Long week

[Mytical]

Well...yesterday was the funeral. If you don't have a clue what I am talking about, it was in Tales of the Gentle Giant..but of course there is more. First the rest of the week.

First work wanted me to work 21 days in a row. Swing shift also. Meant I would be working 1st, 2nd, and 3rd shifts (different days) and sometimes get maybe 8 hrs between shifts. Maybe. Was NOT a happy camper. Ended up solving that, but week was not over by a long shot.

Suffered chronic foot in mouth disease all week, depression, and a LOT of self doubt. Not to mention having my father go into one of his rants on how useless, worthless, and stupid I am, but that is another story.

In class we had a quiz, and I blanked. Flunked it because my mind was on the funeral I couldn't attend (I will repost the story here, don't worry. I am getting to that).

Now the funeral, for those who missed it in Tales of The Gentle Giant.

Had a good lifelong friend die in an accident, was told about it by somebody else. Make a long story short she was like a sister to me, and one time I got in her husbands face about hitting her. Well..I was not welcome at the funeral yesterday because the husband doesn't much like me. Since I refused to dishonor her memory by causing a scene..I didn't go. My contact there will tell me where she is buried, and I will wait and go say my goodbyes there.

It was a hard day today though. Worse I have experienced in a long time. Didn't sleep, couldn't eat.. I can fake happy or 'normal' I've gotten good at it. So most people probably didn't even realize. I am nowhere near ok, and I probably won't be for a bit.

I do want to thank those who have pm and texted me. They helped keep me sane, or at least a bit. You know who you are *hugs to them*

[surreal20]

I want to express my deepest condolences to you. I do not know you, nor know much about you at all. I did, however, read the thread about the Gentle Giant. So I feel I'm acquainted with who you are.

My husband and I are both persons who suffer from different forms of depression, so we both understand where you are coming from. I would like to tell you what I do to help cope with it.

You may have a lot of ways to deal, and that's fine. My hopes is that perhaps with my hopeful advice and kind words, you will find a small bit of joy or a new way to help. here goes.

I pray. I'm not a big religious buff. I went to church as a child, but as an adult I am seriously lacking. But I have found that when I feel most stressed and very sad, I pray.

Now, take religion out of that, and pretty much you're just by yourself, talking outloud. I was told a long time ago, the origin of the word "genious" is an old, very old, belief that all people that had great ideas had a Geni. The Geni was a mystical invisible creature that would tell you this ideas in dreams or whispers and then you would be the creature of these ideas. It is associated that Divinci, Michelangelo and the ppl of that time had their own Geni. Thus the word Genious was born later on.

So my best suggestion for you is to talk to your Geni and go "HEY! You listening Geni?! I'm upset, i'm sad. Come down here and give me a really great idea to help me begin to get better!" And then just rattle off everything you are upset about. You of course and Direct it to God or to any such super natural being you so believe. Either way, just speak your mind, out loud.

Sometimes, writting isn't good enough. You have to HEAR yourself say it, and hear how you say it for it to really make you feel better. It's done wonders to me. And i truly hope somehow, somewhere, this helps.

[Whiskey]

nothing to say, just

[csquared]

Sorry to hear about your friend. Visit the grave when you can spend some quality time, as it sounds like the funeral did not keep very good company.

I can fake happy or 'normal' I've gotten good at it. So most people probably didn't even realize. I am nowhere near ok, and I probably won't be for a bit.

It is called "Being professional." It is what you do when you have to do it. It is not easy and a lot of people fail at it. Sounds to me like your are a better person than you give yourself credit for.

Your friends are here to help. You know how to reach me if you need to talk.

[Mytical]

My ability to fake normal has recently fallen. If I normally text or pm you, and havn't I am sorry. Just been very antisocial lately, and it is only getting worse. It has gone past a long week, may even make it into a long month. I've just about given up any hope for me.

[Wenchie]

Lots and lots of *hugs* and please don't give up hope.

Talk to your professor and see if you can retake the quiz. If you explain, I'm sure the teacher will be willing to work with you on it, especially since you normally do much better on tests/quizzes/etc.

And more

[RootedPhoenix]

*cookies and hugs*