Aspergers Syndrome

[cewfa]

I've been reading this site for a while and I've noticed that there are quite a few people with AS. As a person with AS, who is having some issues with it, I was hoping to connect with some other AS people.

I don't mind going into my issues, I just didn't want to clutter my first post with them.

[ottid]

Well, cewfa, people aren't going to be able to help if you don't post even just one of your issues (this is said with a bit of sarcasm to try lighten the mood a bit)

Sorry, just trying to be a helping hand, lived with a guy with AS for a while, I just happened to be the person he approached whenever he needed something clarified for him, which was a lot, which left me drained, so it was only for half a year in which we were in the same flat. We had spent the previous year in a hall of residence, which meant it had made it easier for me to find "me" time when I needed it.

But go ahead, no one is going to bite, just a nice supportive environment in here

[Cazzi]

I don't have AS, my daughter does. She's 20 but was only diagnosed 2.5 years ago. Although I'm still learning the ropes as it were, I know my daughters issues so fire away. If I can be of any help I will, but I suspect I will also (or mostly) learning from others

[cewfa]

Oh, I know its a nice supportive environment in here, that's one of the main reasons I posted. I've been reading and lurking for years, with an occasional post.

Most of my issues are social. I never know if I am doing the right thing in any social situation that is more than 2 or 3 people. I feel like I am somehow muddling through these social situations and am driving a few of my friends away as a result. I get attached to people too easily, and I am getting drained because I feel like no one else makes an effort. Logic would say to get new friends, but in social situations because of my condition logic doesn't always happen.

[telecom_goddess]

I'd be curious to see what others say. I haven't been diagnosed but I suspect I have Asperger's. I have always sucked in social situations, get too emotionally attached to people to the point of exhaustion then it's just gone, can't make new friends, get all interested in something then lose interest, have bouts where I don't want to communicate with anyone and become a hermit etc etc etc.

[cewfa]

Telecom Goddess, that sounds just like me, except for the part about making new friends. I can always make new friends, I just can't seem to keep them.

[Magpie]

My social coach (provided through my school's Office for Persons with Disabilities once I was diagnosed) said to remember that most people can't tell exactly what the right thing to say is, even if they don't have Asperger's. I agree, it's difficult though. Most of the work that I ended up doing with her was anxiety-type treatment. We worked on me not freaking out if I made a mistake, because that makes me freak out sooner. I know that Seshat posted a link to some sort of online self-therapy project. I signed up for it, and while a lot of it is familiar to me, I think it's helping me keep things under control. (I'm not sure what the useful link is.)

PM me if you have any specific questions.

[Ratha]

I was diagnosed with AS a few years ago. My issues are difficulties reading facial and body language, difficulties understanding subtle hints (you pretty much have to tell me something bluntly, otherwise I don't get the hint), control issues (I have to be in control, and it has to be done MY way or I'm not doing it), and OCD.

I also have a problem with logic, but it's more me not being able to understand the logic of other people. I get easily frustrated if someone doesn't explain why something is a certain way, or when people don't see something that is so painfully obvious to me.

I've had to learn how to compensate by myself, because the school systems I've been in the last decade and a half never did anything to help. They just shoved me into ESE ("Special Ed") classes and ignored me.

[cewfa]

I was diagnosed with AS a few years ago. My issues are difficulties reading facial and body language, difficulties understanding subtle hints (you pretty much have to tell me something bluntly, otherwise I don't get the hint), control issues (I have to be in control, and it has to be done MY way or I'm not doing it), and OCD.

I also have a problem with logic, but it's more me not being able to understand the logic of other people. I get easily frustrated if someone doesn't explain why something is a certain way, or when people don't see something that is so painfully obvious to me.

I've had to learn how to compensate by myself, because the school systems I've been in the last decade and a half never did anything to help. They just shoved me into ESE ("Special Ed") classes and ignored me.

Yes! I completely understand where you are coming from. Case in point, I was interested in a woman a few months ago and she wasn't interested in me. She said to me that "she couldn't have a relationship with me because we work together." I took that to mean that once we stopped working together that we could have a relationship, not that she completely wasn't interested. It wasn't until a couple of weeks later that a friend of ours had to tell me she wasn't interested.

I won't comment on the Special Ed system here, because most of my comments are meant for fratching.

[KellyHabersham]

I could go into a big long story about this, but to make things short - I've never been officially diagnosed with Aspergers, and it wasn't until my sister had started doing "at-home" therapy for autistic children that anyone finally realized that I was NOT just being weird, anti-social, rude,.....etc. (and I'd fully admit that I do hold some resentment against my mom and other adults for not getting me the help I needed when I was younger, I might be in a better position today if they had)

Some of my issues have gone away over the years, but currently the ones I deal with are - frequently taking things someone said the wrong way, loud noises bother me more than they would most people, I'm directionally challenged/have depth perception issues, I generally dislike being touched, and sometimes I find it easier to relate to animals than to other people.

