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So I spent yesterday cannning peaches. Not the whole day - I was only at the church were were going to be doing this for 11 hours, and the other women showed up about half an hour after I did. The catch is this: when another woman had said she'd been interested in canning peaches with me, I wanted to do a bushel together. Instead three of us did three and two thirds bushels. Hint, that's way more per person than I bargained for. Oh, and she did pint jars (they're way more work than the quart jars, because filling takes more than half the time when you're doing smaller jars).
It's the woman who I was originally going to be canning with that's driving me crazy. It started fairly small. She said that she'd order number 2 peaches for us from market. Great, saves us money, and because she has a car it makes getting the peaches a lot easier. But apparently "ok, we should get a bushel" meant "I want to do a whole bushel". Note that even had she gotten a half bushel for me I still would have been doing way more than I wanted to, because the other two women were doing full bushels, and we had an extra half bushel we're doing for one of her friends.
I've known her for years, and it's always little things like this. Sure, it's an honest mistake. But when I go "hey, that's way more than I wanted, I don't have enough jars for that" I would appreciate, at the very least, an apology. "Oh, it looks like we're doing a lot of work" isn't a good response.
I know I sound really silly with what I've posted, but she grates after a while. She tends to skirt the line of what is socially acceptable. But on the far side of it. She likes to operate in the space between what people mind, and what people will actually bother to do something about. And, to make it worse, she's one of those horrible people who refuses to argue. I can't be too hard on that, because my primary conflict resolution style is avoidance. But I will apologize when something goes wrong. Heck, the fact that I admit that there is a conflict puts me ahead of her. So basically, if you do want to call her out on something you're SOL unless you're willing to do what is normally considered rude. (Fortunately the people we know in common are very socially aware, so when Jackdaw calls her out on stuff the worst that happens is people go "oh, I don't care", no one ever thinks he's being a jerk about it, because they can see that she started it. I suspect, though, that in the general public this also helps her get her way, because it makes the people who disagree with her, or get upset with her, less sympathetic to most people.)
I'm whimpering because I had to spend all day with her yesterday (and she did the "what do you think" bit, which is a "bit" because she's one of those people where you'll end up with what she wants somehow being the only option. Made worse by the fact that she won't even just keep arguing with you until you agree, like my SIL does). And she's coming by this evening to deliver the peaches. (I managed to convince her that no, we can't move them before we've cooled, because that's two years' worth of canned peaches that we'll be ruining). I don't want to have to deal with her.
Oh, and this is made worse by the fact that she's in training as a pastor. So a) she, more than most, should know better and b) she would have had enough training in how people work to be able to pull this stuff even more effectively. She just doesn't listen. She decides how things "should" work, and then ignores anything that doesn't support that. And her worldview is odd, to say the least. She seems to act under the assumption that every one has a car (we live in a city) and money (she wants the next social to be a pool hall, or even a restaurant. Seriously, she thinks we all have money to eat out?) She probably thinks that 21 quart jars of peaches is less than a two-year supply (which is disturbing, as she has gestational diabetes, and thinks that she's careful about what she's eating). I'm tired of having to adjust to her world view. I'm tired of having to bring my own food anytime I can't eat meat and we're going to their place. (I understand that making two main dishes is hard, but seriously: there's lots of low meat and vegetarian dishes that everyone in the group can digest.)
</rant>
It's the woman who I was originally going to be canning with that's driving me crazy. It started fairly small. She said that she'd order number 2 peaches for us from market. Great, saves us money, and because she has a car it makes getting the peaches a lot easier. But apparently "ok, we should get a bushel" meant "I want to do a whole bushel". Note that even had she gotten a half bushel for me I still would have been doing way more than I wanted to, because the other two women were doing full bushels, and we had an extra half bushel we're doing for one of her friends.
I've known her for years, and it's always little things like this. Sure, it's an honest mistake. But when I go "hey, that's way more than I wanted, I don't have enough jars for that" I would appreciate, at the very least, an apology. "Oh, it looks like we're doing a lot of work" isn't a good response.
I know I sound really silly with what I've posted, but she grates after a while. She tends to skirt the line of what is socially acceptable. But on the far side of it. She likes to operate in the space between what people mind, and what people will actually bother to do something about. And, to make it worse, she's one of those horrible people who refuses to argue. I can't be too hard on that, because my primary conflict resolution style is avoidance. But I will apologize when something goes wrong. Heck, the fact that I admit that there is a conflict puts me ahead of her. So basically, if you do want to call her out on something you're SOL unless you're willing to do what is normally considered rude. (Fortunately the people we know in common are very socially aware, so when Jackdaw calls her out on stuff the worst that happens is people go "oh, I don't care", no one ever thinks he's being a jerk about it, because they can see that she started it. I suspect, though, that in the general public this also helps her get her way, because it makes the people who disagree with her, or get upset with her, less sympathetic to most people.)
I'm whimpering because I had to spend all day with her yesterday (and she did the "what do you think" bit, which is a "bit" because she's one of those people where you'll end up with what she wants somehow being the only option. Made worse by the fact that she won't even just keep arguing with you until you agree, like my SIL does). And she's coming by this evening to deliver the peaches. (I managed to convince her that no, we can't move them before we've cooled, because that's two years' worth of canned peaches that we'll be ruining). I don't want to have to deal with her.
Oh, and this is made worse by the fact that she's in training as a pastor. So a) she, more than most, should know better and b) she would have had enough training in how people work to be able to pull this stuff even more effectively. She just doesn't listen. She decides how things "should" work, and then ignores anything that doesn't support that. And her worldview is odd, to say the least. She seems to act under the assumption that every one has a car (we live in a city) and money (she wants the next social to be a pool hall, or even a restaurant. Seriously, she thinks we all have money to eat out?) She probably thinks that 21 quart jars of peaches is less than a two-year supply (which is disturbing, as she has gestational diabetes, and thinks that she's careful about what she's eating). I'm tired of having to adjust to her world view. I'm tired of having to bring my own food anytime I can't eat meat and we're going to their place. (I understand that making two main dishes is hard, but seriously: there's lots of low meat and vegetarian dishes that everyone in the group can digest.)
</rant>
And with the food stuff, yeah making two main dishes is hard, but when you invite someone over, you should be taking into account their dietary needs. It's one thing when it's just a preference, but when you literally cannot eat something, the hostess has to take that into consideration and deal with it, instead of acting like you should just buck up and not eat. Or whatever.
Sorry about that.
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