I have to say it somewhere

[Hyena Dandy]

I don't know why I'm saying it here... YOu guys seem like a safe community, though... Not judgemental... I cut today. On the forehead. A lot of bad stuff had happened... I guess it wouldn't sound bad to people like you, who have real problems but... It was bad for me... I'd never done it before. Didn't feel good... But it did make me feel a little better... Which really scares me, because I don't want to ruin my pretty body... So I had a Red Bull, and went and cried in my room for a while... And I guess I'm just saying this so I can let someone know, and at the same time not change what people I'm really close to think of me. I'm sorta scared...

[Sunsetsky]

I'm sorry things have been rough for you lately. I hope things get better for you. If you need to talk or anything drop me a private message.

Edit: As Broomjockey and Amina said I would also look into councilling. But the offer for an open ear is still there.

[Broomjockey]

Find help. Now. Get some councilling. Cutting is an incredibly bad behaviour to get in to the habit of, and it's indicative of a larger problem.

Seriously. Find something in your area.

[Amina516]

Find help. Now. Get some councilling. Cutting is an incredibly bad behaviour to get in to the habit of, and it's indicative of a larger problem.

Seriously. Find something in your area.

Please, Hyena.

You owe it to yourself.

[MaggieTheCat]

I agree with Broom and Amina. Sunsetsky, and many others including myself, are willing to be here for you and listen if you want to talk, but none of us have the professional training to give you the help you need. Please find someone in your area who can.

[Jester]

This is not good. Bad stuff or not, this is not good.

But you are not alone. A lot of people have cut themselves. Some you would not suspect.

Like me.

When my first love, The Enchantress, dumped me, I was beside myself. I was out of my mind. And I took my knife and carved her name into my upper arm. And then called my friend Boog. Monotone: "Boog, can you come over?" Boog: "Jester, I dunno...." Me, same exact monotone: "Boog, can you come over?" Boog, sensing something was up: "I'll be right there."

And she was, within minutes. She saw what I had done, something I would effectively hide from my parents for weeks while it healed. It was the most intentionally self-destructive thing I had ever done. And oddly, it relieved me. It made me feel better. Around the same time, the same friend saw me hurl my beloved bicycle (which she knew was my prize possession) 30 feet through the air to land in a *thump* on the road, and she knew I was not right in the head.
My reasoning was that however much she could hurt me, I could hurt myself more.

I was absolutely wrong. And that was the first and last time I cut myself, despite my lifelong obsession with knives. (I currently have a butterfly knife almost identical to the one I used on my arm that day.)

I was lucky. I recognized what I was doing and was able to stop. Not everyone can do that. Not everyone is that lucky. Please, as has been stated, see a professional.

And know that you are not alone.

[AnqeiicDemise]

I've been there, HD. It is a terrible cycle to get into but at least you have recognized its wrong and have reached out to someone.

Someone had to reach out to me to get me to stop. I haven't been able to stop completely but at least it has gotten better. I slip once a year, maybe? I cry more, and I scream more.. but I don't cut anymore.

HD, be vain about it if you need to. At least you still give a damn and feel. Latch onto that feeling because that is what will help you maintain that control.

And to echo what everybody's said before: find a counselor to talk to. Whatever you do, don't bottle it up.

PM me if you need to.

[thegiraffe]

Cutting is a self-destructive behavior that can quickly manifest into something worse.

There are several reasons that people cut, but there are a couple that are more prevalent.
(a) It's a way of feeling in control, much like eating disorders. People who exhibit those behaviors feel like they don't have control in any part of their lives, so they resort to self-destructive behaviors so they can feel some control somewhere.
(b) There's just so much emotional pain and the person just doesn't know what to do with it, where to begin, or how to deal with it in a healthy manner. Therefore, they cut. The reasoning is that I'm going to change my emotional pain, something I don't know how to deal with, into physical pain, which I understand.

Get help, Hyena. Call this hotline: 800-273-TALK (8255). It's an organization called Mental Health America. Sometimes it's helpful to just have a trained ear listen to you.

And here's the thing: You feel a strong urge to let people know what you did because it's your way of crying for help. You know that it was self-destructive and unhealthy and you want to change it. That's a huge step! Many people who self-injure deny it until they're blue in the teeth. I'm convinced that you want to stop the behavior and not do it again. However, when times get tough again (and they will), what will you do? How will you react?

Get help. Call the hotline I gave you. Do SOMETHING.

[Hyena Dandy]

I do plan to do something. I'm telling my psychologist. We have a meeting tomorrow... I'm very concerned because cutting is something I don't want to do... And I don't want to get into...

Thank you for the support. I just thank God I have my friends here for me as well as my doctors, or I might not have been able to post.

Edit: I feel better now, almost normal, but I know better than to relax. I'm having a friend keep an eye on me.

[Sheldonrs]

You've heard good advice here already and you know what to do so all I'll offer is *HUGS*.

I've never tried cutting but I tried more permanent means to feel better and came close a few times. It's been a long time since I felt the need to try it again.

I hope things get better for you.

Shel

[TheSHAD0W]

What you are doing is causing your own body to release endorphins into your system. Adrenaline, for one. It is an interesting and exciting sensation and you can become psychologically addicted.

There are many other things you can do which will give you that endorphin high, which are more interesting and productive and less inane than cutting. Get out, take some risks. Extrovert yourself. What, you're afraid? You're slicing holes in yourself and you're afraid of letting loose?