Really, Mom? REALLY?

[Eisa]

I cannot stand my mother, first off. She's an extremely aggravating, frustrating as hell bitch. And that's at the best of times.

Last week, she DEMANDED that I help my aunt move into her new apartment. Not asked. Demanded. Told me "this is what you are doing." May I remind everyone that I'm 22 and about to graduate from college?

Saturday was supposed to be the day to move shit. THAT is the day I set aside, as [as I told my mother] I have a paper due on Monday. So I absolutely needed to devote Sunday [today] to working on my paper. It's not even started yet, as I suck at starting things. But still.

Unfortunately, my aunt ended up in the ER yesterday when her feeding tube popped out. Sucks. I ended up spending the day with my sister and her baby, to get her out of the motel they've been staying in with my aunt, and to let her get some stuff out, particularly about how she was sexually assaulted by her ex last week, the police are doing pretty much shit, and our dear, dear precious aunt is making excuses for him. Yeah, thanks a lot, Auntie Dearest. You're a cunt-rag.

So I told my mom yesterday again that I could not help on Sunday, I have a paper due.

What does she do today, after she gets out of work?

Calls me and is like, "Ok, I need to pick you up..."

Maybe I wasn't the nicest I could have been, but I reminded her that I'd told her several times that I have a paper I need to write. NEED. [I am not letting my schoolwork suffer just so I can help my aunt move. Sorry. I don't even like her, why the fuck would I do that? My prof does NOT accept late work. AT ALL. Unless maybe you were in the hospital dying...she might accept that. If you have proof. Lots and lots of proof.]

So my mother is like, "Well FINE then, it will just be me and the boy helping 'cause [your sister] won't help EITHER. BYE." ...OK, be a douchenozzle, why don't you. I'm sorry that the only person you could coerce into helping you is a 17-year-old boy [and WHY do you know him again?]. My sister has to watch her year-and-a-half-old kid, plus she has back problems. What is she supposed to do? And I am not blowing off MY schoolwork to help when I already TOLD you there was a problem and I couldn't help. So could you not be a passive aggressive bitch for one second, please?

I suppose it might sound like I'm being a drama queen in this, but my mother and I have a looooooong history of her being like this. She is like that pretty much every day. Passive aggressive bitching all the damn time. It's fucking annoying, and no matter what, you can't call her on it because...*CUE MORE P/A BITCHING ABOUT HOW HARD HER LIFE IS BLAH BLAH WHINE WHINE BLAH*

I'm just really, really tired of it, I guess. This is one of the last straws.

Also her telling me--through my dad, no less--that I MUST stay with my aunt over Thanksgiving. No god-damned way. Nope. Not happening.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGH.

[Kanalah]

I'm so sorry.

Good for you for standing up for yourself though. If it's important to you to finish college, then I'd make darn sure you finish.

I'm in sort of the same boat, as I'm harassed into attending family events where the topic of conversation is how terrible of a person I am. It's gotten so bad that hubby and I have taken to lying and telling my family that we're out of town for (insert whatever holiday here). My family pretty much hates each other's guts, so if I do go to visit them I'm stressed out before, during and sometimes days later.

but lots of and cookies.

besides, friends are diety's way of apologizing for your family.

[ditchdj]

Sounds like your mother has an entitlement problem. "I'm your mother, which means I can talk to you, demand of you, and expect of you any way I damn well please".

My mother can be like that too. Seems like some mothers forget that old adage that "Freedom and rights are to be relative, not absolute".

[Amina516]

Your mom....*sigh*...needs a reality check and a clue by 4.

but THANK YOU for standing up for yourself. I know many that, when put in your position, would have caved. Do what YOU have to do for you.

[zombiequeen]

Hey, we must have the same mum! Except my hubby bullies her into being nice to me so I get a chance to heal.

You can come stay with me for Thanksgiving, we're using an entire church. Nobody will notice if there's an extra person there. Bring your sister and the baby too. I'm bringing stuffed animals and a bodyguard.

[BethB]

I would share my mom but she is too awesome and I want her all to myself (and my siblings...I guess). I'm sorry your mom is like that. I've had many friends with parents who were like that and worse but the parents don't seem to think they are in the wrong. Meh. C'est la vie.

[ThirdGenRetail]

Tell your mother to come do your school work FOR you, then Seriously, though, you're trying to GRADUATE. Plus, you told her several times you COULDN'T help. So it's not like she didn't KNOW. You're not in the wrong here, hon, your mother is. What will she do when you're across the country with a career and she wants you to drop everything to come help her with something she can ask somebody else help for?

[Red_Dazes]

You ALL can come stay with my family ANY holiday you want... just give us enough notice to make extra food. *hugs* I really feel lucky I have a nice family...we may not always get along or like each other... but everyone is nice for the holidays.



That goes for all of you CS people too... ^_^ My aunt would love the chance to feed up the lot of you!

[Eisa]

I'm so sorry.

Good for you for standing up for yourself though. If it's important to you to finish college, then I'd make darn sure you finish.

I'm in sort of the same boat, as I'm harassed into attending family events where the topic of conversation is how terrible of a person I am. It's gotten so bad that hubby and I have taken to lying and telling my family that we're out of town for (insert whatever holiday here). My family pretty much hates each other's guts, so if I do go to visit them I'm stressed out before, during and sometimes days later.

but lots of and cookies.

besides, friends are diety's way of apologizing for your family.

Thank you. It's VERY important to me; this is my fifth year and I really want my bachelor's already! I'm taking next year off, but that's to get more research/clinical experience before I go to grad school [I'm a psychology major].

That's seriously awful. Your family sounds almost worse than mine is, if that's possible. *hugs**cookies and milkshakes*

LOL Very true!

