Questions you NEVER want to be asked in a bar!

[Whiskey]

If he can walk with a beer up his ass, it should be on the house.

[terakhan]

Well.... I can't imagine the police would WANT to come arrest him for stealing it in that manner, what with having to reclaim the stolen item for evidence... you sure as hell wouldn't want it back... if he wants the beer for free so badly he would insert it into his own ass AND drink it later, I say sure, its on the house.

I'm praying that it was a can and not a bottle though. Otherwise that is a whole lot scarier of an idea.

[Jester]

I've never been asked any inappropriate questions in a bar.

I'm a bartender and a drunk. Oh lord, have I heard/been asked some damn inappropriate questions!

"how many guys have you slept with?" is always answered with "all of them"

Yes!

If he can walk with a beer up his ass, it should be on the house.

Agreed. I'd comp it for him at my bar.

I'm praying that it was a can and not a bottle though. Otherwise that is a whole lot scarier of an idea.

Personally I think the bottle would be easier, but regardless, I just hope it wasn't a STEIN of beer!

[Amina516]

Personally I think the bottle would be easier, but regardless, I just hope it wasn't a STEIN of beer!

Agreed....at least a beer bottle end is smaller...You can kinda....work it in.

[Whiskey]

Agreed....at least a beer bottle end is smaller...You can kinda....work it in.

something you want to tell us amina? Maybe I should become a bartender just so I can sass people for money

[Jester]

Maybe I should become a bartender just so I can sass people for money

Pretty much how I make 80% of my living! I certainly don't make tips based on my looks, my tits, my ass (well, maybe some....), or my charming personality!

[AccountingDrone]

Pretty much how I make 80% of my living! I certainly don't make tips based on my looks, my tits, my ass (well, maybe some....), or my charming personality!

I have *GOT* to get down to Key West for a visit sometime soon

[Whiskey]

I have *GOT* to get down to Key West for a visit sometime soon

Ill go to keywest if I can smack Jester on the ass while having him make me a drink.

[Pinkie]

"how many guys have you slept with?" is always answered with "all of them"

Where's that "like" button? Is it bad that I look for that on this site? I spend too much time on Facebook...

"Me too, dude"

<just broke rule #1>

[Jester]

I have *GOT* to get down to Key West for a visit sometime soon

Yes. Yes you do. But this week--I am on a staycation! My best friend Neets, her husband, and their six-year-old girl get here tomorrow. WOO HOO!

Ill go to keywest if I can smack Jester on the ass while having him make me a drink.

I'd like to say that you would be the first to do this. I'd like to say it, but I'd be lying.

[AccountingDrone]

Quoth AccountingDrone
I have *GOT* to get down to Key West for a visit sometime soon

Yes. Yes you do. But this week--I am on a staycation! My best friend Neets, her husband, and their six-year-old girl get here tomorrow. WOO HOO!

Quoth Whiskey
Ill go to keywest if I can smack Jester on the ass while having him make me a drink.

I'd like to say that you would be the first to do this. I'd like to say it, but I'd be lying.

I have a German buddy visiting in Feb, and a Romanian that might be here in May, so probably one of those timeframes is possible. As I would be driving, I can bring my bottle of rum along, it has my name engraved on it

And I can watch Whiskey whack your bum with glee =)

[Whiskey]

^your signature makes me think you have a little button on a boat that shoots marines. like theyre all locked in a cargo bay waiting to be shot out at whoever is getting shot at.

In the not sleazy bar questions you never want to be asked category (because Jesters gay following reminded me of it)

From the same gay bar: "are you really wearing sneakers in a bar?"


It could have ended up in a slapfight but he bought me a couple drinks and we added each other on facebook.

[Jester]

probably one of those timeframes is possible. As I would be driving, I can bring my bottle of rum along, it has my name engraved on it

Whenever works for you. Just let me know.

And what kind of rum is it?


Since Whiskey brought up my "gay following," I should ask another question you don't want to be asked in a bar. This actually happened to me. I'll paraphrase the conversation that I had with this guy in a gay-friendly bar a few years ago:

HIM: "Are you sure you're not gay?"
ME: "Positive."
HIM: I don't believe you. You're still talking to me."

Yes, because I find someone to be an engaging conversationalist, and that person happens to be gay, I am now myself gay. I pointed out the flaw in this guy's thinking, but he would not be swayed...I had to be gay.

But I did get the last laugh, when I made it clear I would not be going home--or anywhere else--with him.

Oh, the joys of living in paradise.

[malmalthekiller]

You know how you can just TELL when somebody is going to bother you? Whether it's in the grocery store, waiting in line somewhere, or at a bar?

Well I was out for a friend's birthday, and I wasn't feeling great (sore throat), and had to work early, so I wasn't drinking. She was getting sloppy with her boyfriend, and I was a little grumpy, and there were creeper guys alllllllll over. One in particular had that "I'm going to start talking to you no matter your body language says" look about him. Mid 30's, stringy tin hair, button up polo shirt, woof/

Guy: Did anyone ever tell you you look like Rose McGowan?
Me: Before or after she fucked up her face?
*stunned silence*
Me: *Turns to friend* I'm going home now.
Her: I don't blame you..

[Jester]

Nice one, Mal.

Reminds me of the time I totally ruined this guy's night. I know I've told this here before, but here we go again:

I was out with Little Red, and she had just finished talking to a guy she liked in the band, and he left to get back on stage....at which point Loser Boy moves in and tries hitting on her. Badly. And desperately. Basically begging her to go out with him. He even said at one point, "I really don't have any social skills, so I figured why not?" He was impressing her in all the wrong ways.

Now through this, Red keeps sending me "Help!" glances, but I figured she was a big girl, she could handle this. And I was blatantly listening in to the conversation between Red and Loser Boy, not even pretending to look away. And he had no idea who I was, and he had not said a word to me. Until.....

He turned to me and said, "Dude, can you help me out with this?" Wait. What? Did you HONESTLY just ask a guy you don't know to help you pick up a chick? And worse, that chick is one of my best friends? Say goodnight Gracie. "Goodnight Gracie."

I just looked him straight in the eye and said, "Not with my baby sister, no."

HIM: "She's your sister?!?!"
ME: "Afraid so. Sorry, pal."
HIM:

Okay, she's not actually my sister, but as far as you're concerned, yes, you just asked a guy for help picking up his sister. Smooth move, genius.

Lesson 1: Don't ever ask for help picking someone up from someone else.
Lesson 2: If you do, make sure it's someone you know, not a complete stranger you have never said a word to prior to that moment. He could be her boyfriend/brother/husband/bodyguard/stalker/friend/trying to pick her up himself/just a guy who doesn't like you.
Lesson 3: Either way, never do it in front of the person you are trying to pick up. You look like even more of a loser than we already thought you were.