I Too May Get Arrested for Murder

[Greenday]

Time to post about my cousin. Things he's done so far in life:

• Did drugs in high school
• Failed random drug test in high school resulting in suspension
• Continued doing drugs, even though he knew he would be retested
• Failed retest, quit high school
• Continued doing drugs
• Became a bum
• Got into trouble breaking into a friend's house to "borrow" a camcorder
• Stole recordable CDs from Shop Rite...the same Shop Rite he used to work at so they knew who he was when he tried to run
• Broke into cars with two other guys, third car was a cop's personal car, received probation
• Got a good paying job doing grunt work at vet and lost it because he kept skipping
• Kept picking fights with his stepdad until his stepdad exploded

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of anything. Other than to finish his probation he just needs to get his GED but he keeps failing math because he refuses to study. And trust me, this math is pathetically easy. Stuff you cover in like the 4th grade.

There's definitely something mentally wrong with him. Bi-polar is just one of his problems. But he just can't seem to make certain connections. At my college graduation dinner, he shoved my youngest cousin (3 years old at the time) because my little cousin was trying to walk behind him in the booth seats. Six people, plus me, all saw him doing it. He was confronted and he denied it ever happened. We told him we ALL saw it and he still tried to deny it. When forced to apologize to my aunt, he pulled that "I'm sorry you THINK you saw me push Cammy" crap a.k.a. he refuses to admit it.

I called my mom tonight on the way back from my friend's room just to say hey. Big mistake. Apparently, my dumbass cousin was over our house for some reason or another while my stepdad had a day off and was doing work around the house. My cousin asked if he could go in the pool and he went upstairs to borrow one of my bathing suits. From what my stepdad said, he took a long time. After he was gone and my mom got back from work, my mom noticed that the majority of her percocets were missing (my mom had broken her arm and the doctor gave her a script for the pain). My mom said he took 16 of the 20. He is the ONLY one who could have and would have taken them. Even though he is the only person who could have, he refused to admit to it. Tonight he showed up at my house, with my grandmother's car (even though he has his own). He asked to go into the pool but since my family was leaving and was pissed and never want him in the house again, they told him no. They get back and the rest of my mom's pain pills are gone. Since the dog wasn't dead, that leaves one option: my cousin broke into the house through my sister's bathroom window which was unlocked and is easy to get in through if unlocked. It's not the first time he's done it. My aunt confronted him again and he admitted he took the pills the first time, but not the second time. He claims he took them because he has some back pain. My questions are, why the hell did he not ask and why the hell did he think it'd be ok to take 16? Did he really think my mom wouldn't notice? We noticed when he stole my vicodin when I had a wisdom tooth pulled and that was a lot fewer pills.

Needless to say, I am furious. Hell, furious doesn't even cover it. That son of a bitch broke into my house and stole my mom's pain meds.He broke into my damn house. He STOLE my grandmother's car just to drive to our house. If he crashed it, there's NO way my grandmother would be able to afford a replacement. I wish my mom would call the police on him and have him thrown in jail. Yes, he needs psychiatric help but he refuses it and the court continually refuses to order him to go. Jail is better than nothing. I feel so bad for my grandmother when my mom tells her about her car being stolen tomorrow morning.

My dumbass cousin's little brother just graduated high school (the first person in that family that has a shot at success) and I was going home for the celebration. Note that I'm missing out on going to parties with my best friends for this. I'm missing out on going to a party with the girl I really like for this. That's how much this is important to me. But now I might not even be able to go. Because if I go, and my dumbass cousin is around, I will most likely go blind with rage and beat the life out of him. He's messed with my family one too many times and I'm done with it. If I see him, I know I will be unable to stop myself from giving him what he has coming to him.

And if this son of a bitch next door to me (I'm stuck in a stupid dorm this summer) doesn't shut the hell up, stop his ridiculously annoying laugh, and stop slamming his chair, he's going to go first before my cousin does.

[Jester]

Sorry for stealing your thread title Jester.

Knock yourself out.

But now I might not even be able to go. Because if I go, and my dumbass cousin is around, I will most likely go blind with rage and beat the life out of him. He's messed with my family one too many times and I'm done with it. If I see him, I know I will be unable to stop myself from giving him what he has coming to him.

I have a suggestion for this, as I have been in vaguely similar situations.

Channel your rage. Let it build to a nice cold bubble. Seethe a bit. But keep it in control for the graduation. Go for Graduate. Congratulate Graduate. Celebrate his success. And if/when Dumbass comes near you/says anything to you, fix him with your iciest death glare, and in a very quiet, very measured tone, say something like this:

"Let me make something perfectly clear, you little piece of shit. I am here for Graduate, and that's it. So I am going to celebrate his success. But considering what you've done, I strongly advise you to shut the fuck up and not say a word to me. And understand that the next time you make the mistake of being in my company, I am going to break things you didn't know could be broken. Stay away from me, and stay the fuck away from my family, fucker."

Then smile the most evil smile you have, and walk the fuck away, not bothering to await a response.

Alternate more civil version:

"Let me make something perfectly clear. I am here for Graduate, and that's it. I'll deal with you another time, but for today, stay out of my way.."

[Exaspera]

The only way your cousin is ever going to get a message is if your family calls him on his actions and follows through with repercussions. He is getting away with not being responsible for his own behavior.

Lock the doors and windows of all houses, don't let him come in or even visit. Hide car keys, etc.

I understand completely. And when the family keeps cutting this guy breaks, they aren't doing anyone any favors.

[Greenday]

He won't leave it alone if I say that. He's obsessive about trying to prove his innocent even when he's been proven guilty. He's is easily obsessed with whatever is on his mind. When my grandfather died and I was driving him back to his home, the ONLY thing he would talk about is me taking him to get a burger at some crappy burger joint. I thought about strangling him when he did that. Would have saved everyone a lot of trouble.

