Did you just invite yourself over to my house?

[Misanthropical]

I think part of the problem with my children getting along is that both my sons have ADHD and a bit of Asperger's syndrome and my daughter does not, so she doesn't understand why their minds don't work the same way as hers.

If she gets upset with me telling her something, she might argue the case, but only till she sees I'm getting annoyed with it and then she will back off and move on.

The boys will argue their case till the cows come home and annoy everybody in the house with it, which annoys my daughter to no end and is why she thinks if she kicks their asses it would be better, since she knows that I and her father would never lay a hand on of our children.

I know from my own experience growing up with what what my sons have that even though I got a whipping a lot for messing up, it did not change the problem. It's not a discipline problem as many believe, but an actual condition. I would never beat my child if they had diabetes hoping that would solve the problem, so why would I beat my boys for a condition they have that is not their fault either?

On the other hand, I do not let them use their conditions as excuses either. I have tried to explain this all to my daughter, but I think she still thinks they need a good ass kicking, if only to make her feel better. We won't let her do it though.

The boys usually do well as long as they are taking their medication and their routine is not disturbed too much, but they do have their off days. I don't take medication for it, since I take enough medications as it is, so I do have my own off days and I wouldn't want someone kicking my ass for it.

[Jester]

I think part of the problem with my children getting along is that both my sons have ADHD and a bit of Asperger's syndrome and my daughter does not...

This I cannot comment on. As far as I know, none of the three of us had any of this growing up. I was lazy and daydreamed....Lil Sis had a short fuse and flew off the handle easily, and whined to get her way, being the baby....and The Witch was just a domineering controlling bitch. Maybe these are a result of some condition, maybe not. If they are or were, to date none of us have been diagnosed as such. Which is why I posed that question to my mom about why my older sister is such a harridan.

she knows that I and her father would never lay a hand on of our children.

That may be part of the problem. I think children should at least partly fear their parents. NOW I know that my parents would have never beaten me, though my father had no problem grabbing our attention with the tried and trued method of Fast-Smack-To-The-Fanny. And he wasn't a big guy, but to us he was HUGE. (He died when we were 14, 10, and 9, so none of us ever got bigger than him in his lifetime.) But when he got mad, he was The Ogre, and we ran for the hills. (If any of you have ever heard early Bill Cosby routines, you know his father was The Giant to Bill and his brother. Comparable, our father to us was The Ogre.) And that fear of him was good more often than it was bad, because it kept us (for the most part) in line, and taught us (some) discipline and (some) respect for authority.

I am not advocating beating children. (Well, except the really horrible ones that obviously deserve it.) I am just saying it is not always a bad thing for children to have a healthy amount of fear of one or both of their parents. Since we just feared our father, when he died, we ran roughshod over our mother, and by the time Stepdad came along (we were 19, 15, and 14, respectively), it was too late for him to really do anything. Though he did try.

I think she still thinks they need a good ass kicking, if only to make her feel better.

This may have less to do with their conditions and what she thinks of their conditions as much as it has to do with her being the Oldest and keeping the Others in line. I speak as both and Older and a Younger Sibling.

[Misanthropical]

My daughter is the middle child. The big guy is the oldest and you know where the little guy fits in. Only the little guy is shorter than me and that isn't by much.

I have the same condition as my sons, but when I was in school it was unheard of and yes, I did get a beating a lot and it never once helped. So, I know that spanking my sons would not work and they are to old for that now anyway.

Mr. Mis and I get downright mean if our children purposely get out of line, they will get their computer taken away. You should hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth over that. Second offense is having the TV taken away. Oh! We are so cruel!

I have told all three of my children that if they dare to raise their hand to me or their father I will take them down if I have to stand on a chair to do it.

They said "Mom, your legs always hurt, you can't do anything!" I told them they could try to test that theory and see if I can't do the same move even with the pain. They decided not to risk it. They are such smart children. I know my children would never hit me or their father, but I wanted it known what would happen, just in case they lost their ever loving mind.

A change in routine is one thing that those of us who have these conditions have a hard time with, so I wonder how my sons and I are going to be when Evil Grandmother shows up. Why, I might say things I would only usually think, one never knows.

I did it to my MIL when she came out to visit and tried to take over my role in my house. I refuse to feel bad for what I said, so

[Jester]

My daughter is the middle child.

The only girl between two boys. Suddenly I empathize with her, as I was the only boy between two girls!

Of course, unlike me with my older sister, she will probably never get the joy of turning the tables on the eldest and dishing out what she got from him. (Not that he beats her up or anything, but you know what I mean.)

I have told all three of my children that if they dare to raise their hand to me or their father I will take them down if I have to stand on a chair to do it.

They said "Mom, your legs always hurt, you can't do anything!" I told them they could try to test that theory and see if I can't do the same move even with the pain. They decided not to risk it.

As I said earlier, it is good to have your children have a respectable fear of you.

My father, for example, due to his weight was not all that quick. He was rather sedentary, too. But we all knew that if the situation warranted, he could be as fast as us, probably faster, and he remained much larger than any of us. So we tried not to piss him off too often. We much preferred him as the jovial fat guy who sat in His Chair and watched tv than as The Ogre.

