I am the coolest uncle ever.

[Jester]

I know, I know, you already knew that.

But seriously, I am. And not just because I consider a perfectly acceptable breakfast to be cold leftover five-meat-and-jalapeno pizza chased down by a couple of Sam Adams Octoberfest beers, either.

No, because of the birthday gift I gave to my niece, Dragon.

Last Saturday was her 17th birthday, and she and I talked on the phone, catching up, as it had been way too long since we had really talked. (She lives in Texas.) She and I talked about her future plans, including college. There were a few schools she indicated she was very interested in, and I gave her some advice. And then told her that my birthday gift to her would be that, at the appropriate time, I would be paying the application fees for the two universities she seemed most interested in. Because I certainly don't want her not applying at them because of something silly like application fees.

Yes, I know. I really am the coolest uncle ever. Now, if only my two other teenage nieces would come to that realization.......

[draggar]

Offering to pay for the application fees is a really nice gesture - they can add up to any high school student.

As for being a "cool uncle" I do all my nephew's shopping (birthday, Christmas, etc..) on ThinkGeek.com.

[Aethian]

Jester your girls are growing up... I think it's time to niece-nap them for a weekend for them to fully appreciate how awesome you are.

[Amina516]

Wanna be my uncle?

In a non sexually perverted way...

I need a new car....

But yes, you rock.

[Eisa]

Yeah, and I have school loans...

No, but seriously. That is awesome.

[hinakiba777]

Wow that's really awesome. Application fees are a real PITA.

You are an awesome uncle.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

fifty bucks each, iirc, and for three schools, that's 150.
yikes.
Gooood Jester, good uncle! *Have an Uncle-treat-- BEER!*

[Jester]

Jester your girls are growing up... I think it's time to niece-nap them for a weekend for them to fully appreciate how awesome you are.

Dragon appreciates it.
Princess somewhat appreciates it.
Bug is a diva monster and thinks I suck because I call her on her diva bullshit.

1.5? I'll take it.

Wanna be my uncle?

In a non sexually perverted way...

I need a new car....

I am an uncle to my (non-biologically related) nieces in a non-sexually perverted way, thank you very much.

But not one of them is getting a new car, so neither are you.

Nor would you be if I were your "uncle" in a sexually perverted way.

Thank you, drive through.....

fifty bucks each, iirc, and for three schools, that's 150.
yikes.
Gooood Jester, good uncle! *Have an Uncle-treat-- BEER!*

One school is $50, one is $60. So $110. I can swing that.

And I am having a beer as I type this. A Sam Adams Octoberfest, to go along with my cold leftover five meat and jalapeno pizza.

And all of my nieces (except the 5-year-old) know that beer is my Uncle treat. Hell, one time when I was back in Zona and Bug was about ten, she was trying to get me to go to the pool with her, since she was not allowed to go on her own. When I initially said no, she upped the ante by offering to come back to the apartment to fetch me a beer whenever I needed a new one.

Yes, my nieces know me too well.

[Whiskey]

But not one of them is getting a new car, so neither are you.

what about me i just need a new bike

And I am having a beer as I type this. A Sam Adams Octoberfest, to go along with my cold leftover five meat and jalapeno pizza.

im not big on sam adams, but i havent found an october beer that I like that isn't crazily priced.

[Eisa]

Or, or, um...I just uh need a mattress pad? Dorm beds are killer to sleep on. You should warn them about that.

[Jester]

what about me i just need a new bike

Or, or, um...I just uh need a mattress pad?

Okay, ya greedy little shits! Pay attention! This uncle thing is like being a bartender. I only give out free stuff to people I want to give out free stuff to. And that means you can never actually ask for it.

(Considering none of you are my nieces nor sleeping with me, nor even lying about promises to sleep with me, that means all of your requests will be, much like my sex life, denied.)

[Eisa]

I could lie about that part, but that would be wrong...

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Speaking of Princess... how is she doing?

Also, Dragon is the coolest nickname ever.
EVER

[Whiskey]

Okay, ya greedy little shits! Pay attention! This uncle thing is like being a bartender. I only give out free stuff to people I want to give out free stuff to. And that means you can never actually ask for it.

(Considering none of you are my nieces nor sleeping with me, nor even lying about promises to sleep with me, that means all of your requests will be, much like my sex life, denied.)

if i sleep with you i want a better bike than that other one

[Seshat]

How about grab rails and disabilty-access lever taps?