How do you deal with this?

[Jester]

This being told that you were someone's inspiration.

Mind you, I am not talking about a child or niece or close family friend. I mean someone you don't really know.

I'll explain.

I recently got a message from someone on facebook whose name didn't mean a thing to me. But his message did reference something I had done with some people in the past, so I knew we had met. When I asked him to refresh my memory, it basically came out that we had met and socialized a little bit in the early Nineties, back when I was dating Blondie.

And this is where things got weird.

He went on to tell me that I had been an inspiration to him, as had many of my stories from the college radio station, and that through much of his life, including his battle with cancer, he often thought about me. Also that I had inspired him to do much professionally in his life that ended up quite successful for him. And he was just messaging me to thank me for all of this.

And my initial reaction was "SAY WHAT?!?!?"

I mean, I do want to help people whenever I can, and I have helped many people....but to be told that you are someone's inspiration, that you are partly the reason they did this or that, and that although you only met briefly, they have never forgotten you over 15 years later....how the fuck do you react to THAT?

I was so stunned and truly humbled that it took me about six weeks to respond to his last message. In which I did tell him that I would be back home next month, and if he was still in the area, I would love to get together with him for a drink or some such.

I am still just overwhelmed by all of this. I would have no problem inspiring my nieces, or even some friends...but mere acquaintances? Really?

Comments? Suggestions? Ideas? Feedback?

[Amina516]

I think just to tell him how you are really feeling would be enough. Like being humbled or amazed that you could help him in such a dark time in his life.

We happen in peoples lives for a reason. You may be the reason this guy is still alive. All you can do is just say Wow. I dont think that guy has any other motive than to simply let you know what you unknowingly did for him.

Also, I imagine this is what happens to celebrities on a regular basis. Youre on your way to Stardom, Jester.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

That's the butterfly effect for you, my friend.

I knew this young man about twenty five years ago named Joe. Joe probably saved my life.

I won't explain how or why. We were just friends, and played music together. We were not lovers, or otherwise romantically or sexually involved in any way. So he didn't really understand why the guy who is now my husband thanked him for being there for me one day long after the days when we hung out together. He didn't get it. That was okay. No real explanation was given to him and no response at all was required from him. The husband just needed to thank him.

No response is needed from you, either. Just go have the drink with the guy. If he wants to give you an explanation, he will. Just be thankful you could be there for someone who needed it, even though you didn't know what was happening at the time. Sometimes, all it takes to help someone is for you to just be you .

The universe is funny like that.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Amina and Kinkoid have the right idea. I've gotten some similar, but more ... minor? (less time-intensive, for sure) comments. I've usually given them a weird look back and a stilted, "Uhh... erm... thanks?" and a shrug. I mean, that's deep shit just to throw out there!
Have fun with teh Akward^tm!
This person could very well be a new friend, if you and he hit it off. I just hope he isn't disillusioned. ... nah... I'm guessing with my Mighty Intuition (seriously, it's scary to behold when it actually works) that you and he will do just fine.

[Jester]

I think just to tell him how you are really feeling would be enough. Like being humbled or amazed that you could help him in such a dark time in his life.

Actually did that in my most recent message, the one that I wrote before I started this thread.

You may be the reason this guy is still alive.

It seemed almost like he was saying something to that effect, and that is Heavy. With a capital "holy fuck!" And that is the part that really just messes with my head. Especially since I barely knew the guy, and still can't draw his name or face out of my memory banks. Hell, at first when he messaged me and asked me if participated in the particular social group he referenced, I thought he might have been the drunk depressed dude I took a gun away from at a small party. (THAT's something you don't quickly forget.) But no, it was some other guy, who I still have no clue who he is.

All you can do is just say Wow. I dont think that guy has any other motive than to simply let you know what you unknowingly did for him.

I used up my quota for wows several weeks ago when this all happened. And he doesn't seem to have any motive other than what you suggested. It's just so.....wow. (Whoops!)

Also, I imagine this is what happens to celebrities on a regular basis. Youre on your way to Stardom, Jester.

But you forget, I am already a (semi-) celebrity in certain circles. I am definitely very recognized on my own little tropical island, most for my work as a magician, and have had more than one person tell me how much they enjoyed my magic when they were younger, etc., etc., etc. That's fine. I get that. THIS I don't get. I didn't interact with that guy that much....it seems my stories, on a local chat site and in person, are what inspired him more than my own personal self. Or something like that. But still.....

I knew this young man about twenty five years ago named Joe. Joe probably saved my life.

We were just friends, and played music together.

Key phrases there. You were friends.

This guy and I weren't. We were barely acquaintances. Had a couple interactions in person, a few more on the local chat site. That's. It. Beyond that....Nada.

