I fail.

[Mytical]

I apologize in advance for being Emo .. again. Today is a really rotten day for me. This time of year reminds me how much I fail at life. A failure as a friend, as a son, as a human being. Lovingly reminded of that yesterday, and can look forward to the same today, but I digress.

I've had so many opportunities to succeed, and squandered them all. My friends that lived near by me have moved on (away), and I am not sure I blame them. To self centered, talk about myself too much (case in point, this thread), and whine way too much. I should be doing so much more to help others.

I should stand up more for those who can't. Help those who need help more. Worry less about my problems and ailments, and focus on those who have it worse. I shouldn't be so weak.

Bleh, ok emo time over.

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs* I feel like this a lot lately.

[Mikkel]

It is much easier to see the bad things about yourself, isn't it?

[Rapscallion]

It is much easier to see the bad things about yourself, isn't it?

Easier to see them as bigger than they are.

Rapscallion

[Barefootgirl]

I've had so many opportunities to succeed, and squandered them all. My friends that lived near by me have moved on (away), and I am not sure I blame them. To self centered, talk about myself too much (case in point, this thread), and whine way too much. I should be doing so much more to help others.

OK, you've had your emo moment. Everyone needs one, once in a while. Now, what are you going to do differently tomorrow, to improve things?

Choose one friend who has moved away, and send them an email asking them all about what they are up to. Ask them how the new job is going, what bands they've seen recently and what their new area is like. Suggest meeting up at some point, for a drink, or a coffee or maybe at a sports event.

What about volunteering? That would give you a chance to make some new friends, perhaps learn a new skill and help others at the same time. if you don't enjoy it, you can always try something else, but at least you tried.

Feeling sorry for yourself for a day or so is fine. Don't let it become your life, though.

[Mikkel]

Easier to see them as bigger than they are.

Rapscallion

Oh yes, most of us do that very well too .

[ArcticChicken]

I should stand up more for those who can't. Help those who need help more. Worry less about my problems and ailments, and focus on those who have it worse.

Oh for fuck's sake! Other people have it worse? So fucking what? That doesn't mean your problems are any less real, any less valid!! Just because someone is homeless, doesn't mean your roof doesn't leak, and it doesn't mean you should invite him to live in your house.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. You are more important than other people. You need to take care of you before you can take care of anyone else. If you give the money you could have used to fix your leaking roof to the homeless guy, you still have a leaky roof, which can will cause mold, and other bad shit and you'll get sick and not be able to work, and if you leave it long enough your house will fall over, and the homeless guy will still be homeless when he's done the money you gave him.

On the other hand, if you fix your leaky roof, you won't have a whole host of health problems, you can work, and in the spare time you have not being bedridden in your leaky-ass house you can volunteer someplace and build a damn homeless shelter and get a whole crapton of people off of the streets. Plus, since you're such a good worker now that you aren't tired all the time 'cause of the breathing problems caused by the mold growing in the walls of your leaky-ass house, your boss gives you a raise, and you can donate all that extra money to the homeless shelter you just built, if it makes you feel better.

So, look I didn't plan that metaphor out when I started it, but I think my point is clear. You gotta help yourself before you can effectively help other people.

Also, happy birthday.

[Squeaksmyalias]

*tackle hugs* We luv you, take care of yourself. Friends moved away but the whole world didn't there are people to make friends with and talk to. Don't let yourself talk you into thinking you are worthy of friends the ones that moved didn't do it because of you and if they did that was really dumb. If you think you are too self centered ( I don't honestly) ask people more questions about themselves or their day. Find something you like to do and join a club, you might roll your eyes and say you can't do it, or don't think you can make the effort but just go. Pick a few clubs that sound interesting and test them out, go to a meeting and see if it's a good fit. If I didn't go to the flying club I wouldn't be as happy as I am, I might have been too afraid to go to a friend's party too and made new friends. I was sooo scared too when I went to the first meeting, but one nice person talked to me and the meeting was really interesting. It's just one meeting a month, but I found something and it makes me happy and I've gotten a little but more confident because of it. Just try them, they might not be a good fit but don't blame yourself or let it get you down, move onto another one and keep trying.
Just set yourself a goal and TRY IT. Don't let yourself talk you out of it, just don't. If you can't do it for yourself, pick someone you love and do it for them.

[figures]

Why do I deserve this?

Because you care enough to ask that question.

The question is the answer.

[Mytical]

Well, the day is (pretty much over) so the storm has passed. A little sleep deprived, but otherwise things are looking up. My birthday tends to bring out the worst in me.

[Seshat]

1. Look after your needs, and a fair portion of your wants, first.

2. Take the time to smile at a cashier, be polite to a salesman, thank a taxi driver or train conductor. IE: treat the 'human automatons' around you as people.

3. Accomplish things. Break large tasks down into small portions that you can achieve within an hour or so. If you're painting the house, for instance, break it down into painting rooms. Break down painting a room into a set of tasks, one of which is laying down all the cover sheets.
So today, you laid down all the cover sheets. You accomplished something. Yay! Good for you.
(No, that's NOT sarcasm. MY tasks have to be broken down into even smaller things. Sometimes an accomplishment for me is putting my own frozen meal in the microwave. My husband gets it out and brings it to me. but I put it in there myself! Yay!)

[Mytical]

Not so good at 1), but 2) I ALWAYS do.

I don't care if I've just been drenched by some jerk of a driver, bleeding, or what .. my parents taught me to be polite. Always say please, thank you, etc. Not much of a talker mind you, and my smiles can seem forced since I don't smile much, but I treat everybody as good (if not better) then I myself wish to be treated.

As for 3) I am horrible at that..need to work on that.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Oddly enough, I've had to tell myself: "Practice being selfish." Much like ArticChicken and Seshat have said (alternate interpretation of Seshat's #1). We aren't a hive. We're individuals.
I'm glad you're feeling better though! I've had mini-freakouts and black spots too-- not for very long, but they scared me enough to go looking for help. Just take it bit by bit, like how Seshat's suggested-- but emotionally and spiritually, as well as in doing your daily stuff. You'll find a balance; or, at the least, it will get better.

[Megg]

Not much to add, but I would like to send birthday wishes!

Happy birthday seems like the wrong thing, so I will just amend what I tell my mom on my birthday each year: thanks for being born!