"Don't take it personal"

[Bright_Star]

Managers are quick to point out when you're being yelled at by a customer to not to take it personal. ok. Just how do you do that anyway when you have some person just inches away from your face screaming at you & your first reaction is to get on the defensive? You are going to take it personal. There's no way that you couldn't.
Whether or not you let it ruin your entire day is the real concern.

[Food Lady]

"Don't take it personally" is telling me how to feel, and no one gets to tell me how to feel.

[Red_Dazes]

The way I see it is, I can take it personal if I damn well want, but I don't have to let the customer know that. Because if I smile and act polite (when really I just want to strangle someone) they will normally back off...which I like... or they will get even more aggravated and mad because I am not playing their game...which fills me with the oddest sense of joy as I see their face get redder and redder as they realize they are never going to win.


but I am vindictive and mean.

I think mostly management is trying to make sure we know there isn't anything we can do about it (with out being rude) so try not to take it to heart. And then go home and fantasize about them being hit by a bus...... or something like that.

[iradney]

I normally say "If you let them get to you, they win"
I've been yelled at and sworn at and screamed at - you know what i've found? if you respond in kind, it just escalates, and then they can go to your manager and bitch.
If you remain polite and businesslike, what're they gonna do? "WAAAAAAAAAAH iradney was PROFESSIONAL and POLITE! FIRE HER!!"

[Bright_Star]

I normally say "If you let them get to you, they win"
I've been yelled at and sworn at and screamed at - you know what i've found? if you respond in kind, it just escalates, and then they can go to your manager and bitch.
If you remain polite and businesslike, what're they gonna do? "WAAAAAAAAAAH iradney was PROFESSIONAL and POLITE! FIRE HER!!"

So they can get the "Waaaaambulance"?...LOL!

[Seshat]

In almost every case, the customer who's abusing you isn't actually intending to abuse you the person, the individual. They're abusing you-the-store. The representative of the organisation.

It's like the ratty teenagers who drive past and shout something incomprehensible, but (by the tone of their voice, insulting) at me when I'm travelling on my mobility scooter. They don't know me, they are nothing to me, but they seem to feel entitled to yell at me.

<shrug>

I ignore them. The crickets that chirp outside my window are more meaningful to me than they are.

[Jester]

The reason you should not take it personally is because, as has been pointed out, it is not personal.

They are not yelling at Jester. They are yelling at The-Bar's-Employee-Jester. I am a representative of the entity they are upset with, not the entity itself. So when someone is upset by something the establishment did to or for them, whether real or imagined, I don't take it personally because they are not angry with ME.

There are, of course, exceptions to this, such as the Spring Break douchebags who were upset with me yesterday because I had to interrupt their ignoring of me to take their order (though they had no compunction with shouting out orders for drinks while I was trying to help the other patrons at the bar). They were mad at ME, and to a degree rightfully so, as I did not handle the situation as well as I could have, but ya know what? Fuck 'em. I hope they flip their scooters.

I had another couple groups of Spring Breakers in yesterday as well, and those groups were nice, polite, patient, and pleasant. I wish those Spring Breakers well, hope they have a great vacation, and hope they get a good laugh when they see the douchebags flip their scooters.

Back on topic, such situations as above are the exception, not the rule. Most SC's are upset with the organization or its policies, not you as a person. Remember that.

And try not to flip your scooter.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, I sort of have to admit I considered it a badge of honor to have someone scream "Bitch!" at me when I towed their car. Is wrong that I actually felt a rush of perverse pleasure at that?

I think the adrenaline rush was addictive or something.

My coworkers thought it was kind of disturbing that the more the "non-customers" (had they been customers, they would not have been towed) got mad, the more I got off.

I was a little disturbed by that, too.

[Jester]

One of my managers got called an "asshole" a few weeks ago. Why?

He pointed out to a dirty smelly non-customer who had come in and used the bathroom without buying a damn thing that bathrooms are for customers only.

The manager in question found the bum's parting shot hilarious.

[telecom_goddess]

I think Grand Theft Auto was created for situations just like this...you can ram your car into anything you damn well please on there and get your frustrations out

[BlaqueKatt]

The crickets that chirp outside my window are more meaningful to me than they are.

and crickets are AWESOME!

