So now I feel like a two faced bitch.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

So this person kind of, to make a long story short, took it upon themselves to attempt to bulldoze themselves into our camp when we go on vacation.

Person in charge of maintaining our borders contacts me and goes "this person showed up in my inbox for our camp. Is this person one of yours?"

And I said "No, and if you let them camp with us, I take no responsibility for them. You do so on your own."

This is because this person is a lousy guest who has taken advantage of our hospitality in the past and has sort of semi alienated about half the people in my group. Also, there is what I would call baggage involved that could be a liability to us. So I vetoed the request.

I feel like a catty, snotty broad now and I hate it. Mainly because I don't have a personality problem with this person. I am not representing myself as a buddy, but I am courteous and friendly to this person. I don,t dislike the person. I just don,t want to spend a week camping in close quarters with them, and I sure as hell don,t want to deal with other people that might end up in my space as a result.

The person can certainly go the event, they just wont be our next door neighbor.

I really am not a backstabbing kind of person. I just feel like a jerk.

[blas]

How are you a jerk?

I mean really....I'd get upset as hell if someone I didn't really like decided to invite themselves along with me or my friends somewhere without asking or just presuming it was ok.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, because in all honestly, I do not dislike the person at all. The person would probably be very hurt if it were to come out that I, and several other people in my group, vetoed the request. Hurt feelings are not my intention.

I would just rather not subject myself and my group to various issues all week.

If it were someone I disliked, I wouldn't give a rip. And here is the thing: If we okayed it this time, I can pretty much guarantee that people I actively DO dislike would end up becoming my problem in the future, maybe even in the near future.

Just not worth it to me.

And I will admit that the presumptive attitude is making it a little easier for me to say no. I guess my problem is that this person would not expect a knife in the back from me. And a knife in the back is NOT my normal MO. So I am having a problem with myself over it.

[tollbaby]

That's entirely reasonable, and you shouldn't feel bad for the ounce of prevention you've administered Life's to short to subject one's self to any more unpleasantness than is strictly necessary (i.e. I put up with my brother and his wife so I can spend time with my adorable 9 day old nephew LOL)

[AccountingDrone]

Pennsic or Burning Man?

You have to be hard sometimes, living in a camp is difficult any time, and with someone with an abrasive personality it can be living hell! We had trouble one pennsic with a couple camping with us because of sever personality differences. Never again. It is better to be rude once than suffer for a week or 2 weeks.

[Rapscallion]

There's someone at work I like. As in genuinely like. Can't trust him.

This is mostly because of the department he's in, but I still can't trust him.

If you're two-faced, so am I, and I don't think I am.

Rapscallion

[iradney]

The hell with that person's feelings - they've proven to be a lousy guest in the past, which indicates that they don't care about other peoples' feelings - why should they get something they're not willing to give?

[Jester]

I feel like a catty, snotty broad now and I hate it.

I just feel like a jerk.

You feel like a jerk, a bitch, a catty snotty broad? Why? After all, you made some things really clear:

So this person...took it upon themselves to attempt to bulldoze themselves into our camp when we go on vacation.

this person is a lousy guest who has taken advantage of our hospitality in the past and has sort of semi alienated about half the people in my group. Also, there is what I would call baggage involved that could be a liability to us.

I...don,t want to spend a week camping in close quarters with them, and I sure as hell don,t want to deal with other people that might end up in my space as a result.

From your own accounts, this person has invited themselves, is a lousy guest, alienates people you like, and brings along people you don't like. Even if you like this person, you don't like the results of having this person around. You are looking out for yourself and your own. What is wrong with that?

Stop feeling bad about what you did. Because you would feel worse if you hadn't done it, and this person had ended up showing up near you and causing all the problems you foresee.

[blas]

So you have multiple people now telling you to stop feeling like a catty bitch.

So stop it woman!

You have clarified things for me and I understand that you don't dislike the person but they are a PITA for you, so why should you feel for one momet obligated to entertain them or have them along with you and your pals?

[Crossbow]

Pennsic or Burning Man?

You have to be hard sometimes, living in a camp is difficult any time, and with someone with an abrasive personality it can be living hell! We had trouble one pennsic with a couple camping with us because of sever personality differences. Never again. It is better to be rude once than suffer for a week or 2 weeks.

Same here. Our household has a rule for guests camping with us. If there is even one veto, you don't come back. Period. It means our household leader's sister, whom we really do like, doesn't get to camp with us. It's just less stress that way. We have enough drama with just the household members.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Wow, that transparent, eh?

Yeah. Pennsic. And I am head of my household, too, so any guests we bring in we are responsiblie for. And ultimately, any shit to come down will end up on me.

People think you are at the top when you are the head of something. You ain't. You are at the very bottom. Where all the you know what rolls and collects.

And I, too, have enough drama with my own household and the other household we camp with.

You all are right, of course. I actually had to reason with myself, saying "What, you mean you would feel better about it if you were mean to the person's face and not nice?"

I mean, that is absurd reasoning and I know it.

Still, it was pretty ballsy to go on and pre reg for our camp without express permission, and that is pretty much what pushed me over the edge. It is exactly that sort of presumption that causes me to have misgivings in the first place. That is why we are sort of keeping our distance with this person. Liberties get taken that we are not cool with and we don't want a week of this sort of thing.

[Crossbow]

Still, it was pretty ballsy to go on and pre reg for our camp without express permission, and that is pretty much what pushed me over the edge. It is exactly that sort of presumption that causes me to have misgivings in the first place.

In our book, that would be a definite "No, you're not camping with us."

Just to clarify: is this individual a member of the household, or just a friend/associate that has camped there before? I could see a member assuming that they have the right to pre-reg with their household. I can also see how someone might misunderstand and think that because they camped with you in the past, they can do so again. It's happened to us, and it wasn't very pleasant when they were told otherwise.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Not household, no. There is nobody in my household I would refuse to vouch for. Which is why they are in my household and this person is not.

We actually considered extending that invitation in the past, but after getting familiar, we decided "too much baggage and problems" and put the idea away.

Never camped there. Our camp is very private and we do not normally extend the invitation to people outside our group. It's not personal. We do not have movable borders and space has been an issue in the past.

It is known to be a chushy camp and people want to camp there. We really do have to control our numbers. We will make it work for people who are in our households or special friends we have prior relationships with, but just to try to force your foot in the door is beyond not cool.

Which is why I went from "Not wild about it, what do the rest of you think" to "Oh hell no" when I found out.

[Seshat]

Well then, there's your reason to tell him - or anyone.

"We don't have moveable borders and space has been an issue in the past. To ensure we don't overflow our space, we require anyone who registers with our camp to do so through me."

And then, of course, you just have "Sorry, we're out of space this year." You don't need to say why, or who, or who you're saving space for who hasn't officially registered yet, or anything. Just "Sorry, no room."

As for being a cushy camp, I presume that's because of work you and your household have put in. Which means that anyone else can have a 'cushy camp' themselves - they just have to put in the effort!

I doubt any of your techniques are especially SEKRIT or anything; which just makes it cost + effort. So other people get to choose a cushy camp or a not-cushy camp for themselves: if it's not worth the cost+effort, they don't get a cushy camp. If they do, they do.

As for your camp: your people put in the work, why not enjoy the reward, guilt-free?

[Magpie]

RK, you normally advocate standing up for oneself. You should know better than to feel bad and start thinking that you were bitchy. You did nothing of the sort.