This seems just plain wrong

[RayvenQ]

So my girlfriends brother (well half brother) is getting married in september, the catch? It'd cost my girlfriend (and the rest of her family) £500 minimum each to even be there, flight, hotel room, not to mention clothing for the wedding, the real catch? Her half brother is a bloody millionare, the rest of her famiyl aren't, they;re really working class, not poor, but still £500 isn't exactly chump change.

Now personally, I think it's plain wrong. Yeah, he's earned all that money alright, but still, if that were me and I invited my family to my wedding, I'd damn well pay for the flight and hotel stay of every family member i invite.

I'm not one to say someone who has earned their moey can spend or not spend ti however they like, but still, family is family.

Does anyone else think the same as i do?

[BookstoreEscapee]

If I were him and I could truly afford to, I would definitely at least help my immediate family make it to my wedding. Other family I might not pay for but I wouldn't expect them to spend a ton of money, either.

[trailerparkmedic]

I live in Texas. Fiance doesn't have much family he cares about (just an aunt who is attending), but I've got a ton of family on the East Coast. When we first started wedding planning I always assumed that I would have two weddings--one in Texas, for local family and friends, and one closer to my family so they don't all have to travel so far. Plus, it would be rather cruel to make people from New England suffer though a Texas summer. We're planning some sort of renewing vows/reception in a couple of years on the East Coast so those who have to travel won't have to go as far. Granted, it's not going to be a huge thing, probably just a tent in my parent's backyard with some catering, but it will be a chance for everyone to get together and have fun.

[Plaidman]

...

I'm torn.


I do belive he is wrong though. I don't know how rich he is though. He might have just sanked twenty million dollars on his wedding alone for his bride, and doesn't have much money to pay for all his family to come.

How big is the family?

... Still bad though. I wish I knew more. gut instinct is that it's wrong.

[Solumina]

I'm going to be really blunt and I hope you don't take offense, I've been getting some of the same criticism from my family and family (although it is more a question of whether or not my mother can pay for their transport and/or hotel room) and I apologize if I vent a little.

Weddings are really freaking expensive. Mine is a pretty simple deal but with a lot a people coming so once everything is added up it is coming in around $20,000 and that is right at the national average (US). Admittedly my mother put down that money not me and my mother, in all honesty, is worth a few million, but dropping $20,000 on one day is still a rather significant amount of money and she has been putting money aside for a few years to be able to afford to give me such a generous gift, it isn't something she can just pull out at a moment's notice.

I also want to point out that picking up things for your guests adds up damn fast. On a small scale just think of a wedding cake. At $4 a slice and 1 slice per guest it doesn't seem like much but for me that adds up to $700. To put things full scale: if I were to pick up a bill of $500 for each person who has a household income of less than $25,000 a year it would be $11,500, the number jumps to $23,500 if we were to pay for everyone who makes less than $35,000. I don't have that and even my mother would have to liquidate some of her assets to cover it. I'm sure that you wouldn't want your girlfriend's brother to have to either liquidate his assets or rack up loads of debt for his wedding, that isn't exactly a great way to start your married life.

Trust me I get that it can be frustrating having to spend a lot of money essentially for someone who has a lot more that you but try and think of it like this: they are paying for your food at the reception, they are paying for your entertainment that evening, they are paying for the lovely decorations, they are paying for your booze, they are paying for the place that all of this will be happening in, they are paying for any staff that will be at this even, more than likely they are paying for breakfast or brunch the morning after the wedding, if you are in the wedding party they are paying for your meal the night before the wedding, they are giving you a gift for coming, they are getting you a deal on your hotel room (provided you go with whatever hotel they blocked rooms with), they may even be paying for your transportation between venue and hotel (and all of that doesn't include the actual wedding). So yeah they aren't paying for you to get there or for your hotel stay but they are still paying for an awful lot for you to enjoy their special day.

[blas]

My personal opinion is that if you want a lavish wedding, that's your choice and up to you or your fiancee or your family to foot the bill for (if you're lucky), and you shouldn't be upset if your friends or wedding party gang doesn't want to pay hundreds of dollars for their clothes or plane tickets.

It is your special day, but you should always be respectful of other people. That's just my opinion, it probably isn't the most popular opinion, but I can't make it to my boyfriend's sister's wedding because it would cost $300 alone for a plane ticket, at least $100 for my share of the hotel room I'd be sharing with bf for just a couple of days, and how much else for a dress for me to wear and for the drinks or food when I'm not at the wedding....and it put things into perspective for me if I ever get married. My friend got married last year, and each bridesmaid dress was almost $200 and it costed $50 to get our hair done....not everyone can afford that.

[r2cagle]

If brother truly 'wants' his family there, then he will be willing to help out his family... assuming his family tells him that they can't afford the travel expenses. If he doesn't care, then he won't help.

[taxguykarl]

I'm with Blas on this one. I paid for my MIL's hotel stay and officiator's air fare (long story there). Mrs. TGK kicked in for a salon day for a lot of the women who were not even in the wedding party. If the groomzilla in the OP wants such a fancy wedding and is not willing to help his family attend then he shouldn't bitch if they stay home and ship in gifts.

FWIW, both families still talk about that one...new gold standard. If this wasn't my first we would have done a Vegas ceremony.

[blas]

Thank you for your support karl. I'd feared I was the only one who thought that way.

