America's Got Talent 2011

[Jester]

I called the top 5, certainly, and I figured that Professor Splash would probably get through, though I thought it would be at the expense of Poplyfe, not Seth Grabel.

And am I the only one that thought Stevie Nicks was just not Stevie Nicks, both on this show and in her appearance on The Voice? I don't mean her appearance (she's actually aged rather well when you realize her age), but her voice. I love Stevie, I do, and I have been a fan for a long time, going so far as camp out for tickets for a Phoenix show, road trip from Phoenix to L.A. for a Fleetwood Mac concert, and even going to an Air Supply concert because she was their "special guest" opening act....but I dare say time has passed the Gypsy by. And it saddens me so much.

[Kheldarson]

I noticed too. She was speaking more than she was singing.

[Jester]

No, that's not what I meant. I mean, she did speak at one point during Edge of Seventeen, but that seemed like a deliberate artistic choice. I was referring to when she was singing, her voice seems to be....well, it's not what it once was. It's still husky, as it always has been, but it seems more....strained.

[Jester]

I'm just gonna give you my comments on all the acts.

Kinetic King: He said it best—he’ll be known for being the biggest loser on America’t Got Talent. I say this not with derision or mockery, but with the utmost respect, because I firmly believe that if that contraption of his had worked, he very well would have had an excellent chance of moving on, as it looked like it could have been damn impressive. But when it flopped….oh, wow, did it ever. Go big or go home. He went big, alright….big disaster. And thus the King has left the building.

Zuma Zuma: Utterly amazing. They are a little rough around the edges at times, but even though may not be thoroughly as polished as some acts, these guys kick ass. I would be shocked, stunned, and dismayed if America did not vote these guys on to the next round.

Avery and the Calico Hearts: Cute. Female chipmunks. More talented than I would have guessed. But I think Piers had it right….they really do belong on Saturday morning tv. They would kill it there. But Vegas? No.

Charles Peachock: Impressive. As impressive as his previous showings? No. Impressive enough to move on? On the basis of that performance, I’d say no.

Sam B: Two words: fucking idiot. For the life of me, I can’t figure out what the hell the judges were thinking putting this guy through so far in the show. I DO understand why the audience gets behind him, because he’s infection. But in the end, we are left with a goofball who dances badly, albeit enthusiastically, and is best known for being, as I said, a fucking idiot. I was impressed, though, that he got professional dancers to (kind of) go along with his ridiculous moves. Since he is, clearly, a fucking idiot.

Taylor Davis: Zzzzz…..looks boring. Sings and plays decently. Not the best song choice. Honestly, I’ve had naps that excited me more.

Melissa Villasenor: I have literally been waiting since her audition for this woman to performa again, because she killed me the first time. And as much as I was rooting for her, and was happy to see it, I was kind of bummed that she didn’t perform in Vegas, AND that she didn’t perform until the fourth live show. I thought she was funny (and brave, doing both Sharon Osbourne and Nick Cannon’s wife/girlfriend/whatever (Mariah Carey, for those who don’t know), and I thought she was good, but I know she could have done better, as Piers himself said. I hope she gets through, but I don’t know if this will be enough to do that.

Scott Alexander: Yeah, yeah, I know….”Jester, you’re a magician—what did you think of that?” Well, I’m a closeup magician. I work mostly with cards and such, just a few inches from people’s faces. Which means, with only a few exceptions, I know about as much as what stage magicians do as you do. Which is to say, not a damn thing. I have no idea how he vanished an entire choir. I have a theory or two, but they are nothing more than that. I am flummoxed. I DO think Scott needs a little polish as a showman—the idea was great, but the execution had some issues, such as when he quite literally interrupted his lead singer for I don’t know what reason. But overall, impressive, and Vegas-worthy. So, really though, how did he do it? Very well, I thought.

Fatally Unique: I wasn’t overly impressed with their initial audition. I thought they were better in Vegas, but nothing really great. I was not expecting much from them tonight. And they let me down by actually being tight, sharp, on point, impressive, well-choreographed, and pretty much unbelievably good. So completely better than they’d been up to this point. They proved me wrong. I hate being wrong. Damn them.

