Going to (maybe) video Mr. Rum & MiL's discussion about something important!!!!

[CaroPhoenix]

Background: 4/25 The Rum Family went to the viewing of Dr. Tommy Palmer. He was the gentleman who married me & Mr. Rum.

We had MiL & FiL watch Child as we went into the funeral home to view Tommy for the last time and give our condolences to his wife [I didn't say much as I was afraid of crying all over Charlene [Mrs. Palmer] and causing her not to be able to continue]. Child didn't need to see Dr. Palmer, as I'm sure she barely remembers him. We left right after we went through the line [over 200+ mourners for Dr. Palmer by the way].

Anyway, SiL#1, her mother, and K1 came down [we missed them by an hour]. K1 wanted to come because she didn't believe her mother when she said that Tommy had died. So, it took them almost an hour and half to get through the line, K1 burst into tears when she saw Tommy, and then her crying got to Charlene so they both cried [got this from MiL's phone call yesterday]. Then MiL, FiL, SiL#1, K1, and SiL's mom went out to dinner.

When I told Mr. Rum that, he said, "Of course they did" [and he sounded really disgusted/mad]. I just threw out: "Well are you going to talk to your mom about her favoritism when we go down on May 14?" [I wasn't serious]. And he said: "Well, if it comes up." And then I was like: Don't do it until Child goes to sleep so I can be in the same room and I can video it. I also warned him not to give in to his mother's tears [she cries when confronted about anything in her treatment of either her sons or granddaughters]. I cannot wait for May 14 now! Am I evil?

[TowelKing]

Absolutely! Evil, devilish, conniving.....and yet I'm sure, after everything that this forum's members put up with, we all are.

A couple years ago, I had to confront my grandmother (mom's mom) about sexist favoritism: specifically treating the males in the family like kings (myself and my uncles), and treating the females like absolute dirt (mom and sister).
I sent her an email which basically said:
Hi grandma.
You're a narcissistic bitch who needs to treat her family with more respect. You've been treating my mom like shit for 40+ years, and my sister the same way for 20 years.
Neither myself or my immediate family want communication with you until you can learn to treat your own daughter with the respect she deserves.

Lotsa love,
*me*

One of the hardest things I ever had to do, but also something that had to be done. It takes a lot to anger me, but if you want to fast-track it, treat my family poorly.
From my experience, if your family is anything like mine, Mr. Rum will need to say what he has to, don't let her get a word in edgewise, and walk away. Give it time to register with the MiL.
I don't know either of you, but either way I wish you the best of luck, and support in what could potentially damage family ties irreparably.

If you need/want to talk more, shoot me a PM and we can exchange numbers, Skype, whathaveyou.

[CaroPhoenix]

Thank you. It's been a long time coming. Like I told 2 other people I know (one being my Mom), I think my MiL just doesn't like my daughter. And I don't think it has to with my daughter's autism (which makes her defective in their eyes).

I'm really at a loss. Told MiL about her enlarged pituitary gland, and first words out of her mouth after that was: "When are you getting her medicated?"

Okay, let's be honest. MiL didn't walk around with daughter as we stood in line for the viewing. Oh no! She had to coop my daughter up in her car (after daughter sat in a car for about 1.5-2 hours to get to the town where the viewing was). She thought my daughter would sit docilely instead of what she did which was scream, pinch my MiL and pull my MiL's hair. Not my daughter's finest moments, but really? What could the woman expect? Besides MiL, welcome to my world.

[42_42_42]

So, basically MiL wants Childrum to be medicated into a docile little zombie. Nice.

Any kid's going to be restless afte a long car ride.

Here's a nice heavy clue-by-four for your MiL.

[CaroPhoenix]

I think my MiL, my FiL, the 2 BiLs and their wives, and my husband are going to need that clue-by-four.

Mr. Rum wants to go down to his parents' house Friday night. I'm hoping he talks to his mother. (We're celebrating her birthday & his 'cos his family is too lazy to have separate birthday celebrations for them individually). I think he thinks it'll be easier to talk to her without everyone else there.

I'm hoping he doesn't chicken out.

[surreal20]

Here's hoping he doesn't chicken out!!!

[taxguykarl]

Here's hoping he doesn't chicken out!!!

AGREED. This is a convo that needs to happen. Here's a how to on dealing with manipulative people. It uncannily predicted my MIL's reaction.