Grandma says

[Cookie]

My grandmother is hilarious. Sometimes it's intentional:

"Don't let the door hit ya where God split ya!"

And sometimes not:

"I have two big balls! (pause) YARN! OF YARN!"


We have the most recent, and totally innocent gem:

"I grew more weeds. I'm the weed queen!"



So, who has a funny grandparent/parent/aunt/uncle and what are some of their moments?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

My grandpa used to tell a completely nonsensical joke that nonetheless never failed to get us all laughing. Here it is:

What is the difference between a duck?





























































One leg is both the same.

I bet you wish you thought of that yourself.

[Mishi]

My dad starts all of his stories about when his childhood with: "When I was a little girl..."

My eldest daughter is currently telling people that "I'm not being bossy, I'm being an expert!" and my youngest is sneaking around, shushing us and stage-whispering "Uh-oh, spaghetti-oh...It's a surprise panda!"

[MoonCat]

My mom used to sometimes come up with some good ones that we still laugh over. She'd get her terms mixed up a bit...one of our favorites was when she referred to "cowbillies" on some TV show. And then there was the time she complained about "talking herself hoarse in the face."

[Food Lady]

My grandpa used to tell a completely nonsensical joke that nonetheless never failed to get us all laughing. Here it is: What is the difference between a duck? One leg is both the same. I bet you wish you thought of that yourself.

I don't get it.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I don't get it.

You're not supposed to.

[MadMike]

My grandma used to have this habit of saying "pussy", when she meant "cat." She's still alive, but I haven't heard her do that in years. Maybe this is the reason...

I was still living at home at the time, and I had a long-haired cat that tended to shed a lot. He was on my bed a lot, and often left hair all over it. My grandparents came over for a visit, and at one point my grandma came up to my room for something. She looked at my bed, which had cat hair all over it, and blurted out, "You have pussy hair all over your bed!"

And then she gave me a bad look when I started laughing. It could have been worse. I could have told her, "I wish!"

[AdminAssistant]

After my cousin had moved into his first place, Grandma came by to inspect it. (I think she loaned him some money for it and wanted to make sure he got a decent place.) All he had in the fridge was a 6 pack of beer. She saw that and said, "Well, at least you're eatin' good."

Speaking of Grandma, she passed away in 2005. After the visitation, a good portion of the family decided to go out to eat. We were sitting there in Cracker Barrel, telling stories, laughing at old memories, etc. The waiter came out and said, "Wow, what are you guys celebrating?" My oldest (slightly crazy) aunt said, "Oh, our mother just died!" The look on that poor guy's face..... (She was 91, lived a long, happy life, and died before she got terribly sick, plus her husband had passed 35 years earlier, so we really were celebrating her instead of mourning.)

[EricKei]

so we really were celebrating her instead of mourning

Nothing wrong with that! In fact, I would imagine it made her happy.

My grandma's favorite expression seemed to be "Don't curse, dammit!"

[Dytchdoctir]

My grandmother is hilarious. Sometimes it's intentional . . .

My grandmother was sometimes hilarious, but often it was NOT intentional . . .

Once, she blew the punch line on a joke, but the wrong punch line was far funnier than the original, we were falling on the floor laughing!

THE JOKE: What's the difference between a rooster, a dude, and an old maid?

ORIGINAL PUNCH LINE: The rooster says "Cock-a-doodle-doo", the dude says "How-de-doo" and the old maid says "any old dude'll do" (any old dude will do).

THE FUNNIER PUNCH LINE: The rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo", the dude says "How-de-doo" and the old maid says . .

"Any old c**k'll do".

[Eireann]

My grandfather's standard greeting was, "How the hell are you?"

[Shalom]

"Uh-oh, spaghetti-oh...It's a surprise panda!"

I wonder, is that a reference to something I don't know about?

See, one of the webcomics I've been reading has lately had a visit from a surprise panda, who finds out what happens when you surprise someone who happens to be a skunk. I was wondering who this panda guy was; I think he was visiting from some other webcomic.

[Mishi]

I wonder, is that a reference to something I don't know about?

*Shrugs* If it is, then it's something I don't know about as well! The girls come up with the funniest and weirdest things.