Tweet
Just needed to vent someplace where I am not going to get flack for complaining.... >< It is long and filled with self-pity! BE WARNED!
I am so burnt out right now with everything. I am trying to juggle reading the Scarlet Letter for Lit class (it has to be read by the end of the week), reading the first 230 pages of The Hidden hand for Lit class book club, Work on a Colonial Literature Paper for Lit class ((rough due by the end of next week)). Do a long Journal post every night for Lit class, try and figure out what material to study (since Prof will not tell me) for my mid-term which I have to take 3 days early because of a trip we have had planned since December (I made sure that I would only miss 2 days of school and wouldn't you know it one of those days is the Midterm >.<), find and record the Name, Location, Hours, and contact numbers/persons for 19 locations around campus, Do a quiz/test every day for Math Lab, do math homework for said quiz/test every night, Try and balance the Lit Club activities ((which I stupidly volunteered for at the beginning of the quarter)) with out help since the only other club member willing to help out just sprained her ankle and cannot make it. Play with/take care of Ferrets + Cat ((which is my one fun thing but still a mandatory part of my day)) House work -dishes, laundry, cleaning... making dinner, making the Beau lunch, making The Beau breakfast, try and find time for family or else suffer through them whining at me constantly about never seeing me ((it is easier to just see them and get it over with than to be pestered every day))...and still try and find time to bath, sleep and eat.....
I don't know... it might not seem like much to a lot of people. The Beau constantly tells me that it really isn't that bad... .but I am freaking the F*@$ out. I don't feel like I have had an honest moment of relaxation in MONTHS, every time I try and sit down to relax ((like now)) I just stress myself out more thinking about what I SHOULD be doing instead. And I'm so stressed I haven't been sleeping for shit... which just makes everything SOOO much worse... so to top it all off I am tired all the time, which really makes everything harder.
And today was just icing on the cake.... I woke up and just KNEW it was one of those days I should have crawled back into bed and never come out. The Beau wasn't feeling well this morning... but he can't miss more work... he missed about 2 weeks ((with a doctors note)) only to find out that his work doesn't accept doctors notes unless it is a SERIOUS illness...like cancer.... so he is on suspension, so if he misses more work he could get fired. So that caused a big argument this morning, he ended up going in late because I just gave up trying to force him... The big fight we had kind of took president over everything and I forgot to write my Lit Journal till it was too late...and eat... ran out the door to get him to work and get to school on time.... cue argument about my driving. I am a bit overly emotional right now I've got some "hormone" issues this week *cough* and on top of that yesterday was the one year anniversary of my Ludo's death, not to mention it is storming today and my ankle is KILLING me from the pressure change... I am limping ((so really not a good day)) anyway, that lead to me crying all the way to school... THEN I couldn't find any parking.... I circled and circled and circled every parking lot... was late for class... in my rush I forgot to turn off my cell.... and of course Mom called in the middle of the lecture.... Cue evil eye from teacher as "The Phantom of the Opera" filled the class room. Tried to get a cookie from the vending machine between classes... but it was broken and ate my money instead.... rushed to second class... only to realize the home work I did last night had fallen out of my folder..... Go to math lab and try to do some math work and almost pass out from hunger, so I go home instead and get some food with mom((that was fun so GOOD PART YEY))... find homework on living room floor all crumpled up from cat "kneading" on it. Do some homework... go pick up Beau, he is in a very good mood, but I am feeling like crap still....I try to be in a good mood but I am not good at hiding crap like that from him.... cue argument about what is wrong...which leads into a fight about how stressed I am...which leads to more crying and yelling.... which leads to 9:00 rolling around and NOTHING being done that I needed to get done.... and now I have to go try and sleep or I will die tomorrow trying to catch up with everything I missed today.....
sorry... I just needed to get it off my chest before I really go crazy and start destroying things or turning it into self loathing.... I just feel like there is so much to do and not enough of me or time to do it all.....
I am so burnt out right now with everything. I am trying to juggle reading the Scarlet Letter for Lit class (it has to be read by the end of the week), reading the first 230 pages of The Hidden hand for Lit class book club, Work on a Colonial Literature Paper for Lit class ((rough due by the end of next week)). Do a long Journal post every night for Lit class, try and figure out what material to study (since Prof will not tell me) for my mid-term which I have to take 3 days early because of a trip we have had planned since December (I made sure that I would only miss 2 days of school and wouldn't you know it one of those days is the Midterm >.<), find and record the Name, Location, Hours, and contact numbers/persons for 19 locations around campus, Do a quiz/test every day for Math Lab, do math homework for said quiz/test every night, Try and balance the Lit Club activities ((which I stupidly volunteered for at the beginning of the quarter)) with out help since the only other club member willing to help out just sprained her ankle and cannot make it. Play with/take care of Ferrets + Cat ((which is my one fun thing but still a mandatory part of my day)) House work -dishes, laundry, cleaning... making dinner, making the Beau lunch, making The Beau breakfast, try and find time for family or else suffer through them whining at me constantly about never seeing me ((it is easier to just see them and get it over with than to be pestered every day))...and still try and find time to bath, sleep and eat.....
I don't know... it might not seem like much to a lot of people. The Beau constantly tells me that it really isn't that bad... .but I am freaking the F*@$ out. I don't feel like I have had an honest moment of relaxation in MONTHS, every time I try and sit down to relax ((like now)) I just stress myself out more thinking about what I SHOULD be doing instead. And I'm so stressed I haven't been sleeping for shit... which just makes everything SOOO much worse... so to top it all off I am tired all the time, which really makes everything harder.
And today was just icing on the cake.... I woke up and just KNEW it was one of those days I should have crawled back into bed and never come out. The Beau wasn't feeling well this morning... but he can't miss more work... he missed about 2 weeks ((with a doctors note)) only to find out that his work doesn't accept doctors notes unless it is a SERIOUS illness...like cancer.... so he is on suspension, so if he misses more work he could get fired. So that caused a big argument this morning, he ended up going in late because I just gave up trying to force him... The big fight we had kind of took president over everything and I forgot to write my Lit Journal till it was too late...and eat... ran out the door to get him to work and get to school on time.... cue argument about my driving. I am a bit overly emotional right now I've got some "hormone" issues this week *cough* and on top of that yesterday was the one year anniversary of my Ludo's death, not to mention it is storming today and my ankle is KILLING me from the pressure change... I am limping ((so really not a good day)) anyway, that lead to me crying all the way to school... THEN I couldn't find any parking.... I circled and circled and circled every parking lot... was late for class... in my rush I forgot to turn off my cell.... and of course Mom called in the middle of the lecture.... Cue evil eye from teacher as "The Phantom of the Opera" filled the class room. Tried to get a cookie from the vending machine between classes... but it was broken and ate my money instead.... rushed to second class... only to realize the home work I did last night had fallen out of my folder..... Go to math lab and try to do some math work and almost pass out from hunger, so I go home instead and get some food with mom((that was fun so GOOD PART YEY))... find homework on living room floor all crumpled up from cat "kneading" on it. Do some homework... go pick up Beau, he is in a very good mood, but I am feeling like crap still....I try to be in a good mood but I am not good at hiding crap like that from him.... cue argument about what is wrong...which leads into a fight about how stressed I am...which leads to more crying and yelling.... which leads to 9:00 rolling around and NOTHING being done that I needed to get done.... and now I have to go try and sleep or I will die tomorrow trying to catch up with everything I missed today.....
sorry... I just needed to get it off my chest before I really go crazy and start destroying things or turning it into self loathing.... I just feel like there is so much to do and not enough of me or time to do it all.....
Comment