*chirp chirp*

[jedimaster91]

I think Grand Theft Auto was created for situations just like this...you can ram your car into anything you damn well please on there and get your frustrations out

I prefer Battlefront myself. Die, Bucketheads!!!

Of course, to say I suck at video games is being far too kind, so I get even more frustrated, lol.

[Seshat]

We are human and we have feelings just like everyone else. There's no reason you-the-employee shouldn't feel hurt after being called a "fat bitch who doesn't shower" because that's an insult to you-the-person and why SHOULDN'T you take it personally?

For the same reason I shouldn't take it personally when some wilfully ignorant asshole calls me a 'lazy fat bitch' because I use a mobility scooter instead of walking.

If I allow it to be personal, if I allow myself to feel bad about it, it makes my day worse.
If I remind myself that he's an ignorant asshole who doesn't deserve my aggravation, it has no effect on my day. (Well, it still does, but I'm working on that. And I'm getting better at it.)

How I react to him inside my mind has zero effect on HIM, and a major effect on ME. I want to take care of me, so I don't let it affect me.
Now, how I react to him outside my mind can have a major effect on him.

Pretending to be incredibly hurt and 'how can you be so horrible' and making a huge scene that has half the shopping centre staring at him and calling him an asshole... well, would sweet little me do that?

... actually, I haven't yet. My acting skills aren't that good. But I daydream about it, and I HAVE done similar scenes when someone's inattention has harmed me.

[Seshat]

Yes: there's a difference between "he's being an asshole and taking it out on you - try not to let it get to you" and "you're being a whiny cry-baby".

The phrase itself can have either interpretation, or many in between. The speaker really needs to make him/herself clearer.

[Jester]

Why shouldn't it be taken personally when all you did was smile and say "hi how can I help you" and get a barrage of curse words thrown at you?

I understand what Jester and Seshat are getting at, but it still makes you-the-person feel terrible when you-the-employee has to take a hit.

Why? Because, to be blunt, it's part of your job. It's about being professional.

Not that I think anyone should be abused in their job. I don't. But it IS a reality of all of our jobs that shit like that is going to happen. And like it or not, part of our job is not only dealing with it, but dealing with it professionally.

How do we do that? By remembering, my friends, that these people don't know us, don't know diddle about us, and however personal their remarks may seem to be, however personal they WANT their remarks to be, the fact remains that they are still only reacting to a beef they have with the company. You as the company's representative are thus going to take the beating, but you can't take it personally.

Let me put it another way. If you are playing a video game, and some badass comes along and slices your head off, are you going to take it personally? No? Why not? Because it's just a game? Think about it. Someone, whether computer-generated or another gamer, just decapitated the video representation of you. Lopped your head right off. Sounds kind of personal to me.

But it's not, because we don't take it that way. It's just a game. You are just playing a role.

And that is no different than what we do at our jobs: play a role.

Despite my free-wheeling approach at my job, there are things I think that even I can't say to my customers. I have to play the role of bartender. Funny, efficient, and smartass bartender, but bartender nonetheless. After all, my customers come to The Bar for our food and drinks, and other than my friends, if they come to see me, they come to see Jester the Bartender, not Jester the Single Guy, Jester the Bicyclist, or Jester the Reader of Books About Serial Killers. (All aspects of my personal life.) They don't come to The Bar to try to help me get laid or get dates...that is what my friends do (badly, I might add). They come to see the professional aspect of me.

And while there is a personal component in there (there has to be), that is secondary to the professional component. After all, if they like me personally but think I am slow, inefficient, make bad drinks, or serve bad food, they are not going to come see me professionally very much, are they?

So that is why when the assholes come (and they do), I don't take their shit personally. If anything, they know less about me than the people who come to see Jester the Bartender. All they know is that for whatever reason, they are unhappy with The Bar. Maybe it was something I did, maybe it was something a coworker or the establishment did. No matter.

Look, if the lady I spilled an almost full pina colada on the other day didn't take that personally, how can I take what some brainless asshole says to me personally?

In the end, it's all about how you approach your job, and remembering that, no matter how good or bad it is, it is still your JOB. It is what you are paid to do by the establishment. And if don't like your particular job and/or your particular establishment and/or the particular clientele of said establishment, it is time for you to find another job more suited to you.