My whiny friend snapped.

[Plaidman]

A much grieving and venting person I vent about, J, who does alot of stupid irriating things. He cries, whines, bitchs, pouts, insults people I care about, etc etc, really did it this time.

I'm not even sure what to do. I'm still shaken.

Today is game night. We game once a week with another friend. It might be Dungeons and Dragons, might Be Vampire, might be Marvel, DragonBall, RIFTs, basically any roleplaying game we feel like.

we kinda bitter and argued. It started with a missing character sheet from another friend T. He asked me if I put it up on the webpage, and I remarked no seeing as no-one goes on it. Ever. No-one posts. No-one reads anything I put up on it. No-one helps out. It's kinda sad when the lesser players that only play a game once every two months post more there. J snapped. He said he purposly doesn't do that, because he refuses to go to webpages that he is told too post. It feels like work, and he goes to webpages to have fun. (His primary reason he never comes here....). So I remarked that that's why I'm taking it down because no-one goes to it anyway.

J snaps more. He starts playcrying going whaaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaa no-one goes to my webpage!!! GO TO MY WEBPAGE! I'm A BABY!!! WHAAAAAA"


I stood up. Grabbed my phone, said fine I'm going home.

I went outside to call my mom for a ride. It goes to voice mail and I'm leaving an address when suddenly I feel a whamp and I'm on the ground. J had slammed me in the back of my head with enough force to send me down. (He claims it was a slap).

I stood up and starting to run as fast as I can trying to call mom for help. J is screming. I get a hold of ma, she tells me to call police. John tackles me and rips my phone out. I start to run as much as I can to the Safeway for help. J is much bigger, stronger, faster, more endurence, healther then me, and dispite how much I can fight customers when I have too? I can't bring myself to hit a friend. I just... can't. Because I know that if I do, I wouldn't play fair and I would slam his glasses deeep into his eyes.

Safeway door doesn't open. I scream to a delivery guy to call police as John is rapidly coming closer, and he just smirks and laughs and ignores me.

J throws my phone at me and screams to go ahead and ruin our friendship.

I get my phone, dialing 911, and it goes to a computer that asks if this is a real emergency say emergency. I do, trying to give displatcher directons. I have no idea where I am. They don't know where I am. I see an address on a sign at an apartments, give it to them and fall into the courtyard, and limp into some bushs while John is screaming to talk to him. I'm working with the dispatch, who transfers me to another department because I appretnly went into a different city or something.

I give directions again, where I am, where he is, what he looks like, his name number, don't know his address. Don't know Tom address where he is, no weapons, no we're not high or drunk. John wonders away, and I race to the street to try to wave down any cops.

Cops do come. No I don't want to press charges, I just want my stuff and go home without fear that he'll beat me. We are about to go to Tom's house where john is, when we see Tom running up.

Cops talk to him again, ask if I want them to come, or just have Tom as the intermedite and have Tom take me home. That's fine.

We hoddle back to Toms place, where John is crying and weeping nad going on a guilt trip on me about how it's everyone's fault, he didn't punch me it was a slap, he was chasing me so that I could hit him because I left and didn't say why, so it must have been something that happen during my week at home or school and couldn't have to deal with that I don't need some child insulting my hardwork to imrpove our game. He didn't want to punch my back or chest or below the hip for all the tumors and fucked upness hip, and felt the back of my head was safest. (Wrong, I have some small tumors there too ><).
He cried and weep for a half hour saying he has such a horrible life nad he fucked up my life, and how my own mom called him up to scream at him. I assured him that I won't abandon him like everyone else ever had in his life.

Tom took me home, and now we're here.


Point is: I'm not sure. It's no secret that I'm desperate for friends. I crave them after a lifetime of not having them. But the fucking dude assulted me, and I felt afraid. I didn't even fight back due to the fact I cannot hit a friend. I never could. I don't want to lose a friend by hitting them (stupid crazy logic that oinly Plaidman can understand I know -_-).

..I just needed to vent. Sorry.

[Exaspera]

Holy Crap!!! Plaid, I'm sorry, but this is not the behavior of a friend. J is immature, everything else you said he was, and either needs counseling on anger management or just plain counseling. He really could have irreparably hurt you or worse!

I realize that it's very difficult to make true friends, but one like this is a terrible and physically harmful liability. Really.

At least make a list of the pros and cons of knowing him. Decide from there. He may be also taking advantage of the fact that you are afraid to lose him as a friend.

