Ridiculous 2010 predictions...

[SG15Z]

Well I'm sure a lot of y'all remember this thread, so I figured we could say our ridiculous predictions for 2010.

I'll start with just one, but feel free to add more.

Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death.

And that's all the crystal ball shows me. What does it show you?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death.

No. Springform pan. The little clippy thing on the side can be used to do damage in many creative ways, I'm sure.

[SG15Z]

No. Springform pan. The little clippy thing on the side can be used to do damage in many creative ways, I'm sure.

Hm, yes, though I like the idea of Rachel Ray with a burnt waffle look.

[lupo pazzesco]

Ok, so I shared this with EQ, and her response was as follows:

"Yes. YES. YEEESSS!! I love my friends!!"

And DataJager said "Finally, Rachel Ray's face will look right..."


I laughed. A lot...

[Salted Grump]

Irving and Dave1982 Finally snap and Beat Numbknockers/ Jellico to death with a scanning gun/ tape measure.

[Evil Queen]

Signature edited.

SG15Z will set the grocery store on fire.

[SG15Z]

Ok, so I shared this with EQ, and her response was as follows:

"Yes. YES. YEEESSS!! I love my friends!!"

And DataJager said "Finally, Rachel Ray's face will look right..."


I laughed. A lot...

I love you too EQ.

And DataJager, Indeed it will.

Signature edited.

I feel honored.

SG15Z will set the grocery store on fire.

As long as I don't get caught!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Hm, yes, though I like the idea of Rachel Ray with a burnt waffle look.

Me, I'm imagining Paula Deen getting her face caught in a George Foreman grill.

Irving and Dave1982 Finally snap and Beat Numbknockers/ Jellico to death with a scanning gun/ tape measure.

And when I'm finished with that, Captain Jackass will have an unfortunate accident with the garbage compactor, Richard Simmons will be strangled to death with his own belt, the cash office specialist and the 350-pound cashier who reeks of swamp crotch will be locked in the cash office to stink each other to death, and just after I walk out the doors, the swamp will explode into a 300-foot high pillar of flame.

[Zoom]

In 2010...

...the world will come to an end! It'll be a gigantic, 15000-mile-wide ass in space.

...a comet will collide with the Earth, and the dinosaurs will suddenly live again! And make DVDs even worse than the Disney ones about dinosaurs.

...all the world's computers will suddenly come to a halt, demanding better hours and robotic girlfriends. Right before mankind, having had enough, is about to pull the plug, it finds out the computers actually like that.

...a growing number of people will become purposefully illiterate and deliberately misspell words. They next claim they discovered time travel when they start misspelling the year as "2001"...

...Both zoos and prisons become so overcrowded that there is nothing for it but for them to fight each other to the death. Strangely, the weasels triumph and go on to a reality show with Gary Coleman.

...everything that happened in 2009 will NOT happen, except for re-runs.

...I will make a series of predictions for the year 2009, and get them all right. Except the one about Michael Jackson, which I still don't believe happened.

...Australia will continue to increase its internet censorship laws so much, that they ban all use of the letter A, forcing them to rename themselves Ustrli.

...a giant floating baby in a bubble is seen over New York, surveying the Earth before reporting back to his highly superior alien overlords through a dimensional gate in the form of a giant black monolith, but is shot down and exhibited in Alcatraz Zoo.

...a comet will crash into the Earth, then state "Oh, I already did that. Never mind," and leave, stealing all the towels.

...Global warming enthusiasts will start talking about the next geographical catastrophe awaiting humanity: Continental Drift Speedup. Immediately Ustrli challenges Chin to a race.

...People will get a new kind of vision problem, that they have to wear two pairs of glasses at the same time over one another and a third pair over their ears.

...a war breaks out! People die! Oil production drops! Mass starvation ensues! Rioting in the streets! National debt foreclosure! Enslavement of humanity! Al Roker drops five pounds! (Must not have been his ass in space.)

[SG15Z]

In 2010...

...a growing number of people will become purposefully illiterate and deliberately misspell words.

....you mean more than they do now?

...a comet will crash into the Earth, then state "Oh, I already did that. Never mind," and leave, stealing all the towels.

NOOOOOOO!!! Not the towels!!! Anything but the towels!

[Jester]

I would like to point out that most of my 2009 ridiculous predictions were, naturally, ridiculously wrong. However....

Kusanagi will lead his beloved Chargers to a 13-3 record and a Super Bowl title in Miami.

While nothing I said about Kus actually came to pass, I actually correctly predicted the Chargers' exact win-loss record for the season. If they win the Super Bowl in Miami this year (which is where it's being held), I can honestly say I predicted it a year in advance!

...the U.S. media...will, of course, ignore all news out of Canada.

I predicted this in two separate predictions, and naturally, it came true. I would like to predict that U.S. media will continue to sensationalize stories that have only marginal importance, but will basically continue to ignore all news out of Canada...with the exception of the Winter Olympics. For which the U.S. sports media will ignore all sports news other than that which affects the U.S. teams, even if a U.S. team finishes last in a particular event.

Blas will finally meet the man of her dreams...

