just having an open thinking session

[Binky]

This is really a lot of thinking out loud and rambling...sorry if it makes no sense...

Anyways, I recently cut off all contact with a VERY detrimental "friend" who was really damaging to me both mentally and physically. But that's another rant....

Obviously we were friends for a reason, mainly the fact that we did indeed have very similar tastes in hobbies, fashions, and music. As well as I guess movies and books.

One problem I always had with this person is that once they latched onto a hobby/artist/movie whatever it became "theirs". I was no longer aloud to "like it" unless I "admitted" that I was copying them. YES so very very VERY childish!

However, this is the treatment I got from them for 17/18 years (yes it took a while to boot them with many an attempt in between) Now I have this thing STUCK in my brain that if someone does something before me, no matter what it is, even if I liked it/did it before they "announced" that this is what they were doing/did/liked. I just can't keep going with it. I can't even bring myself to admit to being the "same". It's so very sad. I still feel this way and what shit's me is that a lot of the things I like have links to this person that was so very damaging to me. But I don't think it's right that I just stop liking these things. Obviously. I shouldn't have to. Yes maybe I was introduced to something because of this person...but ahhhh anyways

Where does this crap come from? I'm bloody 26 years of age and STILL this "high school" mentality bothers me...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[r2cagle]

You don't say what these 'likes' are, but if it's something with a formal group, maybe you could join... or start your own group?

It would be good to have friends with the same interests that are not like 'ex'-friend so that you can see how to discuss and have similar interests in a normal, healthy way. And your response to anyone else announcing news about your interests can be, 'Hey, that's pretty cool, I decided to do that too about (time frame). What do you think of..... (topic related question)?'

As far as changing your 'high school mentality' thinking, that will just take lots of positive reinforcement and practice.

[Solumina]

This is the kind of thing that will take time to get over. Something helpful may be joining online communities focused on specific things that you like, that way you learn how to share an interest with people in a healthy kind of way. It is sometimes easier for people to interact online without the same problems that they have irl because there is a degree of separation so you may find that to be the case here.

[Plaidman]

I want to make note that the evil trademark is mine. Just cause I haven't used it for years, doesn't mean my usage is up.


KIDDING


Sorry. Yeah. It'll take soe time, but you'll get over it. Promise.

[Binky]

I know, time will heal all wounds. whish that it would hurry up!

As for my likes...some of these involve things you collect, another like is a type of animal I like...an animal I liked since I was little but was never obsessed with them. Others is really music artists and so on. Just general stuff.

Hope that makes some sense

I have signed up to a forum about the hobby, only thing is this person is joined as well, and I'm trying to find another forum to join so that this person can't see what I do.

[r2cagle]

Ya know...

You should really look to your sig for inspiration.

And change your user name and information to something that person won't recognize and have fun on that forum.

[Jester]

Sometimes it's absolutely necessary to defriend someone, and I am not talking about facebook. Sometimes people we have chosen as our friends prove themselves to be unworthy of the honor and privilege of such status. It has happened to me, at various times with various people for various reasons. It has not happened often, but when it did, I knew that the time had come where this person needed to be out of my life.

Your ex-friend was, how shall I put this politely, an immature petulant bratty fuckwad. Your life is better with them gone, a true example of addition by subtraction.

Now you need to exorcise the demon they left behind. You need to like whatever you like, and if someone else likes it, well, so what? Fuck it. The world is big enough for two people to be obsessed with Anna Paquin enjoy the same hobby. Keep reminding yourself of this whenever you get interested in something. And when you feel that mental tug when someone else expresses interest in that same thing, and you want to give it up because it's not "yours," remind yourself that that feeling comes from your association with a fucking idiot that is no longer part of your life.

[Binky]

thank you everyone.

Jester you speak the truth, this demond needs to be gone and now! I'm working on it, signed up to a few forums to get the creative juices working again. Hoping that one day I can get myself to a point where I can just start working on my hobbies again without the pangs.

lol I almost think I should write a novel on the shit this person pulled. Trust me it would be a read and a half. Only issue being is if they find it...they will cause hell! And yeah...anyways thinking about things that have not and may never happen...stopping that NOW

[Jester]

Only issue being is if they find it...they will cause hell!

Fictionalize part of it.

And if they still give you hell, send them my way. Preferably on a day I'm in a bad mood already. They won't bother you anymore after that.

[Seshat]

Different names, different setting, different character personalities. Just that character with the same flaws that have him/her pulling the behaviour, and the you-character with the same initial flaws that have you permitting it.

The process of writing the novel may, in fact, help you exorcise the demon. Especially if you use this structure:

Act 1:
Introduce Protagonist (you); show flaw, show positive traits
Introduce Antagonist (them); show flaw, show positive traits (yes, everyone has a positive trait. Even if it's just a love for a long-haired white cat)
Introduce Ally: friend of Protagonist who will help them overcome their flaw

Protagonist and Antagonist both perform acts which bring them into conflict in some external and obvious way. Said acts occur because of their inner flaws, and arise naturally out of who they are.

Act 2:
Conflict escalates.
Protagonist's inner flaw makes him/her reluctant to actually face the conflict.
Antagonist, getting his/her own way, raises the stakes.
(rinse and repeat a couple of times, if desired.)

Ally encourages Protagonist to face inner flaw; usually by revealing that their own inner flaw is somehow similar, and they've faced it.
Protagonist attempts to deal with conflict. Faces inner flaw. Baulks.
Ally gets pissed off, usually rants and raves or leaves or something.

Protagonist makes an attempt to deal with inner flaw.
Ally acknowledges the attempt, rewards Protagonist in some way.

Another conflict arises, Protagonist temporarily drives Antagonist off somehow, discovers Horrible Truth: the conflict threatens the Protagonist and what they love. (In your case, it's taking your ability to enjoy your hobbies from you.)

Act 3:

The Protagonist faces inner flaw more fully; usually with the assistance of Ally.

The next time the conflict occurs, the Protagonist overcomes flaw and wins (yay!) or decides to keep flaw and loses (we usually call this tragedy).

There is usually an aftermath scene, a Funny Animal Moment, or both.



Acts 1 and 3 should be roughly equally long, Act 2 should be roughly twice as long as the others. The section where the Protagonist is dealing with the inner flaw and baulking should be roughly at the halfway point of the book.

This, by the way, is an example of 'the formula'. As in "we want fresh, original stories that closely follow our formula'.
There are many such formulas, this is just one of them.

BTW: this one describes such disparate films as Rocky, and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.