[Jester]

Say it and walk away. If he follows you and persists stop dead in your tracks, get right up in his face, I mean RIGHT up there, an inch from his nose, and say very intensely (but very quietly), "This is NOT the place OR the time for this. Now get the fuck away from me before you end up in the hospital and I end up in jail." And walk away again.

As has been said, the family is not really calling him on his shit. It's time someone draws a line in the sand with this fucktard.

[Greenday]

I think that's been the main problem and I've told my family so. He's always gotten away with everything. My aunt would make excuses for everything he did and it was never his fault. It was always someone else's fault. I think my cousin realized this and he knows he will continue to get away with everything.

[Jester]

There's one thing you're missing in all of this.

The fact remains that this is the Special Day for Graduate. And as much as you want to beat the crap out of Dumbass, and as much as you would be justified for so doing (and I would applaud you), you have to be the bigger man here and show up to help support and laud Graduate, making sure he knows you are there for him, even if Dumbass continues to be his toadlike self.

In short, suck it up.

[tropicsgoddess]

I think that's been the main problem and I've told my family so. He's always gotten away with everything. My aunt would make excuses for everything he did and it was never his fault. It was always someone else's fault. I think my cousin realized this and he knows he will continue to get away with everything.

Seems like your aunt doesn't realize she's an enabler for your cousin. That's one thing that she's got to stop. She will not realize it until she sees it for herself what she's doing and how that's making things worse with your cousin.

[iradney]

Next time he pulls anything remotely illegal, call the police. Lather, rinse, repeat.

[Exaspera]

Seems like your aunt doesn't realize she's an enabler for your cousin. That's one thing that she's got to stop. She will not realize it until she sees it for herself what she's doing and how that's making things worse with your cousin.

She'll never realize that, I bet. A couple of Moms I know just "love their kids too much" to stand up to them.

The guy's on drugs. He doesn't give a damn where he gets them or who he hurts to get them, either.

[trailerparkmedic]

Al-Anon has really helped me cope with my alcoholic, drug addict cousin. I would suggest either Al Anon or Nar Anon for you, and really your whole family. Everyone needs to stop enabling him before anything gets better.

I suggest going to Graduate's party and following Jester's awesome advice on dealing with Addict.

[Greenday]

If he took that many pills, I'm inclined to believe he's more likely selling them than taking them, but I don't know.

I'm still going home for the party. I'm just going to ignore the dumbass.

On another note, this week keeps getting better and better. My stepmom, I mean my dad, wrote my mom a letter. It informed my mom that he doesn't owe her the $2,000 in child support that he's missed. Since he didn't sign the court order when it was raised, it obviously doesn't count (I'm sure the legal system will see it his way ). He also said I didn't have to wait until this summer to do my internship because it's not like I did anything special in college that would have prevented me from taking it earlier (It's not like I had to take my classes first or was taking nearly 18 credits every semester or picked up a minor my senior year. Oh wait...) And to think my dad wants me to go with him and his family to see Green Day in concert. Hahahaha no.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I think that's been the main problem and I've told my family so. He's always gotten away with everything. My aunt would make excuses for everything he did and it was never his fault. It was always someone else's fault. I think my cousin realized this and he knows he will continue to get away with everything.

Well then, she deserves the failure of a son she's raised, cold as that may sound.

I too suspect your cousin is selling your mom's pills instead of taking them.

[Zellie Crescent]

I wish my mom would call the police on him and have him thrown in jail.

You should just do it, don't wait for your mom to.

[Seshat]

The fact remains that this is the Special Day for Graduate.

If he's going to make anything of his life, Graduate needs family support. He's sure not getting it from his big brother, and it sounds like he won't get it from his mother.

Be there for your cousin.

I'm still going home for the party. I'm just going to ignore the dumbass.

Good.


Now, I have some more advice to dispense. (Whee, I'm an advice-faucet.)

Call the police station, make an appointment to speak to the officer in charge of - oh, juvenile crimes if he's still young, or people with suspected mental health problems, or whatever seems most appropriate. Or just go down there and ask to talk to someone random.

Tell them what you've told us. Ask for help to get your cousin in proper treatment. Ask for help getting to community support programs (eg Narc-Anon's family support branch) for your family.

My diagnosis (ha!) is that your cousin is mentally ill, doesn't know or acknowledge it, would benefit from psychiatric treatment, and is self-medicating with whatever drugs he's taking.
IE: he's taking whatever-it-is to make the internal shouting/hallucinations/depression/whatever go away. He'll do a lot better on carefully prescribed meds, of known dosage and quality.

<sigh>

It's a much better world when people like me and Magpie and my love aren't forced into psychiatric institutions - we can function in society, and can maintain our own treatment if we get some minor community support.

But then there are cases like this, and I can't help but think it'd be better for him to be required to be treated, until he gets to a stage where he can maintain it himself.

But then I hear of really poor results from forced-treatment (in some cases, not all cases).

Big moral dilemna. Big Fratching topic. Not really helpful to Greenday.

Back to helpfulness.

You may be able to help the police obtain the evidence they need to get your cousin forced to face consequences. These consequences may include incarceration - but you may also be able to help the police obtain the evidence needed to justify psychiatric assessment. Talk to them, tell them what results you want, listen to the things they'll need to have to get those results, listen to what they want.

In this situation, you want compatible things. (You want your family in a better position overall, preferably with your cousin receiving treatment. They want a threat to the community dealt with, ideally in a way that may result in that threat becoming an asset. Sending him for treatment could do that.)

Help each other.