No response is needed from you, either.

No, I HAD to respond. I couldn't not. I told him how humbled and stunned I was, gave him a brief update on my life in the 15+ years since last we spoke (and a lot has happened in that time, believe me), and proffered the drink invite. Nothing major, just letting him know how much he floored me.

I just hope he isn't disillusioned. ...

Impossible. I've gotten better with age, if not humbler.

[MoonCat]

It's something to be proud of, as well as humbled by. And it's cool. It can be hard sometimes to accept a compliment when you don't think you did anything special.

Sometimes a person makes a big impact on someone who is, at the time, too shy or unsure of themselves to say anything about it. I think it's great that this guy wanted to thank you.

[Gravekeeper]

Allow me to share a story and chime in that I had no damn idea what to do either ( and still don't ).

My mom has always sponsered children in developing countries through those programs where you can specifically sponser one child and actually write to them, etc. When I started high school, she "adopted" a little girl in South America. Now, I've never spoken directly with this girl for obvious reasons ( She's in South America + language barrier ). But I kept up on the letters and her most up to date picture was always on the fridge. So I grew up through high school with her and her latest letter always on the fridge every day.

Now, for some reason or another she became very attached to us ( and visa versa I might ad ) so letters back and forth were more indepth than would be the norm through these programs. She knew as much about us ( and about me as I grew up ) as we did her and her family as she grew up. She's about 7-8 years younger than me and has followed me and my mom's lives for over 10 years now.

When we first "adopted" her through this program, she lived in a hut with a dirt floor and no electricity. Now, she's in college studying to be a computer technician. Why? Because I'm a computer geek and work with them for practically everything I do. She became interested in what I was doing and began to follow me along in my geekdom. Now she's earning her degree. From dirt hovel to computer tech. Inspired by me.

Her brother named his daughter after me in thanks for all I'd done for his sister just by, well, being myself.

So what do you say to that? I have absolutely no idea. None at all. I've never even actually met her. This was over a year ago now and I am still utterly humbled.

[Jester]

I knew GK and I were a lot alike in many ways. Other than the introvert/extrovert thing, ya know. And the non-drinker/professional drunk thing, of course.

GK, I have never had anyone name a child after me, but when my best friend and her husband were pregnant with her youngest daughter, I joked around with them that they should name her after me. Then when they named her, I joked around that they HAD named her after me, since if you pronounce her name in a screwy way, part of IS my name. Sort of. Yeah....no, no, they didn't. I had nothing to do with her name. But it's fun to say.

[Seshat]

My husband has a child named after him. Er. Not 'he has a child', but 'there is, in this world, a child named after him'.

I'm fairly frequently told that I'm an inspiration. Something about being disabled and still going about life being .. well .. me, seems to inspire people. I dunno.

Still, if it helps people, it helps people. What can ya do but keep going?

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Thinking about this, in a (mostly) rational, (mostly) worded manner (as in literally conversing with myself, it makes it more real and more like I'm talking with someone ), I've concluded that this means that being good means something.
As in, Jester, you've done something extraordinary for this Survivor. Something good. And if you qualify a human life and human happiness as Good, then, you've done good-- and it means something, because of what it's produced.
Get it?
yeah there's a bit of tautology in there, but I loves the Tautologies. :3
It's rather nice to have something affirmed for once.

[Jester]

But "Doing Good" implies intent. I did not intend to Do Good. (Or Do Bad, for that matter.) I was just being myself, telling stories, running off at the mouth as always. Probably not even allowing much room for anyone else to jump in, certainly being opinionated and stubborn, probably imbibing some boozage....I was just being me.

And I have nothing against Doing Good, and I do it whenever I can. I believe in good deeds and good karma. This was not anything but me flapping my lips, something that is as inherent to me as bad wiring is to British cars.

[Mytical]

Jester, I think you got it right the first time. Be humbled by it. That is the only response I can think of, or have ever thought of.

You can inspire people just by listening, just by how you act, just by being you. One of the reasons I got the nick name 'gentle giant', was by listening. A lot. Total strangers were compelled to tell me their life stories, and yes a few came back and thanked me for inspiring them. You have done a good thing, by just being you. Continue to be you.

[Jester]

Continue to be you.

I don't have much of a choice. I don't know how to be anyone else.

[Gravekeeper]

I don't have much of a choice. I don't know how to be anyone else.

Other people are boring anyway.

[Jester]

MOST other people are boring, GK. Not all.

Update: Heard back from him. We won't be having that drink, as he is no longer in the Phoenix area, but buried by snow in the Twin Cities, some place I like going, but have no intention of ever going at this time of the year. The Metrodome will back me up on this.