The vacation_rentals_suck Creative Writing Thread

[blas]

"Dave, I am very upset. We were scheduled for one of your villas for our honeymoon, and I just got my period. I am very annoyed with you, Dave. Make my menstrual cycle stop so I can bump uglies with my loser husband."

"Ma'ame, I have no control over nature and human bodily functions-"

"Dave, you are not listening to me. You are being extremely unhelpful. I will NOT have my period on my honeymoon! What are you going to do to compensate me, Dave?"

"Unfortunately, I am unable to refund your deposit or refund you for your stay, because you have up to 72 hours before arrival to change your mind, unless of an emergency, which this is not."

"Dave, you unhelpful fucking bastard! This IS an emergency! I want our stay and deposit refunded and I also want a free stay next week!"

[Red_Dazes]

"Dave, you unhelpful fucking bastard! This IS an emergency! I want our stay and deposit refunded and I also want a free stay next week!"

You forgot the crying and "you ruined my honey moon! this is supposed to be a special fucking time for me dave and you just don't give a crap!"

...then of course idiot hubby is going to come on the phone and demand to know what the ass said to make his purdy cousin cry.

...Dave, you bastard!

[blas]

I didn't really feel like going that far, I was making myself ill.

[hinakiba777]

-Insanely Expensive Rentals, this is Dave. How can I hel...

-I'll tell you how you can help me, Dave, you sheep fucking asshole. Make my wife stop
going into labour!

-Sir, I have no control over the human body, I'm not quite sure what you want.

- DAVE, you hateful bastard, I paid GOOD money to rent this property. GOOD MONEY DAVE! My wife was not supposed to give birth until next week, Dave. Dave, Next week! You will make this stop, or I will have your job! YOUR JOB DAVE!!!

-Sir, would you like me to give you the address to the hospital, or maybe call an amublance.

-No, Dave! I don't want an ambulance, DAVE! I want you to make my wife stop giving birth. YOU ARE RUINING MY VACATION DAVE! RUINING IT!

- Sir, once again, I cannot control nature. I am not responsible for your wife going into labour.

-YES YOU ARE, DAVE! The doctor said the baby wouldn't be coming until next week, Dave. Doctors don not lie! Only pissants named Dave, Lie Dave! Now you will Make me wife stop giving birth or I will have your job! Also you will give us free rentals for life, new motorcycles, and pay for the raising and education of my son! WHO I WILL NOT NAME DAVE!!!! As Dave is the name of the bastard who is FUCKING RUINING MY VACATION!

-Sir, I cannot do that. Now if you'd like me to call an ambulance...

-I don't want no GOD DAMNED FUCKING AMBU-FUCKING-LANCE DAVE!!! I want you to MAKE. My. Wife. Stop, Fucking. Giving. Fucking. Birth! DAVE! Dave is that so hard?

-Sir, I will not put up with that kind of language. If you continue to curse I will hang up.

-FUCK FUCK DAVE FUCK D....

*Click*

~4 minutes later~
-Hey Dave, we will be needing that ambulance. And if it doesn't get us to the hospital before my son is born I will have your job! And if it's a girl I will get you DOUBLE FIRED DAVE! I am supposed to have a son, not a daughter DAVE! If it is a little girl I will sue you and the whole rental agency. And I will burn the Rental to the GROUND! THE GROUND DAVE! You are ruining my vactation! I HATE YOU! You will pay for this! FUCKER! *click*

~1 minute later~
-Right, so Dave, just wanted to make sure you called the ambulance.

[Pedersen]

VRS: Thank you for calling Rentals R Us, how can I help you?

SC: Yeah, Dave, I've got a problem here. The fire marshal is trying to tell us the fire is our fault -

VRS: Wait, what fire?

SC: What do you mean what fire? Are you blind? Did you not see the fire trucks going by two hours ago?

VRS: I'm sorry, sir, my shift only started one hour ago. I didn't have the =

SC: So, you are blind. I hope you're getting a seeing eye dog soon, you obviously need it. Anyway, the villa caught fire when my wife tried to light the grill, and now the fire marshal says it's our fault.