[Ratha]

Yes! I completely understand where you are coming from. Case in point, I was interested in a woman a few months ago and she wasn't interested in me. She said to me that "she couldn't have a relationship with me because we work together." I took that to mean that once we stopped working together that we could have a relationship, not that she completely wasn't interested. It wasn't until a couple of weeks later that a friend of ours had to tell me she wasn't interested.

I know what you mean. One time I remember clearly is when I was much younger, on Christmas Day. My brother and I had gone down the street to play with a friend (well, play with their cats and kittens), and her mother started hinting that she had to go in to eat and things like that, and I was like "Oh, okay! We can wait until she comes back out." Her mom ended up having to call our mom to come get us because I just wasn't getting the hint, and it wasn't until years later that I realized she was hinting that we should go home.

Some of my issues have gone away over the years, but currently the ones I deal with are - frequently taking things someone said the wrong way, loud noises bother me more than they would most people, I'm directionally challenged/have depth perception issues, I generally dislike being touched, and sometimes I find it easier to relate to animals than to other people.

I forgot about the noise thing. Some days loud or high-pitched noises bother me more than other days, I also don't like to be touched unless I initiate it, I tend to relate better to animals (that's one of my AS obsessions) or children, and I have to touch things. I drive store employees nuts with that last one, because I'm always touching things that interest me. XD

Of course, I have to deal with all that on top of unrelated issues, like bad short term memory, math disabilities, and being a visual learner rather than an auditory learner. I hated school because of that last one, everything was lectures, lectures, lectures, and very little showing.

[KellyHabersham]

Of course, I have to deal with all that on top of unrelated issues, like bad short term memory, math disabilities, and being a visual learner rather than an auditory learner. I hated school because of that last one, everything was lectures, lectures, lectures, and very little showing.

I can relate to the "bad short-term memory" thing.........gets frustrating for me because I don't really know how to tell people that I am NOT purposely forgetting things or ignoring instructions, I just sometimes need several reminders before something sinks in. Had an issue with this at my secretary job......our pastor had mentioned several corrections she wanted me to make in a prayer chain email I was to send out, I completely blanked out half the changes she wanted, and she sent me an email later on pointing out things which I need to be aware of in the future. She was cool about it, but still I dislike the idea of giving the impression that I'm being careless and lazy.

[tollbaby]

Kelly, my parents don't even BELIEVE in Asperger's. They think I'm just intentionally weird. *sigh*

Even if it's just ONE person, I never know if I'm doing the right thing, socially speaking. I have a friend in Kingston that I didn't see for TEN YEARS (we're less than two hours apart) because I wasn't sure if she really liked me all that much... she now has lung cancer and several brain tumors and we've been seeing each other a lot - I visited her in the hospital, and she was SO thrilled I'd come to visit her, now I feel guilty for staying away for a decade because of my own insecurities!

There are actually a few people on this forum that I used to chat with a little bit, and I haven't talked to any of them in ages because I wasn't sure if I was bothering them. Sadly, I'm like that with most of my friends I never know if I'm being a bother or overstepping... And I'm 34 years old. Good thing my daughter's a social butterfly by nature, because I certainly can't teach her how to socialize with others.

oooooh going back and reading some others' responses.... I HATE being touched except by certain people. My kids can touch me if I'm warned first (I've flown off the handle at them more than once for touching me unexpectedly, which makes me a bad mom ) I can handle R touching me, or one of my girlfriends hugging me, but other than that, I have to be the one to initiate. My parents? CAN NOT TOUCH ME EVER EVER EVER!!!!!! It makes me feel physically ill to have even the slightest physical contact with them.

Short-term memory, I learned a while back (I work as an admin assistant) to write down EVERYTHING I'm asked to do, and to check it off as I do it so I don't forget anything... I still forget things occasionally, but I've asked my coworkers to remind me if I haven't told them a task is completed, or come back to them within a day or two.

[Magpie]

The hardest part of my Asperger's is meeting people I know somewhat. If I'm meeting people I'll never see again, I can do it because I'm not anxious, and therefore I don't freak (although I'm losing this advantage lately). If I meet people in an official role I'm great because there's rules to follow - I was a tour guide for prospective students recently. My social coach seemed surprised, and I realised that hey, I WAS being social. With people I know well, I know that they're used to me, and they've been told to just be blunt with me because I honestly can't tell otherwise. It's people who I will see again, and care about, but am not close enough to to give them some of the work of me behaving in a socially accepted manner, who are the most draining. This is probably why I tend to have a few close friends and not see a lot of other people, despite not really testing out as in introvert in other measures.

ETA: the part you probably wanted to hear from this is that it works for me. I don't feel horribly lonely, and I can touch base with people once a year or so and feel very included and loved.

[cewfa]

I have a lot of issues with hearing people and short term memory. I don't remember what I may or may not have said to you five minutes ago or a day ago, but I can remember what my aunt's license plate number was on her car 20 years ago. If there are loud background noises, I don't hear very well, not because my hearing is bad, but because I can't focus on what you are saying. Saying something to me in passing doesn't work either, because I can't take the time to focus on it.