[Sliceanddice]

well mis lets hope they move out and have alone not siblings around time when they are adults.
i am 22 and me and my siblings do not get along very well though its still like preteens.

my brother and sister are geniuses.
they thing very linerally. everything has a purpose. and that purpose is what it will be used for.

i am not a genius.
granted im close to being a genius but im about 2 points off. i think very abstractly.
everything has a purpose. and the purpose is what i make.

but when you ask me something you have to be clear.

if you say "That pile right there is trash. We need to put in a bag before its gets all over the room, will you get me one" im not going to hear "Can you get a bag and put that trash in it"
I am going to hear " Oh HEY! trash. we need to do something about that. Can you get a bag"

trust me this has been an issue.

though funny things do happen with this distinction

i accidentally locked my keys in my car awhile a go.

i was frustrated as i couldn't find my house keys my sister haddn't closed the back right and my dog was crying for a walk so kind of yelled at my sister before i walked my dog.
i get back and find out my brother took me says 'omg i lockes the keys in the car and the back isnt close right' to mean "hey boy see if you can go break in to the car' and broke the handle.

i sighed, grabbed a broom, went to the broken back window where someone tried ot break in but fail but when my father went over a bump it shattered, stock the broom through the window and hit the unlock button.

my brother looked at me.
looked at the door.
and then looked at me again.
then he said "You cheated"
like i said
everything has a purpose. and its why i decide.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I and my brothers used to fight all the time; however, cuz there were four of us, we tended to split off into equal groups of two vs two... mostly. Sometimes it would be me, my middle brother and my older brother vs my little brother. ^^;; And other times, it was all four of us vs the neighbourhood kids. XD We once rolled the kid over the road over and over in the snow cuz he kicked our snowman down.

I get on perfectly well with all my brothers now, and we never fight at all. I think the problem with some people, like Jester's sister, is that they never really grew up. There's this girl that my friend and I really hate; she's a total bitch and she's always been like that, ever since she was a teenager. Doubt she'll ever change.

[Jester]

I don't know if it's that they don't grow up. I think they just grow up to be unpleasant adults.

[AdminAssistant]

My sister and I didn't really get along growing up, but that's because she was the "golden child," super popular and spoiled. I was unpopular and geeky. She played softball and was a cheerleader, and as a result I got dragged around to a lot of games. I've never had much aptitude or interest in sports. Praise and attention were heaped upon her, and I felt very ignored. Before long, I learned to love the solitude and quiet, still do, actually.

Once my sister got through college (and out of her snotty sorority), we became pretty close. When I started college, I moved in with her. Now we talk on the phone once every two weeks at least, mostly for me to see how her kids are doing and to discuss our crazy-ass parents. We always spend at least one day together if I'm at home for any length of time. We are two very different people, but get along great! So, relationships can definitely improve over time. Especially if one moves 8 hours away.

[Jester]

So, relationships can definitely improve over time. Especially if one moves 8 hours away.

I don't think anyone here said relationships couldn't improve. It just seems clear that Mis's relationship with her grandmother is not likely to improve any time soon. Nor am I holding my breath for any major breakthroughs with my older sister.

What you are talking about with your sister, AA, is more typical of such sibling relationships. It's not too dissimilar to what happened with myself and my younger sister, actually. But Mis's relationship with her grandmother is not typical, and doesn't show any signs that it will be in the forseeable future. Ditto me and The Witch.

[Soulstealer]

I don't think anyone here said relationships couldn't improve. It just seems clear that Mis's relationship with her grandmother is not likely to improve any time soon.

I disagree, Mis's grandmother is old and will probably die soon enough.

[Misanthropical]

I hope she is too stupid to know how to haunt me! I have often felt the presence of the grandmother who loved me more than live itself around. I know she wouldn't just appear to me because it would probably scare me half to death, so she only lets me know she is around by having me sense it.

I am hoping Evil Grandmother can't figure out how to haunt me or my children when she dies. If she tries I think Ethan (our resident spirit) would chase her off. He does not like anything that disrupts the family.

I wonder if Ethan could chase her off when she shows up? HMMM!

[AdminAssistant]

What you are talking about with your sister, AA, is more typical of such sibling relationships.

I was referring to Mis's comment about her children. I can't speak to the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren, since I only really grew up with one grandmother, and she was never particularly affectionate. She was willing to help us out financially, but I never had a good "grandparent-grandchild" relationship with her.

I disagree, Mis's grandmother is old and will probably die soon enough.

First of all, some old folks are particularly stubborn and crotchedy. Secondly...I don't wish death upon anyone, especially someone I don't know.

[Soulstealer]

First of all, some old folks are particularly stubborn and crotchedy. Secondly...I don't wish death upon anyone, especially someone I don't know.

It's not a wish, Mis and her family live in the Western world where there's pretty good health care and people live longer. Here the old people most commonly die first, if the woman in question is at a certain age range it's only a matter of time.

[Misanthropical]

Evil Grandmother, after many many marriages, was married to a very wealthy man who died recently, so she can afford the very best care. I do believe she is in her 70s.

If you read her email to me, though, she makes it sound like she has to watch every penny. I don't care if she has money or not, but asking me to find a cheap hotel and cheap car rentals for her annoys the heck out of me. When did it become my job to find these things for her? She isn't one of those old people who don't know how to work a computer. Plus, she can afford to stay where she wishes.

I know she is upset that she can not stay with me, but I refuse to have her in my house 24/7 and getting in the way when the children are trying to get ready for school.

I am still trying to figure out why she suddenly wants to see us when she never had any interest before in seeing me when I was growing up or even when I got married. Now, she wants to not only see me but my children also? She will be on the first plane out if she does or says anything to hurt my children. She did that enough to me, I refuse to allow her to do so to my children.

I don't care who you are, hurt my children and I will make the wrath of God look like a cake walk. No one gets away with that, no one.

I'm going to need a lot more wine if I'm to tolerate her for any length of time.

[Jester]

I'm going to need a lot more wine if I'm to tolerate her for any length of time.

Allow me to recommend Marques de Caceres (Crianza, Reserva, or (wow) Gran Reserva), Trinchero Cabernet, and/or Robert Mondavi Pinot Noir.