VRS: Light the grill? Sir, the grill in that unit was in a locked storage closet, and we didn't give you they key. How did you get the grill?

SC: No shit, Dave, and that's something else I'm very angry about. We had to break down the door to get at the contents of that storage shed. My teenage daughter broke her arm doing it, and is still getting the cast at the hospital.

VRS: Your daughter's at the hospital? Didn't you say your wife was lighting the grill? And the fire marshal is with you at the villa? Did you leave your daughter alone at the hospital?

SC: No, Dave, we didn't. Not that it's any of your business, but we left our 10 year old son to take care of her. He's very responsible for his age. Now, about the fire that you caused -

VRS: Wait, I didn't cause the fire. I was at my own home when it happened.

SC: Don't you even argue with me, Dave. If you had given us the key, then we would have been able to open that door without breaking it down. We also wouldn't have had to use the broken door as kindling for the fire, which caused the sparks that created the fire that burned down the living room and the bedroom above it. Now, how are you going to make this right?

VRS: Make this right? I'm ... I don't even know where to begin.

SC: Fine, how about I suggest some things you can do, Dave? First, you can get the fire marshal off our backs. Tell him how it's your fault, and you're the one that needs to be arrested, not me. We'll start with that.

VRS: I'm sorry sir, but I did not break down the door, nor did I burn the door, nor did I light fire to the villa. I won't take responsibility for that.

SC: Oh really? And I suppose you're not going to take any responsibility for what happened at the beach either, are you?

VRS: Something happened at the beach?

SC: Yes, Dave, something happened at the beach. We got there last night, and some stupid event was being held there. Rock on the Beach, or something. I politely asked them to turn the music down so we could enjoy the sunset, and the assholes went ballistic on me! I backed away, but they still wouldn't turn the music down, so I went and cut the wires to their speakers. My arm is still numb because of that Dave!

VRS: I ... see. And you feel this is my fault because ... ?

SC: Isn't it obvious Dave? Since you didn't tell us that would be happening, we didn't change our vacation schedule. And then, last night, despite all the noise and screaming on the beach, you didn't come out and fix the problem. Of course it's your fault Dave!

VRS: I'm sorry, sir. Rock on the Beach is one of our community's most popular events, and many of our guests specifically make reservations during that time just to participate.

SC: Look, Dave. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not some common guest. I deserve.. no, wait, I demand you treat me with respect!

VRS: I believe that I have been very respectful this entire conversation.

SC: No, Dave, you have not. You won't admit the fire was your fault, and you won't admit that I can't feel my arm because of your inaction. I'll bet you won't even admit that the guy who ran under my bumper last night was your fault!

VRS: Wait, what guy?

SC: What guy, Dave? What guy?!? I'll tell you what guy. I was coming in after going out to the bar (since I got kicked off the beach because you wouldn't shut up that concert), and suddenly there was a guy in the crosswalk in front of me. The nerve, being in front of me! Well, since he was such an idiot, I ran him over. Just to drive home what an idiot he was, I backed up and ran over him again. You weren't there to prevent him getting in my way, so it's all your fault!

VRS: Sir, that was my manager you ran over. He's in the hospital right now, in critical condition, and the police are looking for the person who did that to him.

SC: So, is that your excuse? Since your manager is out for the day, you're just going to provide shitty customer service? Dave, this whole vacation has been a shambles from the get go. If you don't make it up to me, and I mean right now, then we will never rent from your company again!

VRS: Yes sir. I know just how to make it up to you. I'll get some people over there right away to help.

SC: Some people? I want you, Dave. Right here, right now. And i want a written apology from you for everything you did.

VRS: Certainly sir. I'll be right over.

--- CLICK ---

VRS: Hello, police? You're not going to believe me...

[Ree]

I don't know...do we really another thread full of fictitious posts?

Don't VRS's own stories stand on their own without a lot of tongue-in-cheek imitating?

I'm just saying...

[poofy_puff]

Ree, with all respect, I am really enjoying these, but if you tell us to stop, we have to stop.

