My kid brother (no one tells me anything!)

[Dave1982]

GAAH! Once again, there's been a total communication breakdown in my family; they never tell me anything, so I'm always the last to know.


When I went downstairs a little while ago, I was surprised to find my father still here. I asked him if he had the day off, and he said he's technically at work (working from home) but was tending to my brother. I peered into the living room and saw him crashed out on the couch with his cheeks puffed up a little.

Me: What's he got now? (he missed over a week of school not too long ago with what was probably H1N1).

Dad: 4 fewer wisdom teeth.

Me: Oh.


Yeah, no one bloody told me. I don't suppose I needed to know, but it would have been nice; I'd have gotten him a pint of ice cream or something. This is exactly the sort of thing that I'm never told about and it irks me.

Feel better, Daniel.

[Custard Chick]

Ugg, I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from! Now that I've moved out of state it's even worse!

I didn't know until the day before that my grandma was having surgery to remove a cancerous lesion on her head and later it wasn't until she was in the hospital that my mom told me that grandma had to get her gallbladder removed.

Also had no idea my one uncle had prostate cancer and was getting radiation until he was halfway through.

THEN I just learned right after Thanksgiving that my other uncle has stage 4 stomach cancer that's spread to his esophagus! My mom just started that conversation with a cheery, "So your uncle's going in for chemo at Christmas and it's worse than we thought." Cue me doing a triple take and sputtering, "Wait, Uncle Joe has cancer?!"

Sorry for the minor thread jack but I had to get that off my chest. lol

[Cat]

I've had relatives die and not be told about it til the night before the wake or a few days/weeks after the funeral.

In addition to not hearing about illness and hospital stays.


I think we are supposed to be psychic, huh?

[Gerrinson]

Yeah, I found out over the holiday that my cousin has bone cancer for the second time (I never heard about the first at all!) She's just gotten some bone marrow from my uncle (her dad.)

Unfortunately, a week after they did the transplant, they discovered that he has bone cancer, too.

So, now they may have replaced her cancerous marrow, with um...cancerous marrow.

I'm wondering if I'll hear what happens or if it will be a case of 'oh, you didn't know your cousin died six months ago?'

[Jester]

My mom used to do stuff like that.

Until I told her in no uncertain terms (and I can be very good with using no uncertain terms, mind you) that if something happens to someone in the family, I Want To Know!

Since we had that conversation all those many years ago, she's been much better about it. She meant well, of course, trying to save me from whatever it was she was trying to save me from (pain? sorrow? grief? Hell if I know...don't ask ME to explain a Jewish mother!), but I made it really clear to her that I always, always, ALWAYS prefer knowing (and soon) to not knowing.

Mom got it.

I would suggest to those whose relatives do this to them that they might want to have a similar conversation.

They'll probably get it.

[BookstoreEscapee]

When I was in college my dad spent a week in the hospital after having woken up with chest pain early one morning. I didn't know about it until 2 days before he was supposed to go home. (He was fine, and my mom didn't want me to worry since I had schoolwork and I was 3 hours away with no car.)

[AriGriffin]

When I was working at Disney, I was talking to my Mom one night. She said, "Now don't get mad, but your step-grandma died and the funeral was today." She was Dad's step-mom and I was closer to her than to his real mom. I asked her why she didn't tell me earlier. She said she knew I wasn't going to be able to get off work to come to the funeral so it wouldn't have mattered. I was livid with Mom. Mom went to the funeral and took my cousin (Mom's sister's kid) and my cousin's best friend but she couldn't call me to let me know. I had talked to Mom the day after my Step-Grandma died and Mom had known then!

Mom's Dad and Step-Mom never call to let us know when they go to the hospital or Step-Mom's condition.

[Dave1982]

There's a fairly grim running joke between myself and some of my friends that one day, they'll come knocking on my door with a stack of boxes and order me to start packing. I will of course ask why, and the response will be that we're moving, that it's been planned for months, and how could I not know about it? It'll be because they never bothered to tell me anything.

That having been said, I have been kept in the loop about major things like illnesses and deaths (of which there have thankfully been few). My mother made a point of telling me that she was going to need surgery to correct a renal issue far in advance, and I was one of the first to know that my paternal grandmother had been rushed to the hospital and was not expected to survive.

Oh, and I got my brother a box of Italian Ice and a pint of Karamel Sutra Ben & Jerry's.

[Soulstealer]

My mom used to do stuff like that.

Until I told her in no uncertain terms (and I can be very good with using no uncertain terms, mind you) that if something happens to someone in the family, I Want To Know!

My dad did that to me too about his potential ministroke. I didn't find out about it until a week after it happened. I got mad about that, he's gotten mad at me in the past for the same sorts of things. We both have problems with not telling each other important stuff but we're getting better.

[Cat]

I should talk to my mother, but things go in one ear out the other....I gave up around 20 telling her anything important.

[Dave1982]

So I somehow managed to forget this part of it.....

For obvious reasons, my brother didn't feel like eating or drinking anything for the rest of the day after getting his wisdom teeth pulled. Not eating wasn't too big a deal, but not drinking anything was. He'd been given general anesthesia (oral surgeon, not the regular dentist. In fact, he had the same oral surgeon I had ten years ago when MY wisdom teeth were extracted), and not drinking meant the drugs weren't flushing out of his system very quickly, and that kept him just a little bit stoned all day.

I know I shouldn't have laughed since he was in legitimate distress, but when you play Scrabble against someone who is convinced that "THYR" is a real word.....well, I couldn't help it.

Also, later in the evening my father came in and offered to put on one of two documentaries he'd rented through NetFlix, Food Inc, or Welcome to Macintosh.

Dad: Daniel, which would you rather see, if any?

Daniel:.....................................

Dad: Daniel? Did you hear me?

Daniel: Oh...um, I don't know....Batman?

Me:

[draftermatt]

Never had a tooth pulled, but my wife had 2 wisdom teeth pulled (if they're so wise how come they keep growing in funny?). She was in a lot of pain. Vicodin helped though.

My family is pretty good at telling me things. I had a great-uncle die and wasn't told, but after I got upset about it they've been better.

My wife's family seems to think the phone only works one way. They don't call her because "she doesn't call me".

My wife got a hysterical phone call from her grandmother once about her brother (my wife's) being in the hospital. Apparently he had been there for days, but my wife was never told.

When granny asked mom why she didn't tell her "She doesn't call me, why should I call her?"

Of course that made all kinds of sense last night when granny called hysterical again. My wife had just spoken to her mother on Saturday.