For the last time!!

[Red_Dazes]

A really good friend of mine has a blood disorder, it is better now (she had her spleen removed and it fixed a lot of it), but it used to be that just a slightly rough touch would leave massive bruises on her. Poor girl got asked all the time if her boy was beating her. She eventually got some really awesome come back lines that made people feel horrible for asking... but I can't recall any of them anymore... not in anyway that would do them justice.

[KiaKat]

There's a clotting disorder - Von Willebrand - that runs in my family. It's not severe, but I do bruise easily. When stocking the store, I tend to rest the cases on my upper legs, or hips.

Yeah. I'm glad I don't wear short skirts or midriff-baring shirts.

It's even worse when I've had a particularly strenuous...um...session... I end up wearing long sleeves for a few days.

The worst part is that I don't really notice them, since they usually don't hurt. It takes a lot less to bruise me than it does most people, so the nerves never get pissed off.

[Magpie]

I feel for you! You should have seen me when I was on crutches. I had done something stupid, I wanted none of this sympathy stuff. I know that this bruise is somewhat less so, but I've noticed that a lot of the people offering you sympathy can't seem to tell the difference between a normal bruise and a high-risk bruise. Not fair to pull it on the people who are just being nice, and back off when you say it was a work accident, but if you get another idiot who refuses to listen to you, may I suggest a lovely rant on how, even if you needed help, you wouldn't want to have to rely on someone who can't tell the difference between high-risk bruises and the sort that you can pick up normally at work?

Also, at least all your co-workers are doing is teasing. They could be sympathetic too.

[Evil Queen]

Okay, so come up with an epic story to go with it.

There I was! Schlepping through the wasteland of Law Books when out of nowhere! The Shelving unit attacked! I tried to keep it at bay with my trusty rubber mallet! It stabbed! I ducked! It lunged! I dodged! Then, when there was almost no hope left, I found another fallen mallet and fought back with vigor! Finally, I stood victorious over the now mutilated shelving unit.

These bruises? These are my battle wounds. You should see the other guy!

[Geek King]

Just say two words: Roller Derby

No one will ask twice.

[Pagan]

I don't really bruise easily, but I'm fair-skinned, so they show up nicely. Anymore I see a bruise and can't even figure out where the hell I got it. Some of them, you'd think I remember.

I had one once, though, that not only do I remember how I got it, it was a good thing it was winter or I would have gotten questions.

I told one of the guys I worked with to "bite me"....and he did. It was on my upper arm, but it was obviously a human bite mark. (This is the same guy that threw me over his shoulder one time.)

It's too hot to wear long sleeves, but I'm debating it. And since I bruise easily, this is going to take a while to fade. It's been almost a week and it's still purply browny greeny colored... I was amused at first, but now it's getting kind of tiresome. Silly, I know but sweet jeebus, peoples, leave me be!! though I should be thankful no one's offered to find me a shelter...yet...

Well, a couple of weeks ago, if you had been out with me, nobody would have bothered you. I had a case of shingles on my face! I really wanted a Phantom mask. Nobody said anything, but I noticed a few people sidle away from me.

When I used to shoot by bow, the string snapped back and cut up my arm really bad, Of course, the next day I had a physical, the doc gave me a dirty look.

I took archery in college. Didn't get my elbow turned down one time and smacked myself with the bow string. I had a couple of people ask me if I was shooting heroin....

[lupo pazzesco]

I took archery in college. Didn't get my elbow turned down one time and smacked myself with the bow string. I had a couple of people ask me if I was shooting heroin....

I did archery for a while. Lemme tell ya, it is NOT a sport for a well endowed woman, who's not wearing a proper sports bra. Having to explain this bruise was bad enough. I'm just glad I didn't have a doctor's appointment anytime soon after I managed to catch my boobs with the bowstring. Now THAT was interesting bruising...and it hurt for DAYS (Bra rubbing against stinging, bruising owwieness... >.<)

[Talon]

I did archery for a while. Lemme tell ya, it is NOT a sport for a well endowed woman..

We know you're a plucky girl and all, but don't string us along like that

Sorry, I know being nocked around isn't something to laugh at.

[Jester]

The Worst Girlfriend Ever was one of those that bruised easily, from just working or doing shit around the house.

What I Didn't Know at the time was that she was actually telling people that I WAS physically abusing her. This of a man that has never raised his hand to a woman in his life (not counting my sisters, because we all know that that's different, and usually that was in self-defense most of the time anyway), and never would other than to defend myself from some sort of attack.

I just recently found out about this. When I've mentioned it to friends or coworkers or my nieces or anyone who's known me for more than five minutes, they either laugh their ass off or stare in shock while their jaw hits the floor. THAT is how much of a reputation I have of NOT being abusive, and of being anti-abuser.

And it's shit like this that make me feel not one bit bad about having said to her after I found out a lot of the shit she was pulling (though not this one, which just came to light recently): "After you, I feel like I have to boil my dick."

We know you're a plucky girl and all, but don't string us along like that

Sorry, I know being nocked around isn't something to laugh at.

Are you just trying to get a feather in your cap or something? Make us quiver with laughter? Because those jokes are simply off target. For such bad puns, you should buy us all some shots. Yew should know better than to try that bull with us. I really thought you had more wit to draw on than that.

Yes, I AM King of the Puns.

[McGoddess09]

I just had this happen today!

I had a bruise on my arm from...certain things...and my grandma pointed it out and asked if I was grabbed by a guy and grilled me about being manhandled.

It took every part of me not to laugh.

However, I join the ranks of those who bruise easily. I still have a bruise from three weeks ago that is kind of yellow now.

[lupo pazzesco]

Yeah, this incident happened a couple weeks ago-ish? Still got the bruise, but it's faded to where it doesn't look too terribly bad. Though...now i'm told it looks like a mushroom from the old super Mario Bros games... >.>

<snip of random punnage>

<snip of even more punnage>

Oi vey...just...yeah... Insert random groaning and head shaking here...

[Cazzi]

Are you just trying to get a feather in your cap or something? Make us quiver with laughter? Because those jokes are simply off target. For such bad puns, you should buy us all some shots. Yew should know better than to try that bull with us. I really thought you had more wit to draw on than that.

Yes, I AM King of the Puns.

You're right on target there

/gets coat

[Magpie]

After watching some friends who are into swing & social dance, I'm amazed that the women who do that don't get constantly stopped in the street by concerned people. When the proper way to stop a spin is to grab an upper arm...

[Jester]

After watching some friends who are into swing & social dance, I'm amazed that the women who do that don't get constantly stopped in the street by concerned people. When the proper way to stop a spin is to grab an upper arm...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hope one day to be half as good a swing dancer as my little sister, who is fantastic, and at one point was paid to dance in a swing club. (NOT swinger's club, you pervs!) Admittedly, she has an advantage, being tiny (4'11" and around or under 100 lbs.), so easy to throw around, but still, she is damn good.

I finally told her this week that she was my swing dance hero. I don't think she knew this. She was completely (and pleasantly) surprised.

[jedimaster91]

I've always wanted to take ballroom/swing dancing lessons. Alas, Mr Jedi's not much into dancing.