Well, she HAS had the same new boyfriend for a while now, and things seem to be working out. Of course, he isn't William Shatner, but I still think I am doing better than most prognosticators!

Iradney will marry her boyfriend...

Hey, she DID get engaged in 2009!

Jester, while doing magic for some girls on the beach, will realize in shock that the girls in question are in fact Anna Paquin and Kirsten Dunst. In bikinis. Skimpy bikinis. Anna and Kirsten will be so blown away by Jester's magic tricks, charm, and humor, that they will take him back to their hotel suite and spend the next six hours favoring him with a threesome the likes of which he has only ever imagined. An exhausted Jester, while getting ice for cocktails for the three of them afterwards, will tragically be killed when the faulty ice machine explodes. The undertaker will be unable to wipe the shit-eating grin off of his face.

Okay, this did not happen in 2009. I do, however, have high hopes for it happening in 2010. Other than the ice machine killing me, that is.

Now, on to my Ridiculous Predictions of 2010!

College Football: The Powers That Be will finally start giving the smaller schools some respect, and will actually put undefeated Boise State in the National Title Game. To continue with their newfound respect for small schools, they will pick as BSU's opponent the University of Texas at San Antonio. While UTSA will also be undefeated, they will be so because they do not have a football team. Jester will be angered by this, not because of the silliness of having a non-football school play for the title, but because his beloved Sun Devils will also go undefeated, but will only be allotted a slot in the St. Petersburg Bowl against the College of Charleston. Jester's only solace will be that the Sun Devils destroy the University of Arizona Wildcats in their annual rivalry game by a score of 173-3.

NFL: The Oakland Raiders will go undefeated, beating every team they face by a shutout score, and rampaging through the playoffs to win their fourth Super Bowl in dominating fashion over the overmatched Detroit Lions.

What? These are ridiculous predictions, remember?

Basketball: The Phoenix Suns, led by MVP Steve Nash, will finally win their first NBA Championship. Okay, maybe that isn't that ridiculous, but it seems that any predictions of NBA titles that don't involve the Lakers, Lebron, or the Celtics are looked on lately as ridiculous.

Baseball: The Texas Rangers will win the World Series, shocking everyone, including themselves. Also, Barry Bonds will come out of retirement. No teams will sign him, and no one will really notice, other than the steroid dealers, who will be frothing at the mouth for his business.

Politics: Politicians will continue to lie blatantly to their constituents, often being hypocritical, thieving, self-serving buttwads. Many of them will preach one thing and do another, sometimes getting caught in an embarrassing scandal illustrating that dichotomy. Trust for them will erode further, until....oh, wait....these are supposed to be ridiculous predictions. My bad.

Entertainment: Paris Hilton will shock everyone by starring in a serious movie about an important issue, and will win an award for her fantastic portrayal of the protagonist. Her interviews will be serious and mature, and she will be touted by experts and parents as a role model for young people. In other entertainment news, Gwen Summers will be made Superintendent of Schools in Provo, Utah.

The War on Terror: While boarding a plane bound for D.C., a would-be terrorist will be found to be carrying a small bomb strapped to his penis. In a heroic and bizarre turn of events, Lorena Bobbitt will be on the same flight, and will "defuse" the situation in her own particular way.

Politics: The Governors of Montana and Mississippi will agree to trade jobs, confusing their constituents to the point of being unable to voice any protest over this. The news services will pick up this story two months after the fact, when it's leaked that the switch had something to do with Tiger Woods and three of his former "transtressions."

I will start drinking coffee, snacking on olives, sleeping with men, and baking desserts. Hey, if we're gonna get ridiculous, let's go all out!

[fireheart]

The War on Terror: While boarding a plane bound for D.C., a would-be terrorist will be found to be carrying a small bomb strapped to his penis. In a heroic and bizarre turn of events, Lorena Bobbitt will be on the same flight, and will "defuse" the situation in her own particular way.

I am so wanting to steal this for my siggy.

As for my own 2010 prediction:

Gravekeeper manages to get hold of a pink-camo seeking weapon and hunts down everyone in Nunavut who wears them. (the more or less burning camo, not the camo that actually LOOKS decent)

Lupo becomes the pope (popette?) of a new religion worshipping all that is Lupo. This does not however, involve tentacles invading the Earth (I've watched Beast With A Billion Backs too many times. Forgive me Lupo!) This religion does spread the world, and encourages people to show tolerance and peace towards all!

[Jester]

I am so wanting to steal this for my siggy.

So what's stopping you?

Gravekeeper manages to get hold of a pink-camo seeking weapon and hunts down everyone in Nunavut who wears them.

I hate to tell you this, but I made a pretty-much similar prediction last year for 2009.

[AdminAssistant]

After kicking Michigan State's arse up and down the court, KU brings home another NCAA title (that's not ridiculous!). Then, the usual calm, crowded party downtown becomes a freakin' riot and the Eldridge gets burned down. Again. Some partygoers report seeing the ghost of Quantrill laughing his ass off.

I propost my aforementioned dissertation topic on Evil Queen to my committee, they accept it, and I become the premiere 'cookies as performance' scholar.

[protege]

Here's another one for 2010...the Pittsburgh Pirates will actually *make* it to the World Series, their first in 30 years!