Tweet
Fucking roommate situation. Here comes the Roommate Rant, with a whole cast of characters.....
Mr. Anti-Social, current roommate: Normally when people come to look at the place, he is either asleep (he is nocturnal) or at work. Today when someone came by, he couldn't be bothered to get off his fucking computer to even say hello to the fellow. In his words, "I'm in the middle of something here!" Look, I love the guy, and I've lived with him for longer than anyone but my family.....but listen, asshole, I've been doing all the fucking work to find a roommate, posting ads, talking to people, interviewing them, checking references, cleaning the common area....the least you could fucking do, since you won't even clean your foul, disgusting microwave, is to take a few minutes out to say howdy. It's...not....that....hard!
Miss Officer, departing roommate: Look darlin', I know you work long hours for the justice system, and I know that in every other respect you have been a good roommate. But for FUCK'S SAKE, stop cooking shit and leaving dishes in the sink for WEEKS for me to clean. I don't like grits fresh....I really can't stand them after three weeks! And by the way, sticking them in the dishwasher with shit still stuck to them? Not...fucking....kosher.
Mr. Telephone Man, potential roommate: Dude called me earlier in the week, and we chatted for quite a while. Everything seemed to be great, the potential was high, his company was transferring him here, and he'd be down this weekend, probably Sunday, and he'd come by to look at the place. He asked me to hold the room for him, and I told him that while I could not do that, I would not make any decision until I had talked to the (at the time) three people who had called about the place. So he was assured that he wasn't going to lose out on the place just because he wouldn't be here till this weekend. Got a great and reliable vibe from him. Did not hear a peep from him this weekend. Called him, got his voice mail, left a polite message, still haven't heard from him. Does no one understand the concept of "courtesy?"
Mr. Noreaster, potential roommate: This dude called a few weeks ago, said he'd be moving down to Key West in June, gave me his time frame. We chatted, seemed to go well. He called me again a couple of weeks ago to make sure the room was still available, and I assured him it was. I called him earlier this week to see how his road trip was, and his tone was far less friendly and somewhat frustrated, though whether it was with his trip, his situation, something else, or ME, I have no idea. He said he'd probably be arriving this weekend. Haven't heard from him. I also didn't call him because I don't want to be pushy, and he already sounded annoyed enough. But seriously, where are these people disappearing to?
Mr. Boat Guy, potential roommate: This guy actually came by today, as he said he would. Points for that, my friend. But you lose points for repeatedly whining about the bills when I told you what they were, whining about the location since you don't have a car (not my problem), for being kind of a tool in general, and for boasting about your sexual conquests that, while they may be true (I doubt it), didn't really make you look as cool as you think it made you look. And frankly, there is something about this guy that was just kinda hinky. PLEASE let someone else come look at the place!
Everyone who has ever told me "I refuse to have roommates, I live alone," fine, the point's been made. But with my current situation, I still need a roommate, so for the love of all that is sacred AND profane, will someone who is reliable and not a douchebag PLEASE rent The Third Room?
PLEASE?!?!?!
Mr. Anti-Social, current roommate: Normally when people come to look at the place, he is either asleep (he is nocturnal) or at work. Today when someone came by, he couldn't be bothered to get off his fucking computer to even say hello to the fellow. In his words, "I'm in the middle of something here!" Look, I love the guy, and I've lived with him for longer than anyone but my family.....but listen, asshole, I've been doing all the fucking work to find a roommate, posting ads, talking to people, interviewing them, checking references, cleaning the common area....the least you could fucking do, since you won't even clean your foul, disgusting microwave, is to take a few minutes out to say howdy. It's...not....that....hard!
Miss Officer, departing roommate: Look darlin', I know you work long hours for the justice system, and I know that in every other respect you have been a good roommate. But for FUCK'S SAKE, stop cooking shit and leaving dishes in the sink for WEEKS for me to clean. I don't like grits fresh....I really can't stand them after three weeks! And by the way, sticking them in the dishwasher with shit still stuck to them? Not...fucking....kosher.
Mr. Telephone Man, potential roommate: Dude called me earlier in the week, and we chatted for quite a while. Everything seemed to be great, the potential was high, his company was transferring him here, and he'd be down this weekend, probably Sunday, and he'd come by to look at the place. He asked me to hold the room for him, and I told him that while I could not do that, I would not make any decision until I had talked to the (at the time) three people who had called about the place. So he was assured that he wasn't going to lose out on the place just because he wouldn't be here till this weekend. Got a great and reliable vibe from him. Did not hear a peep from him this weekend. Called him, got his voice mail, left a polite message, still haven't heard from him. Does no one understand the concept of "courtesy?"
Mr. Noreaster, potential roommate: This dude called a few weeks ago, said he'd be moving down to Key West in June, gave me his time frame. We chatted, seemed to go well. He called me again a couple of weeks ago to make sure the room was still available, and I assured him it was. I called him earlier this week to see how his road trip was, and his tone was far less friendly and somewhat frustrated, though whether it was with his trip, his situation, something else, or ME, I have no idea. He said he'd probably be arriving this weekend. Haven't heard from him. I also didn't call him because I don't want to be pushy, and he already sounded annoyed enough. But seriously, where are these people disappearing to?
Mr. Boat Guy, potential roommate: This guy actually came by today, as he said he would. Points for that, my friend. But you lose points for repeatedly whining about the bills when I told you what they were, whining about the location since you don't have a car (not my problem), for being kind of a tool in general, and for boasting about your sexual conquests that, while they may be true (I doubt it), didn't really make you look as cool as you think it made you look. And frankly, there is something about this guy that was just kinda hinky. PLEASE let someone else come look at the place!
Everyone who has ever told me "I refuse to have roommates, I live alone," fine, the point's been made. But with my current situation, I still need a roommate, so for the love of all that is sacred AND profane, will someone who is reliable and not a douchebag PLEASE rent The Third Room?
PLEASE?!?!?!
Comment