Yellow Designs Stunt Team: As a bicyclist, I love guys who can do tricks on bikes, because I, honestly, cannot. Hell, my favorite part of every X-games is the idiots on bikes doing stupid tricks that not only defy the imagination, they defy the laws of physics—not to mention common sense. That being said, I figured, hey, it’s a bike trick act. And they were good, but nothing I hadn’t seen. Vegas? Hell no. And then….

And then the broke out the freakin’ Mad Hatter Tea Party Vegas Bike Party Insane Asylum Musical Revue Bonanza. What the flying hell? What drug-addled brain thought this up? Whoever did, they straddle that thin line between insanity and genius. It’s tough enough to do what they do, even with the added music and lights and costumes, but to have dancers on the course? Really? Talk about your “Wow!” factor! This was, as the judges said, proof that a bike stunt act could be in Vegas. These guys weren’t good, they were great. And they did give me something I hadn’t seen.

Frank Miles: Clearly this man is mentally disturbed. If you doubt me, watch the things he’s done on AGT. Yeah. Nutso. Completely whacked. Disturbed in ways that should have him committed. In other words, the kind of shit that Americans really, really want to watch. Yeah, I know, Piers said it didn’t work because he missed the donut. Amusingly, the aim was right on, but Frank was leaning to his right slightly when he shot, putting the donut away from where it should have been. Had he been standing straight, that donut was an ex-donut. But Piers missed the point. He missed the donut, but he also missed his fucking head. Which is the whole point of the trick…can he trigger this chain reaction and have a crossbow bolt hurtling towards his head and NOT kill him? The answer is, amazingly, yes. Between the three things I’ve seen him do, I would say this guy is worth a Vegas show. Or at least of moving on one more round.

Team iLuminate: Holy fucking shitballs! Seriously, one of the most visually stunning things I have ever seen in my life! Brilliant choreography, great choice of music, fantastic dancing, overall, top to bottom, ready to be in Vegas YESTERDAY. The fact that they aren’t already a Vegas act is stunning to me. To me it is clear that this act is the favorite to win it all..

My favorites: Melissa Villasenor, Zuma Zuma, Yellow Designs Stunt Team, and
Team iLuminate. (Honorable Mention to the whack job…er, uh, Frank Miles.)

My picks to probably move on: Team iLuminate, Yellow Designs Stunt Team, Zuma Zuma, and Fatally Unique.

[Kheldarson]

Forgot to watch it last night. So am watching it now and will look at results later.

Bonus: My house is clean now!

[BookstoreEscapee]

Lys Agnes: Howie said it best--she makes opera sexy. I have no interest in opera, I have never been to opera, the idea of opera bores me. And I won't lie...my initial attraction to this young lady is because I (along with, I'm sure, most heterosexual men who aren't blind) could look at Lys all day, with or without volume. But when she opens her mouth, and that voice pours out....well, I want to see more, and I mean that in the best (i.e. least perverted) possible way.

I've been to the opera once, in college (The Marriage of Figaro at the Met). I was never into opera but my roommate at the time was a voice major (soprano), and she and some other friends were theater geeks, and the opera was that semester's theater department trip so I went along cuz hey, trip to NYC, dinner at Tavern on the Green, a show, and the Met. Museum of Art for 65 bucks! It's a lot better when you're actually there.

I was surprised by Lys Agnes, because in the little bio segment before her first audition she mentioned being into Jazz and R&B so I was expecting her to sing in one of those genres. Then she came out and blew everyone away with the opera voice.

I called the top 5, certainly, and I figured that Professor Splash would probably get through, though I thought it would be at the expense of Poplyfe, not Seth Grabel.

I don't like Professor Splash. I can't see him as an actual Vegas show, at least. How many times can you do that? I thought the magician should have gone through.

Melissa Villasenor I thought was better in her first audition. Her normal voice sounds like Julia Sweeney, though (who I love). I was rooting for the juggler.

[Jester]

I am STOKED that Melissa Villasenor got through. She is utterly hilarious and, if I'm not mistaken, the only comedian in the semi-finals. Clearly some of her stuff is better than other stuff, but overall, she is awesome. Kind of reminds me of Judy Tenuta....but on pep pills!

