Friend's Baby RIP

[Plaidman]

So one of my classmates who I consider a friend, as we worked together alot and did talk and such was very pregnet. We figured she gave birth as she haven't shown to class for awhile and was due.

We found out today that she did give birth, but baby died 17 minutes afterwards.

May he rest in peace.

She isn't talking or doing anything right now.

[tollbaby]

Oh That's horrible....

My brother and his wife had a baby last January that died in August I've lost a lot of people in my life, and nothing has ever hurt quite as much as losing my nephew. It will take her a long time to get over this Even now that they've had another baby, I'll still just spontaneously start crying because I miss the first one (I think my sister-in-law thought a "replacement" baby would make the pain go away).

I'm very, very sorry for your friend's loss Plaid... Best thing you can do is let her know that you'll be around, and you'll wait for her to come to you when she's ready.

[Cookie]

I'm so sorry. I'm keeping your friend in my prayers.

[r2cagle]

That's so terribly sad.

[JustaCashier]

This is so sad.

tollbaby is right, Plaid, let her know you'll be there if she needs someone to talk to. Your friend will need, and I 'm sure appreciate, friends that truly understand she (and everyone else close to the baby) have experienced a true, tragic loss.

Sadly, we seem to often hear of instances of short lived babies, stillbirths, and miscarriages, where someone makes insensitive comments, to the effect that because the child didn't live for at least several months, that the loss isn't so tragic.

Mike

[Lady Legira]

*hugs*

[trailerparkmedic]

I'm keeping your friend in my thoughts.

When a friend's baby was stillborn very late in the pregnancy, the hardest thing for her to face was disassembling the nursery. Thankfully lots of people had offered to help her with anything, and we sent her to her mom's house for an afternoon while we got rid of everything. Seeing everything all set up, waiting for baby was horrible and still haunts me. I can't imagine being a parent it happens to.

[Plaidman]

Thank you all. I'll pass it along to her.

She has three other kids, all at most I belive 6 or 7 years old. She hasn't ever dealt with this before. Any tips or Ideas or suggestions I can give, in case her kids ask?

[tropicsgoddess]

So sorry to hear about your friend's loss.

[Gibbo]

That is awful.

My wife is about to have a baby boy and all I want is for him to be healthy. I just can't imagine what it must be like to have to go through that.

[flybye023]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. A family friend of mine lost her baby about 5 weeks ago to fetal demise (baby was full-term but died before delivery).

As for suggestions, she has really appreciated meals being taken to her. That might be something you can do especially where your friend has kids at home.

[Midnight12]

not to be cold but she is going to have to go through the grieving process. tell her its NOT HER FAULT. i don't know the details and they are not important. its not her fault. give her lots of hugs or loves and just let her know its ok. i would guess she would need someone to help her deal/cope as her other kids may not understand what happened and why is mom sad.
having had alot of grief in my earlier years it was very difficult to deal with and please forgive me. i get logical when dealing with it

[Mishi]

That poor lady. This might seem completely obvious, but never, EVER say "Maybe it's for the best." because even if that's true, it certainly doesn't feel that way. Just let her know that you'll help in anyway that you can.

[r2cagle]

Yeah, and for you Plaid, money may be tight, but a short email or handwritten card that says, 'Thinking of you' , 'Sympathies', etc, will be appreciated. Sometimes just acknowledging her pain helps.

One of the symptoms of grief is a total numbness, you have absolutely no awareness of the anything outside your immediate circle. That's why once a week, sending a card or email that says 'hey, how's it going', may not seem to be much, but it's a huge relief and so important that friends and family not lose connection with that grieving person.

[JustaCashier]

Plaid, you might want to look up some groups for grieving moms/parents, and pass those along to her to check out if she wishes. I've never been a part of any common loss group myself, but it just seems to make sense that people that have shared a same or similar loss, could find comfort and support to each other.

For the kids, maybe look into counseling, or even a group made up of kids that have experienced the loss of a loved one. At that age, and the fact the baby passed before they could bond with it outside of the womb, I don't know how much of a sense of loss they are actually feeling in their own hearts, compared to just being sad because "Mommy's sad".

Either way, it's likely to be painful to them, and same as Lexia said in regards to Mom, they need to know it's not their fault, and need to understand why Mom is hurting, and perhaps help them to support her emotionally in their own little way.

Mike