My Past Is Back To Haunt Me

[Eric the Grey]

Just to reiterate two things:

This:

Maybe it's worth having a word with your bf to explain what's going on that these are people who are from your past, who you want absoloutely nothing to do with but who keep cropping up now and again anyway.

and this:

Well, obviously the coworker should have sexual harrassment charges against him. That oughta learn 'im how to treat female coworkers from now on.

Of course, it's up to you

Although in the above case, I'd give the guy ONE warning, and make it clear that ANY further mention of said topic would result in a complaint being registered with HR. HR will not be concerned with your past, just what is happening within the company.

I did tell my boyfriend eons ago about how I used to be, just as a precaution because there's always been/always will be gossip and because I knew that the idiots popped up from time to time, I wanted to be prepared. I just hope that that's enough.

<. . .>

I do think I was going about it the wrong way. You guys are right. I do NOT owe anyone an explanation and I do not need to justify myself or keep preaching "I'm not that girl anymore!".....they don't deserve an explanation.

You've got it right from the start, telling your current BF about your past. Honesty is the best bedrock of a relationship. You should, however, let him know about them contacting you again, just in case something comes up. That way, he's forewarned about anyone trying to make an end-run around you by getting to him.

It's been known to happen.

You seem to be very level-headed, which seems to be (I haven't been on this forum quite as long as others have) a big improvement.

Stay strong.


Eric the Grey

[dougall]

As long as the people that matter in your life now know the truth who cares what others think? The bloke at work has got a reaction from you so you may want to inquire with HR how to go about telling him to lay off in an official capacity.

[Der Cute]

Blas, everyone here's right.

Tell you what. Sometime back in my past I used to put more status in nooky than relationships. One day I got home and listened to the answering machine...it was one of the guys I spent time..SHORT time with. I ignored the call. Twice.

Because sometime previous to that phone call, I had made the deal with myself to focus more on the relationship, time spent with the person; to be meaningful vs nooky.

RIGHT after THOSE calls I got one from SOMEONE ELSE!!!!! I was wondering for a minute if I was wearing a neon sign of Ye Olden Times...then I realized, "Meh, it's THEM. They want it...not me. I have choices here!"


Hon, you're doing the right thing. Tell Mr. Workguy - Speak to me only if it is directly work related, otherwise I'm going to HR. One time. Period. And give your BF a hug. Keep it up

Cutenoob

[RootedPhoenix]

Blas, I'm sorry those guys are being such jerks. You know who you are. Keep going, and don't let them pull you down.

[draggar]

Then the other night, I asked him what he got for Christmas. He smirked and said "A threesome!" to which my jaw dropped because that's so inappropriate to talk about at work, and he glared at me and said "Don't look at me like that. I know all about you and what you like to do!"

I got kind of bitchy and said "I told you before, I'm not into that anymore and I'm a one man woman. Got it?"

He still doesn't get it. Every night we have to work together (thankfully it's just for a few hours) he talks about those two guys and me and back in the day.....UGH UGH UGH!!!

If he is a coworker, go to your supervisor, that is sexual harassment. If the sup won't do anything, go up the chain or even to HR.

It's good you're sticking to your guns with this and it is true that you've grown up, unfortunately, not everyone else does.

[Plaidman]

Oh right Blas! Glad your feeling better! You've always been a kickass stubbern girl. Never give up. You can always count on us.

Besides, i can always come down and like, pretend to kick any of their butts for you. I'll seriously be hurt. Like, hospital because I'm so weak. But its thought thought that counts, right?

[blas]

Again, thanks for the support everyone

No one needs to play bouncer for me....I have a very ill temper and very pointy shoes, I think I have the situation covered