The shock of the night to me was that the bike guys did not move on. I thought their act was utterly brilliant, and far beyond anything you would expect from a bike trick show.

[Kheldarson]

I giggled through the bike act. That was great. But then again, I <3 Alice in Wonderland.

[Jetfire]

The Bike act should be a shoe in for the Wild card acts coming up. Hopefully they can come up with a similarly insanity act to get through then.

And as I mentioned on the TWOP boards, iLuminate were just a huge WOW. Some people drew comparisons between them and Fighting Gravity (and I'm glad they did NOT put FG and iLuminate's acts back to back), but they've got the extra Wow to really push through. They've got a great show now, very creative. They could go pro now with ease IMO.

IMO, this season it's iLuminate's game to lose, but by just making it to the finals 24, they're pretty much in the Final Show. I agree with the TWOPer who suggested that a fantastic touring show lineup would use iLuminate, the Silhouettes and Zoomba Zoomba as the tentpeg acts in some order.

[Jester]

You Tube Edition!

The great thing about having a DVR is that I can watch each act as they perform, and then pause it while I comment on them. (And for the record, I’m making my comments before I hear what the judges say.) So…..here….we….GO!

TNC Elite: Okay, where do I start? They were precise, they were tight, they were probably the best cloggers I’ve ever seen. They far exceeded my expectations of what clogging could be. But in the end, it’s still freakin’ clogging. And no matter how much you dress up a pig, it’s still a pig. Oink oink. Please tell me there’s better than this on tap for tonight.

Brett Daniels: Okay, an illusionist. Definitely up my alley. As a magician myself, I think this oughta be interesting…[watches the act]…It was…interesting. I can’t blame Piers for buzzing him, as at that point, the act was getting very slow. And the very first part with the picture did not impress me one bit. But when “Marilyn” appeared out of nowhere, I simply went “Whoa!”…and rewinded the DVR. Still can’t figure out how he did that one. Her later disappearance wasn’t as impressive, as it was very predictable (albeit well-executed), and again, the second part with the picture just didn’t impress me. Overall, it had one moment of “Holy crap!” and a whole lot of “Okay….and?”

As a side note, as a closeup magician myself who deals mostly with cards, and has seen some of the best there are that do just that, the card production at the end when they’re flashing the number to call was very, very weak. It was clumsy and amateurish. I know teenage magician that could have done that move far better with their off hand, and made you go “What the!” Sorry, Brett, I don’t know if you could have, but you should have done better, on that move and on the act.

Gabe Rocks: Cute dog. Made me smile. Buzzed Piers. Faked peeing on Piers. How do you not love that? That being said, this is not only not a million dollar act, it’s not even a thousand dollar act. Dogs on skateboards are nothing new. Honestly, I’ve seen squirrels on water skis! (If you haven’t, you don’t watch ESPN enough, clearly.) So, cute…but no, no, and no. NEXT!

Aeon: I had high hopes for these guys. And they started out great. But somewhere, it got a bit stale quickly. Nice moves, impressive acrobatics, but it’s something you’d watch for a few minutes and then move on. A headline Vegas act? I don’t think so. Sadly, this is the best act I’ve seen so far tonight.

Breena Bell: Seriously? Is this the best You Tube has to offer us? I mean, yeah, she’s cute, she’s adorable, and she can do things that most kids, or even adults, can’t do. But she’s not on the level of any of the acts we’ve seen, she’s still learning her blocking, she’s a bit clumsy at times, and while she probably has a promising career as a gymnast, she is not worthy of a million dollar headlining act in Vegas. Enough with all these kids that are cute but aren’t as talented as the adults, damn it! There is ONE child in this competition that can compete with the grownups, and that’s the ridiculously talented musician/singer from Alaska. (Anna Wakeman?) Other than her, enough with these damn kids! Cute and adorable does NOT make an act!

Kevin Colis: Finally a glimmer of hope! While he didn’t blow me away, this guy is actually talented, and delivered on the promise the judges saw in his You Tube video. Head and shoulders the best act to this point of the show.

