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I can't say my father is stupid but....

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  • I can't say my father is stupid but....

    He can be.

    Sooo my da' has been home for maybe three weeks now. He was in Afganistan for the last 6 months. My mum had done a lot to the house to spiff it up for his return, and I think that got him into a mood that he needs to help make everything look nice. Now to explain something about my father. He is a brilliant man. He is a certified genius. Mensa canidate and everything! But common sense is not and never has been a strong suite.

    So about a week ago, he decides he should cut down some of the trees around the house. They're close, and are a potential accident waiting to happen. Does he spend money on a professional...?

    Nope. What he does is tie the trees pulling them slightly to the way he wants them to fall. And these are large hard woods. Out of six trees that he cut down only two go where they want them to.

    The first one split the wrong way, and was lucky not to hit the house. Its stump looked like a throne until a friendly neighbor took care of it for us.

    Second one went the right way.

    Third one almost hit my baby sister. Her on-and-off-again boyfriend pushed her out of the way just in time. (It should be noted said boyfriend was also da's helper in cutting down the trees.)

    Fourth one was fine.

    Fifth one nearly fell on da', nearly crushed my mum's brand new ladder, and took out part of the fence.

    From the way it looks, you'd think the last one would go down perfectly, wouldn't you? You would be wrong....

    It was the closest of the tress. So they took extra procautions. They used TWO ropes! They had troubles cutting it down, it wanted to go into the house, but finally it started falling the right way...... Then a rope snapped.

    This tree took out more fence, the gutter, the top portion of the chimney, and left a nice view of the attic to the world....

    First word out of my da's mouth? "We can fix it!"

    My mum just sat on the couch with her head in her hands. We almost lost the porch, Angel (my sister's dog), the new grill, and mum her-self. I was surprised mum didn't strangle my da'.

    Anybody else have any stories of their family, friends, signifcant others?

  • #2
    Yeah, my Dad took us out in the middle of Lake Murray one evening at by three am we were desperately lost in the dark, in the middle of a severe thunderstorm, with waves crashing over the side. Thank God none of us had kids at the time, and my grandmother was not with us.

    We still refer to that as "The Incident."

    We got back, finally, a couple hours before dawn. The lake patrol was looking for us.

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    • #3
      http://fragg.me/video/tree-cut-house

      Magic happens @ about 40 seconds into it.

      My dad has done innumerable dumb things...of course, hes perfect.

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      • #4
        Where do I start? My father who made rockets with gunpowder as a teen and who only survives these days because the lab he works in has protocols? A few years ago he lost his glasses at a water park and insisted he could drive home if he squinted. I suddenly couldn't let go of the keys.

        Or my ex-boy toy who electrocuted himself to see what it would feel like? It's usually he gets hurt by accident at least once a week.

        Two of the most brilliant men in my life and yet I could strangle them.
        How was I supposed to know someone was slipping you Birth Control in the food I've been making for you lately?

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        • #5
          Do grandfathers count?



          Bloody light pole just jumped right out in front of him.
          Last edited by RestaurantDude; 09-07-2010, 02:30 PM.

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