[hinakiba777]

Ree, with all respect, I am really enjoying these, but if you tell us to stop, we have to stop.

Seconded. If you think we should stop, we will.

[Ree]

Just offering an opinion.

I haven't been online here for about a week, and when I saw this, I just kind of wondered "WHY???"

Like I said, just my opinion, though.

I'm not really into the made up stuff.
I prefer reading the real stuff.

To each his own, though.

[mikoyan29]

Dave: (IN an undisclosed location) Very Expensive Vacation Rentals, this is Dave speaking, how may I help you?
SC: (Calling from an underground bunker) You know where I'm calling from Dave? You stupid sack of sugar?
Dave: Well given that it's after Armageddon, I'm guessing your calling from a bunker and please refrain from swearing.
SC: Well Dave....I'm calling from...Yes! I'm calling from a bunker, do you know why I'm calling from a bunker?
Dave: *sigh* Because...
SC: Because it's the Apocalypse, fathead and you know what?
Dave: No, what?
SC: My vacation is ruined, so in order to fix this you're going to clean up all the fallout...Yes, DAve, clean up the fallout...Do you think you can handle that?
Dave: No....I don't have a rad suit...
SC: What kind of customer service is that? I want this fallout cleaned now....And you know what else?
Dave: What...
SC: My wife is blind...She thought it was sunset and stared too long at the nuclear explosion, Dave
Dave: Well, I've heard you can never stare to long at a nuclear explosion...
SC: ARe you trying to be funny with me? It's the Apocolypse, my wife is blind and I'm in some ugly bunker and you're joking with me. What kind of customer service is this anyway?
Dave: Well...um...
SC: I suppose you started this because you wanted to ruin my vacation from the get go. Dave, you're a useless buck....You know I could have gone to the other company, I bet they didn't start Armageddon, Dave.....So what are you going to do?
Dave: I'm pretty sure that Armageddon affected the other company as well.....
SC: still being cute are you? I want to speak to your manager...
Dave: Let me check if....Aw screw it...You know what, I've had to deal with assholes like you for a long time...Well, it's the Apocolypse and I don't need to deal with this shirt anymore...So muck you...Muck you and the horse you rode in on.....And muck your wife too...You know why she stared into the mushroom cloud?
SC: Um....
Dave: She stared at it because she was sick of looking at your ugly face and you know what else she told me?
SC: Um....
Dave: When she said it was cute...She was lying to you....It was never cute...She needed to hire male prostitutes to get satisfaction.......Good day Sir...
*click*

[purplecat41877]

VRS: Vacation Rentals, Dave speaking.

SC: Dave, I am not pleased with my rental house. I want a soda machine in there and there isn't one.

VRS: Sir, there is a soda machine just outside.

SC: That's not acceptable, Dave. I shouldn't have to leave my vacation house every time I want a soda.

VRS: Sorry, sir, but I don't have the authority to move a soda machine inside a vacation home.

SC: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, DAVE!!!! YOU'RE BEING VERY RUDE TO ME AND RUINING MY VACATION!!!! ALL I WANT IS A SODA MACHINE IN MY RENTAL PLACE!!!!

VRS: Sorry, sir, but you'll have to go outside whenever you want a soda. I don't know what else I can tell you.

SC: YOU'RE THE WORST RENTAL EMPLOYEE I'VE EVER DEALT WITH, DAVE, AND I HOPE YOU GET FIRED FOR YOUR RUDE BEHAVIOR!!!! (slams down phone)

[Jester]

Since Dave's customers think he can control just about everything on the planet, why not submit fictional stories of even greater stupidity (if such a thing is possible) than we've seen?

I deal with drunks, idiots, and drunken idiots on a daily basis, so I don't need to create fiction to come up with stupidity.

Remember, I am the same guy that was asked quite seriously just a few months ago if Mount Gay rum is rum designed for gay people to drink.

Fact truly is stranger and stupider than fiction.

[Racket_Man]

You forgot the crying and "you ruined my honey moon! this is supposed to be a special fucking time for me dave and you just don't give a crap!"

I wonder if this was intentional or not Red ????