Forgiveness. (Long and.. well. personal).

[Plaidman]

I can hold a grudge. Especally towards bullies and thieves. Yeah, I know I should let go, but hey, its hard to do, especally when people that hurt me basically get whatever they want and are perfectly happy, proves to me Karma really doesn't exist. Especally in my job, when more then once I been burned. I can remember for sure, two real regular customers, both real nice guys. Both stole from me. I caught them. Both were embrased, and didn't come back til months later. They beg me to let them back in, and they are super duper sorry and insert long list of reasons they had to steal that beer or porno magazine. Both times I said fine. Sure. Mistakes happen. I've done it too. I use to steal all the time when I was younger. I use to try to burn places down. (I was like 8....). Both times they were nice and fine and didn't do anything. Both both ended up stealing from me again.

But this isn't about idiot thieves. This is more personal. This is about one of my uncles.

This uncle isn't well liked by anyone in the family. Even his kids have a hard time liking him. First off, he use to be way over protected of his daughters. To the point where if they weren't in school, they had to be in his eye sight. He drank cough syrup like crazy. He did do alot of drugs, something mom blames herself for since she started him on it, but even then, he was crazy when he was a kid too, like killing small animals or spoiling all the food in the fridge by hiding it. A few times when mom didn't have a choice, I had to stay with him. While I hated him, and still do to this day, I did get to hang with my cousins Megan and Mikey, who are some of my favorite cousins. None of us had friends as it was, and we were all kinda the black sheep of the family, so we were pretty close. ..um. real close. Like.. yeah. Look. We were just kids, nothing bad, but we did do stuff we shouldn't have done. However, I did have to endure one thing at uncles house. After he got done with a long day of his work, (Where he was eventually fired for embezzlement and stealing drugs), he had to see his favorite show.

Live wrestling. The man made me and my cousin beat each other for his amusment. If we didn't bruise, or bleed, or loose teeth, or hair, it wasn't good enough and he would fight us. We were kids. He was a tall man with alot of musle and a sick perverse joy in hurting. So yeah, rather then feel his pain which would hurt, and we were scared to death that he would, well, kill us. So yay. We would beat each other hard until we bleed or bruise, or black out. Then at night, me, him and his sister would all cuddle up and hug under a blanket and try to figure out how to start the motercyle and drive to North Pole for Santa Claus.

Eventually Grandpa found out. He knew he was abusive, but he didn't know the excent. I learned later that grandpa threaten uncle if he ever did that to me again, it would be him and grandpa to fight, and grandpa had to remind him that he had beaten people to death in the war. Note, he said he do that if he did it to me, not anything to his kids.

Is it any shock that my younger cousin mikey is in prison? He went into a junvinle one when he was 15 for multiple armed robbriiess. Ones that I have no doubt in my mind his dad made him do. That both of his daughters have kids, as in more then one, before they hit 18?

The man is a thief. A liar. A sadist.

So then, I'm curious, as to why, especally since he such a money grubbing, thieving, lying sick sonofabitch, who I refused to talk to since the last time he threw me across the room by my hair because it was too long for him? (Unless I HAD too of course).

The man is sending me comics. Like OLD comics. Like from the 1960s and such. No letter. No mail. Just a big fat package from him, with tons and tons of comics, and a message from him on facebook asking if I got the comics.

I don't get it. I hate that man. I've talked to mom about it, and she has said what most family say about him. They /love/ him. But they sure don't like him.

Around the time grandpa was dying, and the family was visiting him as much as possible, me and another cousin asked him to come. We were in the back of the car, mom was driving. We asked for him to come because, well, grandpa was dying. He said no. We did typically teen thing, and asked again. The man punched the window nearly breaking it seemed, Ricky had to lock the door as a very pissed off uncle was attempting to rip the door open to strangle him screaming that he said no and he fucking meant it and he will fucking ram it down our throats. Mom took off, but didn't say much. Like it wasnt even a shock to her. Ricky and I were looking back and uncle was chasing us.


So, is he looking for forgivness from me? Why? I don't talk to him, I have nothing to do with him. Yet he keeps sending me packages of old comics. I can't even bring myself to sale them. I do love comics. But why me of all people? He sure as hell could make money off of them.

[Pedersen]

Forgiveness? Maybe, maybe not. There could be a much simpler reason, though: If he kept them for that long, then they probably mean something to him. Add in that he has to be getting up in years from what you've said (past 50, probably past 60, maybe past 70), and mortality is peering at him.

If he knows you like comics, then giving them to you is a way to preserve something that meant something to him. Even if you wind up selling them, you're going to sell them to someone else that will take care of them. The end result is that something that matters to him lives on in some form.

To some degree, I can sympathize with that feeling. I've got a few things that I want to make sure stay with my family when I pass on (and I'm not even past 40!). He may be hoping that forgiveness will happen, or he may be wanting someone to take care of something that matters to him. Could be either, could be both.

Just a theory.

[joe hx]

Forgiveness? Maybe. Maybe as he aged, he's now off drugs and sorry. He sounds like he needs the kind of psychiatric care that we only have today. Perhaps he has that now.

Then again, maybe in his sick twisted mind, he thinks you enjoyed those times together and wants to reconnect.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd be too scared to see him until he's at least on his deathbed, when the tables are turned and he no longer poses a physical threat to you. Of course, he might pose a threat in that you might black out and harm him in some one.

Yeah, ouch man.

[morgana]

First off, Plaidman, my deepest sympathies.

Secondly, maybe I have a rather . . . specialized . . . way of looking at it, but I would not call your feelings about your uncle "holding a grudge". I would call it "protecting yourself from a predator". To my mind, holding a grudge implies a need to damage the other person to avenge the harm done to you. To refuse to put yourself in the power (or even the path) of someone like your uncle is simply self-defense.

Third, to address your questions about forgiveness. Your uncle may not know himself why he's suddenly sending you stuff. It may be that he is seeking your forgiveness. It may be, as Pederson says, that he wants something he values to be protected. It may be that he's only seeking to have you back as a victim. Which he is doing, in a way, since it's clear that you're now thinking about him again, when you didn't want to.

Either way, the thing you must remember is that you are no longer the boy he terrorized. You're a man; his equal. He cannot have any power over you that you do not give him.

If you want the comics, keep them. Make where they came from irrelevant in your own mind.

If you don't want the reminder, sell them and do what you want with the money. Buy yourself a wrestling trophy . Make something good out of something bad by donating the money to a home for abused kids.

If it's really bothering you that much, make a bonfire. Imagine pouring all your hate and anger into it, like oil, to make the fire burn brighter.

If you want to slap him in the face, start refusing the packages.

Forgive him? Talk to him? Continue to ignore him? Whack him where it hurts? Who cares? All you need to care about is that he's no longer in control. You are.