Beth Ann Robinson: The negative first: This girl, like the earlier young girl, probably has more of a future as a gymnast, or perhaps a ballerina. And the performance was not perfect. That being said, here’s the positive: the performance was a lot better than I expected, and was far more theatrical and dramatic (and I mean that in a good way) than I would have believed was possible from a girl her age. Sort of a fusion of ballet and pop. She has poise and she definitely has talent. I don’t believe she can win it all, but considering some of the acts she’s up against tonight, she may have a really good shot at advancing to the next round.

Gymkana: NOW we’re cooking with fire! Hell yeah! Could use a little polishing, and it is reminiscent of a gymnastic meet (what’s with all the damn gymnasts tonight, anyway?), but overall, I LIKED this. They say go big or go home. Gymkana went big, and I don’t think they’re going home!

Kalani Basketball Freestyle: Great street act. He should probably go talk to those ballers from Harlem. But Vegas? No. And if your whole act revolves around your expertise with a basketball, even if you’re doing something no one else does, you can’t drop the damn ball. Piers was right to buzz him. NEXT!

West Springfield Dance Team: I’ve seen a lot of dance troupes on this show, and more importantly, a lot of amazing ones. These guys are going to have to really blow my socks off to impress me. Now, back to the DVR! Well then. Not your typical dance team. Great look, great feel….but the dancing was only so so, in my opinion. Some interesting and novel moves, to be sure, but their strength was their look, not their dancing. And while I’m commenting, if you really want to scare people (as you said countless times in the profile before the live performance), please, by all means, come up with a scarier name than “West Springfield Dance Team.” Doesn’t exactly strike fear into the hearts of Middle America, ya know? (Thank you, Sharon, for pointing that out!)

Matt Wilhelm: (By the way, before I even watch this guy’s act, I have to say I think his name would be great for the previous act: Wilhelm. Perhaps pronounced in the German fashion, making it “Vilhelm.” THAT sound far scarier and gothic than, say, oh, I dunno, “West Springfield Dance Team.” Just saying.) From the preview, this looks like one of the highest degrees of difficulty of the night. If he pulls it off, he could be a shoe-in for the next round. This oughta be interesting….

I was wrong. It wasn’t “interesting.” It was brilliant! Riderless bike, bikeless rider, than a finally day glow both. Best use of black lights I’ve seen to date! (Well, that involve everyone being fully clothed, that is…) This has the serious potential to be a Vegas show. Wow!

On a side note, I think it would be great if this guy got together with iLuminate—don’t you? What an act that could be!

Powerhouse: ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz……Huh? What? Oh, yeah…..commentary. Well, great. A school choir. One that (allegedly) is one of the inspirations for Glee. Well, I have two words for this: Fuck Glee. I don’t watch the show, and I have no desire to. Of course, with the popularity of the show, this snoozer of an act will probably go through. Puke. Again, it’s a school choir. ‘Nuff said.

My favorites: Matt Wilhelm, Gymkana, Beth Ann Robinson, and Kevin Colis. And I hope these guys are the ones to go through, as the rest of the acts weren’t that good, with the possible exception of Vilhelm—er, uh, West Springfield Dance Team.

I swear, if America votes Power Outage in, I will be beyond nauseated. Shit, I’d prefer the bulldog to those showtune-singing twits.


Looking forward to next week's wild card show!

[Kheldarson]

I'm so glad that West Springfield Dance team got a Wild Card slot from Sharon. That was my mom's high school!

But yeah, they need to get a new name.

And really loved Matt's performance.


But why oh why oh why did they do what they did with the performance filler tonight. The hand dancers were cool. That rock band was cool. The rest? Shoot me. Please. 30 seconds of deep voice, lip syncher, and Rachel Black? *gags*

Although, I will admit I much preferred hearing Black without all the auto-tuning. Still has a bland voice though.

