Must rant before I kill my mother

[shankyknitter]

So my Mother called today. Before we continue allow me to state that I love my mother, I really do. But she and I fail to see eye to eye on certain things. Like marriage and procreation. A bit of background: I am 21. I'm still in college. I'm single, not dating anyone, not married, as single as someone can get. I do not want children. Ever. Decided this when I was 13 and I haven't changed my mind since, and I don't see my mind changing in the foreseeable future. Cue the following phone conversation:

Me- shankyknitter
mom- the mother of shankyknitter

Mom: Knitter sweetie when are you planning on getting married?
Me: uh... wasn't. Kinda single at the moment mom and aren't I a bit young to worry about that?

Mom: Hell no! You should have been married last year, at this rate you're going to hit 30 before you even tie the knot and where does that leave you as far as kids?

Me: That's a non-issue. I don't want them.

Mom: You'll change your mind about that. But you need to have them before 30 Knitter dear otherwise you'll be too old to be a first time mom.

Me: I won't be a first time mom and 30. I won't have kids.

Mom: You'll change your mind.

Me: Uh...no I don't believe I will.

Mom: You will or you're going to die old and alone with no one to love you. Now why aren't you working harder on getting a father for your kids.

I may or may not have hung up on my mother.

[Amina516]

Mom: You will or you're going to die old and alone with no one to love you. Now why aren't you working harder on getting a father for your kids.

Wow. What?

Is she THAT desperate for grandkids?

Please, if you dont want kids, dont have them. Im hoping you hanging up on her gave her a clue that she was out of line.

[Exaspera]

I'm surprised she isn't wanting you to get an education! So sorry this is happening to you. I thought that kind of thinking went out years ago.

[Treasure]

WOW. that's .... um, yeah.

1 - that's a little bit of a 50's attitude,
2 - its ok to have kids @ 30 -45 if you so chose
3 - not being married, or having kids, does in no way make you less of a woman.


you could always tell your mom you're a lesbian- or at least considering it.

I'm 26 and live at home with my parents, pay rent and help out around the house - my mom drives me nuts b/c she also believes that i need to date, and get out and meet people, keeps asking if advertised dating sites cost (rule of thumb - if you see it on tv, they have to make money somehow) BUT then when i make arrangements to meet a young man at a public venue she complains that my attempts at a social life going out inconveniences her. we've also had an argument where i swear to skittles that she accused me in one breath of being a prude, and a slut promiscuous in the very next


So believe me I understand your pain - but at the same time your mom is just wanting what she believes is best for you - she just doesn't understand that its nothing at all like what you want for yourself.

[r2cagle]

You could purchase some picture frames that have a stock photo in them... send to your mom. There's my family, Mom.

Yeah, you're right. It's mean and moms can make you pay.

[bookworm]

I'm 39, been married for 5 years in May, and my mother just figured out that I'm serious about not having kids. Of course, I finally told her that I couldn't have any, so that may have helped!

[Red_Dazes]

My mom constantly bugs me about "When are you and The Beau going to get married?" "You are going to get married right?"

just three days ago we had this conversation,

"Red are you and The Beau getting along?"
"Yeah, of course... why?"
"Well...it's just you have been dating for so long, I thought you'd be married by now, so I figured you must be fighting or something."
Face palm


I'm glad you hung up on your mom, she needs to learn when to stop pestering. ((buy a cat and tell her that it is as close to kids as you are getting)) My mom still doesn't believe that I do not want kids...ever...ever.....

[MaggieTheCat]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Absolutely ridiculous that she thinks you need to be married by 20-21. *offers cookies*

[shankyknitter]

I've already presented her with a hedgehog (my baby Winston!) and told her that was as close to grandkids as she was getting. Somehow a prickly ball of anti-social hate did not satisfy her desire for grandspawn.

[Sliceanddice]

I have the opposite problem.

im 23 dont date wont be dating anytime soon because i am not the type person to be club hoping i dont want to go from here to phoenix for gay club with a lesbian crowd and am shy but i do want kids and always have.

my mom still looks at me like- You? Kids? whwen ever i say i want kids one day...

[Elspeth]

good lord sounds like my mother in law. The hubby and I have been together since the 9th grade (19 years June 1st. Yes I am old)

About year 2 or 3, she was telling him to see other people. We had a massive fight broke up for a week. He went on a date, didn't have much fun. We missed each other too much. Been together ever since.

About year 5 or 6 (it blurs, again I am old :P) she was asking him why I haven't made him marry him yet. Mind you I am knee deep in college at this point and he was working and going to school. This was not the time to get married. We finally got married 2 days after I graduted from college. Not something I would recommend doing. Go to Vegas

I am impressed she hasn't started in about kids. My Mom has. For some reason it scares me to death. I want kids but something about it scares me.

And no I don't spend a lot of time with his parents if I can help it.

[morgana]

Knitter, your mom sounds very much like mine used to. Which is kinda depressing when you consider that I'm 30-mumble years older than you.

Fortunately, I never had to get actually nasty to my mother, and she subsided when my siblings started giving her grandkids (10 total). But I had to have repeated less-than-pleasant conversations with her on the subject.

I had kinda hoped this attitude would die out. *sigh* No such luck, huh?

[blas]

Comforting pats and hugs to everyone who suffers mothers like that.

[Onemagicmummy]

oh heck no!

thats just not on. and if you do change your mind and do wants kids later on in life, 30 is NOT too old to be a first time mum. 21 is young. (i was 21 when my first was born and in hindsight, yeah a bit too young, but i wouldnto swap my son for anything)

Kiz

[Magpie]

If your mother thinks that this is a funny joke, or good small talk, tell her in no uncertain terms (use small words if necessary) that it's not. Actually... you can always go "mom, I know you think it's funny to pretend that you think I'm planning on having kids some day, but I really don't appreciate it" anyhow.

And just as a side rant - even if she KNOWS that you are going to change your mind, what good does it do to disagree with you? This bugs me just as much as my sister's boss going on and on about how horrified our parents must be that I was getting married so young (23 years old, with my BASc).

2 - its ok to have kids @ 30 -45 if you so chose

Ok, but not necessarily feasible. That being said, mom's just out of line on this.