Please stay healthy. You are a great friend to us here. More folks are around you right where you live who would love to know you.

[Evil Queen]

Sweet cheeks, I know how you feel. I have trouble making friends too.

But I have to agree with Exaspera and say no, John is not your friend. Friends don't do that. It's best that you not associate with him anymore.

You will always make more friends. I know it's difficult but it will happen. With any luck Tom will be kind enough to introduce you to some better people.

[Mr. Anubite]

Evil Queen's right. I have trouble making friends too, so I know how you feel.

However, what he did goes way beyond acceptable.

[dendawg]

I'm sorry this happened to you, Plaid.

I'm gonna have to agree with the others...John is not your friend, Friends do not just suddenly snap one day, assault you, and chase you several blocks, making you fear for your life.

At this point, if you really do want John to still be your friend, make him earn it. Don't just let him say sorry and pretend like everything is still hunky dory, because you know damn well that it's not.

In the end, the decision is yours, but my call is cut all ties with him, at least temporarily. Just keep in mind, he did this once, and the chances are great that he will do it again.

[NiennasMaid]

UGH!

I'm so sorry, Plaid; that's just awful!

I know what it's like to want friends that badly, believe me; I never really had friends until my family got the internet when I was 13. All my life I've been convinced that the people around me were only being friendly because it was convenient, or they were just being polite or something.

But there are tons of people here who care about you. And even if that weren't the case, it doesn't mean you should put up with assault from someone who claims to be a friend. Friends simply don't do that.

[Overnight]

I've always had a very difficult time making friends, so I understand where you're coming from there.

I can't tell you what to do because it's your life and your decision. All I can say is that real friends are worth waiting for and that the genuinely good people out there won't treat you like J does.

P.S. There's no such thing as an unfair fight if you're the one being attacked and are not in an organized event like, say, karate.

[Nurian]

Friend? FRIEND! I'm sorry, man, but I call BS on that right now. This guy isn't your friend. He mocks you, assaults you, CHASES YOU DOWN AND THROWS YOUR OWN PHONE AT YOU, then has the audacity to claim that it's YOU ruining this relationship!

I can count on one hand the number of people who have attacked me. None of them are my friends any longer.

[Green_Fairy]

hun, if you have a "friend" that you do nothing but complain about, and the he goes and assaults you? not a friend. most definitely not a friend. breaking up may be hard to do, but it's totally necessary. dendawg's right. if he wants to be your friend, he needs to earn it. he needs to go out of his way proving to you that he's not going to be an obnoxious abusive twit anymore. which may not happen. until he's a decent human being, i'd steer clear of him if i were you.

on a similar note...how are you? no broken bones, not bleeding? nothing too bruised?

[trailerparkmedic]

How terrible!

I know it can be incredibly hard to make friends, but if you have to call the cops because you're afraid of someone? Not a friend. I imagine that it would be difficult to "break up" with J because he's part of game night, but if you're willing to maybe be friends with him, he needs to work very hard to be included.

[Cookie]

Going to chime in with the rest here. I have a hard time making friends. Tons of acquaintances, but very few friends. I could name off a ton of them right now that I thought were good friends that either double crossed me, spread nasty rumors about me, or dropped me for no apparent reason. (My FB friends list takes trimmings of 30 or more at a time.) There have been times in my life I would have done about anything for some friends. Putting up with physical assault, however, is NOT an option. This guy is a ticking time bomb and you don't want to be around when he goes off. This will NOT end well. No doubt. I don't want to see you get hurt, physically or otherwise, when the explosion does come.

[Plaidman]

I want to first thank you all for the replies. I also want to make note this isn't a pity cry. I might try to still be friends with him. Just not sure yet. I've know him since I was 17/18 in our collage courses before I dropped out. He introduced me to DnD and roleplaying, something that is a major part of my life as 1: Didn't have friends, and 2: Didn't know how to play even if I did.

He does have good things. He really really does at times. I feel like I'm sounding like a abused person in a abusive relationship right now. He does know of all my personal darkest secrets of my past, that a very few people here know of some. He hasn't disapproved of them. He can be counted on being there for the most part. We have alot of the same intrests/qualities with the exception of a few. (I used to hate to drink, now I have one once in a while, while he still refuses to even take a sip of a anything. That's fine by me). We have kinda same humor at times. More then once he stood up for me to some asshole customer that wouldn't leave. I mean really, this is the first time he seriously snapped. I would chop it up to his various own mental/emontional problems, and he at least takes medicene for it. Those problems being anxiety/panic disorder , Abandonment issues (Everyone has at one point or another, likely due to his needyness and higher then thou attuitude). The death of his daughter was recently brought up as his fault yet again by his ex (it was a miscarriage), he feels pressured to get a job that he can't get with his lack of experence/education, his parents are going to move somewhere very far and he won't be able to visit me who is his only friend since he can't afford to live anywhere with no job. He still can't get a girlfriend (More because he won't try. I at least ask girls out nowadays before I didn't). He been in therapy for his own mental issues where he can't seem to stop thinking about every bad moment of his life where he was the cause of something.

