can to help her cope.

I'll keep it in mind, thanks.

It took 2 years. At first they just wanted to say that she had a speech delay. While that was one of the biggest issues we had with her, it wasn't even close to being the whole thing. It wasn't until I pointed out that she shared a -lot- of similar symptoms with my 7 y/o Autistic niece that the military doctors did an assessment and evaluation.

I know all about the misdiagnosis and difficulties with not getting it right. My brother was just diagnosed with Asperger's as well... at age 26. Originally he was labeled "Retarded", then "Dyslexic", then "ADHD", then "Oppositional Defiant Disorder"... Yeah. Fun times.

**jedimaster91** · 12-17-2009, 07:01 PM

Awww, your daughter sounds really sweet. I'd like to whack those snooty parents with a clue-by-four for saying mean things about her. I had trouble in social situations when I was that age, although not nearly to the extent as your daughter. I'm still what people would call introverted. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just the way I am. The world would be boring if we were all the same.

*cookies for Mom and books for your daughter*

**Seshat** · 12-18-2009, 12:58 AM

* also supplies books and puzzles - for all the kids *

As long as she becomes an adult who can function in the world-as-it-is, and can find happiness and satisfaction in the world-as-it-is, you've done your job and done it well.
Even if it turns out that she can't, but you did your best, so be it. But I can't imagine you doing less than your best for your kids.

Autism spectrum just is. Like a kid born with a cleft palate, or spina bifida. NOT your fault!

(I know you know that, but it sounds like you need reassurance that other people in the world know it too!)

**Aethian** · 12-18-2009, 01:49 AM

This si the times when the saying "That's an interesting assumption." comes into play really well. If they want to be mean, let them have to explain WHY they are being mean. Most times it makes them shut their yaps.

**CaroPhoenix** · 12-18-2009, 12:41 PM

First of all, welcome to the world of Autism!

As for the term, "neurotypical" or even "normally developing", they are words that are used to describe the non-autistic children in the world. For me, and those I know, these are not used as derogatory terms, but they could be somewhere in the world.

I have a button (which I got at Cafe Press) which reads: "My child has Autism. Questions Appreciated. Parenting Advice is not." I also have a tote bag (again from Cafe Press) that reads: "Parenting advice is not wanted unless you too have a child with Autism."

I also went to Vista Print, and they sometimes have a promotion where you buy 250 business cards for just shipping & handling (I think it was $5.99), that explains what Autism is and has the website to the Autism Society (main website). If you'd like to PM, I can write out exactly what my cards say and you're more than welcome to the words.

If all the above still doesn't phase the idiot parents, then just look at them, shrug and say something like, "She's my daughter. I love her. I accept her for what she is. It's too bad that a child, a young child, makes you so uncomfortable that you have to act so ugly. However, that's your problem. Not mine."

Keep your daugher close with your son (if your son likes to play with his sister). And talk to the other children yourself. Explain in small words to let them understand your daughter. If the parents can't be taught, then the children possibly can.

**Dreamstalker** · 12-18-2009, 02:23 PM

Quoth NotSoInnocent View Post

My brother was just diagnosed with Asperger's as well... at age 26. Originally he was labeled "Retarded", then "Dyslexic", then "ADHD", then "Oppositional Defiant Disorder"... Yeah. Fun times.

Been there. I was finally diagnosed at 19...for years before that I was on meds for conditions that I never actually had and didn't even meet most of the criteria for. My mom thinks that nobody knew what to do with me just because I was smart and had an imagination.

When my mom first found out I could self-soothe as a baby she thought something was wrong because I wasn't crying at 2 AM. My sitter first noticed I was "different" when at age two she handed me the Washington Post just to see what I would do with it...and I read the front page out loud fairly well

**NotSoInnocent** · 12-18-2009, 02:57 PM

Quoth idrinkarum View Post

First of all, welcome to the world of Autism!

If all the above still doesn't phase the idiot parents, then just look at them, shrug and say something like, "She's my daughter. I love her. I accept her for what she is. It's too bad that a child, a young child, makes you so uncomfortable that you have to act so ugly. However, that's your problem. Not mine."

Keep your daughter close with your son (if your son likes to play with his sister). And talk to the other children yourself. Explain in small words to let them understand your daughter. If the parents can't be taught, then the children possibly can.

Thanks, Rum... I've tried everything short of yelling at these morons, and I won't do that because it's rude and would set a bad example for the kids. My daughter plays with my son fairly well, she just doesn't play with anyone other than her siblings. They're really close in age, so my little girl is used to the way her brother thinks and acts. Other people just freak her out.

Sorry for the short reply. Long night last night. "Someone" (probably one of the other parents) called in a complaint to the police that my children are being neglected and/or abused, that the house is "filthy" (ie: animal crap, no food, dirty dishes... all bullshit, tyvm), and also made an accusation of drug use in the house. So we had the cops over twice yesterday to convince them that my kids are -fine- and that the house is clean and safe for the kids and, no, there's no drug use going on.

Yeah. They came over -twice- in one day. I'm about ready to slap the police department with harassment. This is the 10th time this year alone that they've come to "investigate". There has -never- been anything wrong with either the kids or my house. Why they continue to do these pointless "investigations" continues to elude me. You'd think that they'd have better things to do with their time than investigate me, when there's other -serious- crimes going on and they -know- that our house has never had a problem.

**CaroPhoenix** · 12-18-2009, 03:39 PM

Well, you know, the reason Autistic kids don't play with other children, you know it's because the child is being neglected/abused/whatever else nosey, stupid people think. Especially when you have to remove your child from an environment that is upsetting to them. (/sarcasm)

Fortunately, I haven't had the cops called on me.

This past summer, I talked to one woman who had child services investigate her. What happened is that both her children (1 boy & 1 girl) are Autistic. One of them got out of the house, and a neighbor (trying to be "helpful"?) called the cops because there was a missing child. I let my neighbors know that if I'm searching for Child Rum, not to call the cops because I can usually find her. And I asked them that if they see her walking around by herself, to approach her calmly and bring her back.

Whew.

I'm sorry you have to put up with this kind of stupidity. We're all here for you.

And if you want to discuss "weird" stuff your daughter is doing, PM me! I'll completely understand

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