Holiday Cooking Disaster Thread

[Jester]

I prefer golden potatoes for mashed potatoes instead of idaho russets or red potatoes.

Hey, I was trying to do something "different."

Sadly, I succeeded in doing just that!

[AdminAssistant]

I dunno...in my family we skin red potatoes, cut them into pieces, boil them.....then eat them! No mashing required.

[ralerin]

Eh, not really a potato person. except when my mother adds in garlic or green onion. I GROAN when dad does the potatoes, because all he does is only a bit of butter, only the barest pinch of salt and pepper and skim milk...and that's it. No taste. YUCK.

Oh my god. One time Best Friend and I were trying to do the Lindt recipe on the back of their 99% chocolate bars, and we ran out of butter. My mother said to use Crisco instead. So we substitute butter flavored crisco, without adjusting the ingredients, pop them in and bake them.

We ended up with deep fried lumps of brown, vaguely chocolate, grainy...something. I decided to make some chocolate frosting. So we ended up deep fried lumps of brown, vaguely chocolate grainy...something...with FROSTING.

Yesterday I screwed two batches of awesome alfredo because the cauliflower I put them on ended up being rotten and the second one was because I ran out of cream so I substituted whole milk. Mistake, sauce was liquid, not the thick, rich creamy goodness it's supposed to be. Plus I cooked it too long so it curdled. All that beautiful, delicious bleu cheese got thrown out.

[Broomjockey]

All that beautiful, delicious bleu cheese got thrown out.

Speaking of bleu cheese, or rather, technically, cheese that's blue...

Anyone know if Havarti's okay if it's blue *under* the surface? I've got a sealed package, about a week old. And today, as I was cruising my fridge for supper, I noticed a discolouration. The stuff is blue ALL over, not just in one patch. But it's not a surface mold. It's mottled, and under the surface. I've had this kind of cheese lots before, but I've never noticed that. Now I'm kind of scared to even open the package for fear the thing is rotten from the inside-out.

[1756GR2]

Making onion pies. Oh, lord, it lives vividly in my memory. Building huge mounds made of layers of sliced onion, apple and hard boiled egg, layering that with spices and lots of butter. I didn't get the top crust sealed well enough, so while baking at high temperature a good deal of the butter leaked out. I wasn't smart enough to have put a baking pan beneath them. Butter on very hot oven elements creates flame. Smoky, butter-greasy fire. In July.

It was ridiculously hard to get the smutz off the outside of the pie pans so they didn't stick to whatever surface they sat on, but fortunately the pies turned out decently enough for folks who didn't know what they were supposed to taste like. The smell stayed in the house for a week even with doors and windows being open almost 24/7.

[Jester]

...we skin red potatoes...

You SKIN them? But...but....but....the skin on red potatoes is awesome, and adds some texture to the potatoes in many incarnations, without actually tasting like the typical russet potato skin!

Anyone know if Havarti's okay if it's blue *under* the surface?

I have had Havarti many times. In many places. Of many different qualities. And I can honestly not remember one time seeing any of it being in any way blue, green, mottled, or discolored (other than if it is has something like dill infused into it, of course). Your cheese sounds worrisome.

Kill it. Kill it now. Do it quickly. Before it gets to the children.

Making onion pies.

Onion....PIES?

Oh, please, by all that is holy under the sky of the food gods, tell me you have and are willing to provide the recipe for such yummy sounding treats!!!!!

[AccountingDrone]

Hey, I was trying to do something "different."

Sadly, I succeeded in doing just that!

Not a big deal. Frankly we tend to take whatever taters we have on hand, wash them good, chuck them in a pot to boil, when done run them through a ricer, add butter, then the milk, pepper, touch of salt and anything extra like horseradish, bacon crumbles, grated cheese and whip it up.

Smashies are common around here, and afterwards we do potato bread, pancakes or croquettes with the leftovers.

Onion....PIES?

Oh, please, by all that is holy under the sky of the food gods, tell me you have and are willing to provide the recipe for such yummy sounding treats!!!!!

Zweibelkuchen

Ingredients

* 6 pounds onions, sliced
* 4 slices bacon
* 1 (16 ounce) container sour cream
* 4 egg
* 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 teaspoon caraway seed
* 2 9 inch pie crusts


Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). Line 2 pie plates with the crusts.
2. Place bacon in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Remove and reserve bacon. Saute onion in a skillet until translucent and pour cooked onion into a large mixing bowl. Drain, chop and add bacon to onion; mix well.
3. Stir in sour cream. Beat eggs enough to break up yolks, then mix in to pie mixture. Add flour to thicken mixture (onions will create a lot of water), then add salt. Mix well and pour mixture into prepared pans. Sprinkle top with caraway seed.
4. Bake in preheated oven for about 1 hour, or until onions start to turn golden brown on top.
old recipe from my mums family - it is originally made with quark not sour cream, but unless you make quark or have a german deli around it can be tricky to find.


also: http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/car..._onion_quiche/

[Dave1982]

I already have non-stick cookie sheets (called AirBakes), and have never before had a problem with anything sticking to them, so I don't think parchment paper would help. The problem was definitely that damned decorating sugar. I do appreciate that suggestion though, and the idea to make my own colored sugar from granulated sugar. Right now it's too late, because I don't have the right food coloring and I don't feel like making a trip to the supermarket only a few days before Christmas just for that.