[Jester]

Rock band? What rock band? If you mean the guys who were dancing on the glass table, yeah, they were the best filler entertainment...not that that's saying much. Seriously, I know what they were doing....bringing in You Tube viral sensations for their You Tube show. I get it. Unfortunately, most You Tube videos that go viral do so because people want to see it--once. And then it's no longer interesting. I found each and every one of the filler acts to be a yawner. Including the hand dancers, which honestly, made me almost nauseous. I didn't mind Rebecca Black that much, but yeah, her voice was bland. And every single filler act would NOT have made the semi-finals of this show, considering the talent that did.

As for the wild cards, glad the West Springfield Dance Team and Yellow Designs Stunt Team made it through...but both of them need new names. Seriously, guys....work on that!

I was bummed to see that Danni Shay didn't make it through...I really liked her. And I'm impressed that the judges are giving the Kinetic King another shot. He's definitely a crowd favorite, and quirky as they come. But I was shocked, and I mean SHOCKED to see that J. Chris Newburg got through. He's funny, despite what Piers thinks, but is he better than a lot of other acts that didn't get the wild card? No.

I still want to see Matt Wilhelm team up with iLuminate...how awesome would THAT show be? And since I'm making up my own acts, what if iLuminate could also incorporate Zuma Zuma into their act? How FREAKIN' AWESOME would THAT be?!?!??!

[Kheldarson]

So this week's wild card show was awesome. Yellow Designs Stunt team got to come back, West Springfield Dance team, Charles Peachock, Landon Swank, Avery and the Calico Hearts, Kinetic King, Shevonne, Fiddleheads, Those Funny Little People, J. Chris Newburg, Seth Grabel, and Summerwind Skippers.

Everybody definitely stepped it up this week. Even Newburg got a laugh from Piers.

But moving on to the semi-finals: West Springfield Dance Team, Landon Swank, Kinetic King, and Summerwind Skippers.

I'm very disappointed that Yellow Design Stunt Team didn't go through. They were awesome.

[Jester]

J. Chris Newburg had the funniest line, not only of the night, but of my entire week.

"You've made more children cry than divorce."

Oh, I'll be using THAT one for SURE!

And he had so many other great lines....what an excellent roast of Piers!

[Jester]

What a semifinal!

For the most part, it was impressive, but to me, five acts were clearly above the rest. But before I get to them, I have to say a few things about a couple other acts.

I love Melissa Villasenor. And she has a future in comedy. But up against this level of talent, I don't see her moving on. She's hilarious and her impressions are usually spot on....but she doesn't have enough "Wow!" to be in the top five. Don't get me wrong, *I* would love to see her move on, I just don't think America will put her through.

What can you say about Zuma Zuma? They're awesome, they're great, they're as enthusiastic as they are elastic. And any time you can say that these guys are not in your top five, there had to be some amazing acts out there.

And there were. In no particular order:

Miami All Stars: I want to not like these guys, because there are other acts I like more. But it would be impossible to deny the brilliance they possess, especially tonight. They were spot on, and impressed me...against my will, no less!

Lys Agnes: I thought she couldn't get more beautiful. Clearly, I was wrong. I could just stare at her with the sound off and be a happy guy. But with the sound on, it's even better. And I am not an opera fan, so before it was kind of a novelty thing. But song choice, which is often criticized on these shows, was her ace in the hole, because she took a naturally operatic pop song (that I happen to love) and made it truly operatic. And, dare I say it, she brought me to life!

West Springfield Dance Team: Their name still sucks. And that's the only negative I've got for them. They're slick, they're sick, they're cutting edge, innovative, and incredible dancers. And unlike any dance troupe you'll ever see. They're basically Freddy Krueger meets Vegas!

Poplyfe: I have been somewhat impressed by these kids in their previous performances, and thought they were a pretty damn good band, considering their age. Tonight, they made me adjust that thought. They're a pretty damn good band, period. They brought me out of my seat as they exploded on to that stage and across America. We will see this band again.

Sadly, it won't be as the winners of this show. Everyone above is, I firmly believe, merely vying for the runner up spot. As is everyone next week. Because Team iLuminate, in what I thought was not even their best work, still had the best performance of the night by far. They're innovative, imaginative, entertaining, fun, and have more WOWs in them than a grade school field trip to the circus hyped up on sugar, caffeine, and meth.

These are the guys to beat, hands (and lights) down.