And I thought I was never told anything! (now with baby pic!)

[Dave1982]

I've ranted before about how I'm always the last to know when there's important news in the family. But this really takes the cake, and it didn't happen to me for a change!

I have a first cousin - K - who is a couple years older than me (he's the only member of this generation of my extended family that is older than me). For a number of years now he's been living in the Moscow area teaching English as a second language (apparently they pay pretty good money for this, since not many people are willing to relocate to Russia). For the past few years he's had a local girlfriend.

Now, every year we have a big family gathering on or close to the anniversary of my maternal grandfather's passing. I couldn't make it this year because the date wasn't finalized in time for me to get the night off. The big news that was announced at the dinner was that K's girlfriend is pregnant, and that she's due November 22.

Yeah, only two months from now.

My aunt - K's mother - had only JUST been told herself. So her son didn't bother calling to say she'd be a grandmother until his GF was 7 months pregnant. Supposedly they didn't find out for sure until she was 5 months pregnant.

Now forgive me, but I find that somewhat difficult to believe. By 5 months there should be a plainly visible "bulge" (for lack of a better word), so unless this girl is really um......big....then how did they not notice? For that matter, unless she was on the Pill, then how did she not notice that Aunt Flo hadn't paid her a visit in 5 months? And if she was on the Pill, what happened?

And even if we grant that they somehow really didn't have a clue for 5 months, why didn't he tell his mother for another 2?

If I were my aunt, I'd be PISSED that he didn't tell me.

Oh well......as far as I am concerned that's water under the bridge, though I imagine that he and my aunt have had/will have words over this. In the meantime, I'll have a first cousin (once removed) who is half-Russian. My family is nothing if not ethnically diverse (I'm Irish-Chinese-English myself).

Ultrasound says it'll be a girl, and they've already decided to not to give her a patronym (as is the norm in Russia) since there isn't a Russian equivalent of my cousin's first name.

[AdminAssistant]

From what I've heard about Russian medical care, that wouldn't surprise me at all.

[Amina516]

You have to take in the health care, as mentioned above. Also, this girls knowledge level, her weight, if she got a regular period or not, if she was on birth control etc...and other shit I cant think of after midnight b/c ive been up all day. And then..theres plain old denial...maybe if I ignore it, itll go away type stuff.

Theres a show on discovery health called "I didnt know I was pregnant"....Filled with stories of women who basically show up to the ER with stomach aches and go home with newborns.

At least u werent last to know.

[Dave1982]

I hadn't considered the healthcare aspect, or the denial aspect. Nonetheless, they did know for two months before he bothered to tell my aunt.

[Amina516]

Nonetheless, they did know for two months before he bothered to tell my aunt.

Very true.

Id drag him through coals by his ears if I were his momma.

[Dave1982]

Minor update: her name will be Yevgeniya if it is fact a girl. (feminine of Eugene in Russian).

[Sliceanddice]

yeah the baby could be on a weird part of the uterus making a tiny bump it anything, some women spot through pregnancy, some times the only way you can tell is with an ultrasound and again if the baby attacked in the back and high can take a few months.

so thats not surprising.

but waiting until 2 months before to tell mom and not telling her asap... thats a good way to have every christmas the story of how 'daddy' didn't think nana should know there was going to be a baby.

[Mishi]

I'd be pretty cranky if I was his mum!
As for not knowing until 5 months, I didn't show with either of mine until 6-7 months, and most people thought I was just a little chubby. Also had spotting until 4/5 months in with my second bub so it is plausible that they honestly didn't know.

[BlaqueKatt]

Nonetheless, they did know for two months before he bothered to tell my aunt.

and? since when does what's going on in a woman's uterus need to be public knowledge/shared the exact nanosecond it's known?

I found out when I was 1 week along-my family and his family were told when I was 5 months-because at 4 months I almost lost him(did lose his twin). Had I told everyone right away, and that it was twins(found that out at 3 months-neither family knows about that)-I would've had to deal with getting rid of a large amount of baby stuff, while already in a horrible emotional state. But I guess, from the responses here, I was "selfish" for wanting to be sure that I was going to remain pregnant.

With the health care they have in Russia if she went into labor anytime before 7 months, chances are the baby wouldn't live, and she'd have to go through disposing of baby stuff, after having just lost a baby.

[AdminAssistant]

There are a couple of reasons why they might have waited - BK gave one very good one. For another reason...of course I'll tell my family when/if I'm pregnant. But I also know that as soon as my mother knows, it will be a 24/7 guilt trip/whine fest. When am I going to see her? Are we naming it after a family member? Am I doing okay? *insert a gajillion old wive's tales HERE* And of course, we WILL be going back home to have the baby so that she can be there RIGHT?

I have no idea if your aunt is like that, however that is one possibility.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Over here, we generally don't tell people, if we do choose to tell them, until after the first trimester. Over there, the state of health care being what it is, maybe that's how long they wait. Who knows? They told when they were ready to tell.

I got to ten weeks without having a clue I was pregnant. And one of my coworkers, while she did know she was, didn't really show much at all, even up to the day she was full term. She wasn't overweight, either, she was just a tall, big boned country girl type and carried the baby low enough it was tucked pretty neatly into her pelvis. If you didn't know she was pregnant, you wouldn't know she was pregnant.

I agree you can usually tell, but not always.

[Whiskey]

I got to ten weeks without having a clue I was pregnant. And one of my coworkers, while she did know she was, didn't really show much at all, even up to the day she was full term. She wasn't overweight, either, she was just a tall, big boned country girl type and carried the baby low enough it was tucked pretty neatly into her pelvis. If you didn't know she was pregnant, you wouldn't know she was pregnant.

One of my friends had this happen except she didnt find out until she was like seven months pregnant.

[Dave1982]

No, they don't have to tell them the second they know, but two months?

It's certainly possible they did have a good reason, but if they did I don't know what it is.

[zombiequeen]

Perhaps they were worried or following a family/social custom.
I have an aunt that never told anyone until she gave birth, because she was afraid of losing her baby. Boy was my grandma pissed...but it was cool to see the baby at her own shower, according to my mum.
I know neither my husband or my parents would know until last-second, because of health concerns on my end. It's only impolite if they were trying to be, although it was probably startling.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I had a next-door neighbor (by no means overweight, very athletic) who I didn't know was having a baby until the pink stork sign showed up in their front yard.