Sounds like your mother has an entitlement problem. "I'm your mother, which means I can talk to you, demand of you, and expect of you any way I damn well please".

My mother can be like that too. Seems like some mothers forget that old adage that "Freedom and rights are to be relative, not absolute".

Oh yes. My mother is an entitlement whore to the nth degree when it comes to her family. We're just supposed to hop to it. Nothing we're doing is EVER more important than what she wants, and she will bitch about it and complain endlessly until we give up and do it her way. Even when I was a little kid, that wasn't an acceptable way to behave. It certainly isn't now.

Your mom....*sigh*...needs a reality check and a clue by 4.

but THANK YOU for standing up for yourself. I know many that, when put in your position, would have caved. Do what YOU have to do for you.

Well...um...you're welcome! I've worked pretty damn hard the past couple of years to stand up for myself and pick my battles. This one was important. Even having today to do it, it's almost 10 p.m. and I'm still not done with it. I can't imagine what would have happened if I'd gone and helped. I am NOT pulling an all-nighter ever if I can help it. I've done them before, they suck. This would not be worth it. It also helps that it wasn't something personal I wanted to do just for myself, but actual schoolwork. I'm better at standing up about that.

Hey, we must have the same mum! Except my hubby bullies her into being nice to me so I get a chance to heal.

You can come stay with me for Thanksgiving, we're using an entire church. Nobody will notice if there's an extra person there. Bring your sister and the baby too. I'm bringing stuffed animals and a bodyguard.

Oh dear. Bad mum, bad! I suppose at least you get that? I don't. My bf's on the other side of the country and he'd rather hit her with a brick.

That sounds awesome! I would totally bring...ok, I'd at least bring the baby. LOL I want to bring stuffed animals, too, my teddy bear would love an outing. Why the bodyguard, though, hon? *hugs*

I would share my mom but she is too awesome and I want her all to myself (and my siblings...I guess). I'm sorry your mom is like that. I've had many friends with parents who were like that and worse but the parents don't seem to think they are in the wrong. Meh. C'est la vie.

Awwww man...are you sure you don't wanna share her? Just for a little bit? Yeah, it sucks when your parents steadfastly refuse to believe that they could EVER be wrong, it's always you. Went through that way too many times growing up, I am not going through it anymore.

Tell your mother to come do your school work FOR you, then Seriously, though, you're trying to GRADUATE. Plus, you told her several times you COULDN'T help. So it's not like she didn't KNOW. You're not in the wrong here, hon, your mother is. What will she do when you're across the country with a career and she wants you to drop everything to come help her with something she can ask somebody else help for?

If I didn't think she'd make me fail, I might try that. Yeah... I told her a lot. I also told her that I would help because help was needed, not because she demanded I do so. I will still try to help tomorrow after classes, if it's needed, it's not like I'm an ogre. It's just that school definitely comes first, particularly since I'm trying to graduate! I need to keep my grades up, so I have a nice GPA at the end of it all. And yeah, I didn't spring it on her at the last second...she just has selective memory, apparently. And...actually, yes, she probably will tell me that I should drop everything and come back. Never mind I want to move to MD after graduation and that would be basically 3000 miles away. She would tell me that she needs me to come back, and I'm soooo selfish for not doing so.

You ALL can come stay with my family ANY holiday you want... just give us enough notice to make extra food. *hugs* I really feel lucky I have a nice family...we may not always get along or like each other... but everyone is nice for the holidays.

That goes for all of you CS people too... ^_^ My aunt would love the chance to feed up the lot of you!

Awwww, that sounds really nice! Although don't you have the demon murderer cat? *suspicious look* Are you going to survive until the next holiday? No, it really would be sweet, though. And you technically don't live all THAT far away from me...



Found out that she dropped my sister off at Walmart so she could get milk for the baby, and then left her to walk back. It was only about half a mile, but that's a ways with milk and presumably the baby, too. O.o 'Cause she's still mad that my sister couldn't help since...*wait for it*...she had to watch the baby. Who has apparently learned how to take off his diaper! EEP!

[Mytical]

I would also invite anybody who wanted over to my house for the holidays, but I am not sure I would wish my parents on my worst enemy. Don't get me wrong..they are called 'Ma' and 'Pa' by people not related to them, and are the 'salt of the earth' type people..but they have some ... issues. Yes I pay for 70% of everything, but that is another story :P.

Dad is a paranoid, delusional, manic-depressive. 85% of the time, he is the nicest person you will ever meet. Then he will get some wild hare and things get .. nasty. Loves to throw things, and basically throws a temper tantrum. He is never physically abusive however.

Mom is a chain smoking enabler. She will do anything she can to keep peace in the house..even unreasonable things my dad might demand.

So any sane person would avoid my house like the plague.

[Talon]

It's fucking annoying, and no matter what, you can't call her on it because...

Yes you can call her out on it.

There are times when people talk to you, and times when people talk AT you. One is communication, and the other is weaponized language. Learn to tell the difference, and use their weapon against them. When my mom used to start up with her passive-aggressive tripe on me, I gave her a very firm "I don't want to hear it mom", in a tone that left no room for further "discussion".

Also her telling me--through my dad, no less--that I MUST stay with my aunt over Thanksgiving.

Another choice turn of phrase: "Mom, I don't HAVE to do anything!"

[zombiequeen]

Oh dear. Bad mum, bad! I suppose at least you get that? I don't. My bf's on the other side of the country and he'd rather hit her with a brick.

That sounds awesome! I would totally bring...ok, I'd at least bring the baby. LOL I want to bring stuffed animals, too, my teddy bear would love an outing. Why the bodyguard, though, hon? *hugs*

Well...the bodyguard is my husband, and that's so that my littler cousins don't smother us because they love to hug! I have some reallly huggy relatives.