.... oi that really making him worst ><. He can be good guy. He uh, well gave a car to his ex's brothers for needing it. More then once he stopped to help someone on the road, or in the store. Of all my small list of friends/family, he was really the only one to visit me everyday when I was in the mental ward for attempted suicide. (All three times I was there). Even my mom has stated she just wouldn't care if I did do it because it just means its what I wanted. John has begged me not do to do it because he needs my support.

At least make a list of the pros and cons of knowing him. Decide from there. He may be also taking advantage of the fact that you are afraid to lose him as a friend.

Please stay healthy. You are a great friend to us here. More folks are around you right where you live who would love to know you.

XD Only sometimes I'm a good friend to people here. I can be a real jerk to some. I did make a list of pros and cons at bottom.

You will always make more friends. I know it's difficult but it will happen. With any luck Tom will be kind enough to introduce you to some better people.

Hard to make friends. I'm very wierd. Funny enough, it was I to introduce Tom to alot of people that are friends. He considers me one of his best friends, which is a strange compliment for a person in his forties.

However, what he did goes way beyond acceptable.

Again, he was hoping that I would hit him to get whatever was /bugging/ me out of my system because brothers fight all the time. I personally thought brothers fought until they grew up.

.[/B] Don't just let him say sorry and pretend like everything is still hunky dory, because you know damn well that it's not.

See, that's the difference between him and I. He needs to talk it over and over and over. I tend, for most part, not always, but most part just want things to go under the carpent and forget it. I can do that for friends and family with utter ease. But he can't, which makes it difficult to move on which is just what I want.

P.S. There's no such thing as an unfair fight if you're the one being attacked and are not in an organized event like, say, karate.

There is to me. He was a friend. i can't hurt a friend, I don't want to hurt people I care about. Customers that attacked me? I don't know their life. I don't know their family. I don't care how their family reacts. For people I don't know that attack me? I fight dirty. I use weapons at my hand no matter how big or strong they are. I fight until ether cops come or they run off.

on a similar note...how are you? no broken bones, not bleeding? nothing too bruised?

Only thing brused is my ego and emontions. I'm fine otherwise.

List of PROS:
Plays DnD
Mostly same attuitude to alot of things
Has a car
Can easily forgive me with even the worst things I've done
Sticks up for me
Visits me at hosptial
can loan me money/give rides
For most part, cares for me.
Gave me entire collection of Batman DVDs (Animated Series)
Was really one that managed to get me a massauge from professional one recently.

CONS:
... His constant whining about his life being horrible but not doing anything to fix.
Him staring at girls boobs. (Very rarely around me now)
His constant need of approval
Made fun of my mom. Twice.
Doesn't like my other friends David and Randy, because they are /gross/ and won't help me visit them. I don't have a car, and they live across state in Battle Ground Washington.
He did make me fearful recently.


...
I'll shutup. Seriously though. Thanks for the replies. It is making me do alot of thinkign really.

[Solumina]

If it was a healthy friendship then you wouldn't be trying to justify it here. This guy is bad for you and the friendship is pretty much dead.

If you want to then feel free to still see him around other friends in very public places and talk with him on the phone as much as you want but be careful, the dude clearly has some problems and you don't need to put yourself in harm's way.

[Food Lady]

I agree. The list of pros just doesn't justify his violence against you. I always say that one shouldn't completely give up on people, but allowing him to continue with the abuse condones it. You can't physically control him, but you can keep yourself out harm's way as much as possible.

[Mishi]

Well Plaidman, you certainly seem like a good friend to many people here, so don't put yourself down! If you're not ready to abandon your friendship with J, how about organising things the same way you would if you were meeting an online friend for the first time. You know, all the usual safety stuff, just until he gets his life together and then you can decide from there if you still want to be friends with J. I do agree that it isn't a healthy relationship though, and if I was in your shoes, the friendship would be over. Good luck with whatever you decide.