I know every woman wants a big special wedding, hell, every man probably wants the same thing....no one should have to skimp or do things Mr. Krabs style just to save money, but it's a whole other ballpark to want a wedding that competes with the latest celebrity wedding, and be shocked and mad that no one can afford to come or no one wants to pay outrageous amounts of money for airfare or the clothes or the food or the hotel stay.

If you want that lavish of a wedding and want your whole family there, if they can't afford it or will end up behind in bills or other priorities if they make themselves afford it, you better be willing to help, or deal with them not being there, or take it down a few notches. You don't need to have an expensive wedding to have a good, memorable time.

[iradney]

We're planning a destination wedding (in the same country, just a different state). TTO and I are paying for the suits and dress (and the hair and makeup) for the attendants, and the accommodation for the night before.

However, for the guests, not so much...We are sending the invites about 5 months before the wedding, as here, if you book the tickets 2 -3 months in advance, they're about 25% cheaper than if you were to book them 2 or 3 weeks in advance. They also have 3 months in which to decide and RSVP.

The reason why we're having a destination wedding? We like the venues in the Western Cape more, and no matter where we held the wedding, the majority of the guests would have to travel anyway, so it was a choice of pay through the nose for a venue here (Gauteng is rather pricey), or have a nicer venue with better food in the Western Cape.

It seems to be a more acceptable thing here in SA that if you go to someone's wedding, you pay for your own travel etc.

[AdminAssistant]

When the SO and I get married (won't be for a couple of years), I've already decided to do a separate celebration up here. I just can't ask my friends, all graduate students, to travel 8 hours to podunk Arkansas. I won't.

[Pony_Boy]

when the gf and I get married we plan on doing a destination wedding at a resort in the Caribbean. not only is it alot simpler and less stressful ( the resort takes care of most of the planning) its also quite a bit cheaper. We plan to pay for our parents and some members of the wedding party. Beyond that anyone who wants to attend is responsible for their own trips

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I never understood destination weddings, especially if it'd make going to said wedding expensive for the people you would want there. Nice location, but isn't that what the Honeymood trip is for?

As for the groom, it's his money. He isn't obligated to help finance the guests, family or not. It'd be a lovely gesture if he did, but he's in no way responsible for their getting there. If the family cannot afford to attend, send the excuses, maybe a token gift or card and no gift at all, and hope for some pictures of the day.

[Solumina]

My personal opinion is that if you want a lavish wedding, that's your choice and up to you or your fiancee or your family to foot the bill for (if you're lucky), and you shouldn't be upset if your friends or wedding party gang doesn't want to pay hundreds of dollars for their clothes or plane tickets.

Who is to say why the wedding is the way that it is? I certainly don't need or even really want a huge wedding (the wedding that I'm having only involved 30 people and costs under $5,000 and this is after I caved to pressure from my family to make it more "special"), the celebration the following day is all for our families, not us. I have no problem with people having to decline their invitation due to finances, I would love for them to be able to come but they have a budget and so do I, in some cases I may be willing to help them (for instance I will be picking up my MOH's dress) but even when you have a big budget you can only help people so much. Plus if I would need to pay the entire cost for them to come be a part of my day I would rather wait until later when they could visit individually (which would save them the cost of a hotel and fancy clothes) or when we could visit them (which would be free for them), so that I could actually spend time with them instead of just a moment with them and a night around them.

[trailerparkmedic]

I just want to add that some of you are far more generous and assume a higher finanical committment than most of the brides/grooms/whoever at weddings I've been to are.

As a bridesmaid, I was expected to pay for my dress, shoes, hair & makeup (she started selling Mary Kay and we all had to buy makeup from her so we would match!). She also scheduled a SUPER early rehersal (like 3 pm) so I had to take a full day off of work. Fiance had to pay for his tux. I was allowed to stay at the bride's apartment the night before but we had to fend for ourselves the night of the wedding. That wouldn't be so bad, except it was during South by Southwest so hotels were nearly double the normal price, and the wedding didn't bother to negotiate with a hotel for a block of rooms at a lower price.
Fiance was invited to a wedding but the invitation was only addressed to him (not him + guest). When he called to ask if he could bring me, he was told no because they couldn't afford another dinner. Fiance was college friends with bride, but she had met both of us several times.
I was invited to a wedding where the couple registered for nothing under $150, despite the majority of the guests being under 25 and laid off within the past 6 months.
I was at a wedding where Grandma decided she was going to sit in my seat. When I approached the groom's family (Grandma's kid), they told me "Well, that's just how Grandma is" and I was stuck sitting in Grandma's seat, at a table full of strangers instead of with people I knew.
Fiance and I were at a wedding where he HATED the main course (it was chicken with some weird sauce). He asked one of the servers if he could maybe get some extra salad or an extra bit of a side dish because he was hungry and was told no. Fiance understood and just ate my slice of cake later. Apparently this pissed off the caterer who told the coordinator who told the groom who came up to my fiance in the middle of the reception and told him he was an ungrateful ass. Really weird because everyone knows that fiance is a pretty picky eater. We weren't even at one of those weddings where you can choose your main course--we were all given the same thing.

So maybe my answer has changed. If someone important to me had a wedding and was being generous in other ways (like breakfast the next morning--wow, very thoughtful), the price for traveling wouldn't bug me so much. There should be some courtesy shown towards guests, but if you actually do nice things for people before/during/after the wedding, that would count. I've just been to enough horrible weddings to not have any faith in the guests being treated well.

Sorry, I didn't mean to thread-jack with terrible wedding stories. I just wanted people to know that (in my experience) plenty of people have little concern for their guests.