Re-Mashed potatoes.

Jester.....if you've had so much trouble with mashed potatoes in the past, then perhaps you should dial back the complexity a bit. Those horseradish red mashed potatoes sound great, but maybe you should try plain vanilla mashed potatoes first (using regular potatoes). Peel 'em, quarter 'em, boil 'em, drain 'em, add butter, mash 'em, add salt, pepper, and milk, and mash 'em some more. Not terribly exciting, but you can add a separate gravy or sauce to spice them up. Then once you get comfortable making those, move up to more sophisticated recipes.

The only other thing I can think of is that if they came out gloppy, they were either overboiled or you added too much liquid afterwards.

[AdminAssistant]

You SKIN them? But...but....but....the skin on red potatoes is awesome, and adds some texture to the potatoes in many incarnations, without actually tasting like the typical russet potato skin!

That's just the way it's always been done in my family. When I fry potatoes I leave the skin on, but Mom always skins them. I did a 'home cooking' night for some of my friends in September, and made boiled potatoes. It was the source of a lot of confusion and bemusement. Eh, it's total comfort food. One of the first things I ate after my gallbladder surgery.

[Food Lady]

I have to pipe up and say that I make the best mashed potatoes. My secret ingredient is mayonnaise.

[Jester]

I already have non-stick cookie sheets (called AirBakes), and have never before had a problem with anything sticking to them, so I don't think parchment paper would help.

Well, they would have helped in this instance, don't ya think?

Even if you have non-stick pans, if something unplanned happens, like what happened with you and your colored sugar, things can stick. And wouldn't it be better for your next culinary disaster to stick to a piece of parchment paper that is easily removed from the pan, rather than sticking to the pan itself, making cleanup that much tougher?

Jester.....if you've had so much trouble with mashed potatoes in the past, then perhaps you should dial back the complexity a bit. Those horseradish red mashed potatoes sound great, but maybe you should try plain vanilla mashed potatoes first (using regular potatoes).

Dave, the horseradish red potatoes were the most recent mashed potato disaster. They were not, however, alone.

The time before that that I tried to make mashed potatoes, I went pretty basic. And still ended up with....not the best mashed potatoes going. Though certainly not as gloppy as my later disaster.

The fact is, potatoes around me do not want to be mashed. I don't know why, but that seems to be the simple fact of it.

I have to pipe up and say that I make the best mashed potatoes. My secret ingredient is mayonnaise.

I don't know whether to steal this idea, or beat you with a potato masher for such heresy.

[Food Lady]

No, really! It's good! If you think about it, potato salad has mayo. You have to put onion in the boiling water and mash the taters with butter, mayo, and milk.

[Broomjockey]

No, really! It's good!

Yeah, I've heard THAT one before. Pull the other leg. It's got bells on.


Heh, now if you want some real blasphemy to the potato kingdom, here we go:

Idahoan instant mashed potatoes, add in celery salt to the water, and a tiny bit of garlic salt, and just a dash of the third spice on the left of my rack, which I can't recall at the moment, but it's similar in appearance to basil. Boil all that together before adding in the potatoes.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Idahoan instant mashed potatoes, add in celery salt to the water, and a tiny bit of garlic salt, and just a dash of the third spice on the left of my rack, which I can't recall at the moment, but it's similar in appearance to basil. Boil all that together before adding in the potatoes.

Stolen Permanently borrowed.

[42_42_42]

Yeah, I've heard THAT one before. Pull the other leg. It's got bells on.


Heh, now if you want some real blasphemy to the potato kingdom, here we go:

Idahoan instant mashed potatoes, add in celery salt to the water, and a tiny bit of garlic salt, and just a dash of the third spice on the left of my rack, which I can't recall at the moment, but it's similar in appearance to basil. Boil all that together before adding in the potatoes.

Parsley?

My sister as a teenager had NO sense of time or how long things should be microwaved. She'd frequently put things in for 10 minutes or more that should have been in for a minute or less (one time she put a bag of microwave popcorn in for 33 minutes instead of 3 minutes and 30 seconds, we never could figure out why she didn't stop the microwave once the popcorn started burning ). After she'd filled the house with smoke for the dozenth time, my parents finally banned her from using the microwave (she was already banned from using the stove or oven), so if she wanted an after-school snack and I wasn't home, she'd be stuck w/ cereal, chips, or pb&j.

As for me, in general, I don't have a problem unless I'm trying to do too much at once and something is under the broiler. I don't do marshmallow topped sweet potatoes anymore because I ALWAYS burn them! Plus, my hubby started making the Alton Brown ones with chipotle pepper in them and they are 1000% better anyway.