Wherein my apartment complex causes an anxiety attack...that's lasted 2 days so far

[lupo pazzesco]

Ok, so I'm going to go on record here and note that I've got a mild case of anxiety and some OCD. No, I'm not "officially" diagnosed, but I have been tested for anxiety, and I've got social anxiety that translated into test taking anxiety all through school. So, ways I deal with it (since no medication really worked for me) was through meditation/relaxation techniques and keeping some order in what I can control. Like my living space.

Well, got a notice on my door few days ago that my complex is doing a mandatory pest control fumigation thing. No refusals will be accepted. However, WE, as residents, are required to take certain steps to prepare for this.

1. Move ALL furniture away from the walls.
2. Empty all cabinets under kitchen sink and bathroom sink
3. Empty all cupboards and pantry
4. Clean off all countertops in kitchen and bathroom
5. After treatment, residents and pets must vacate for 3-4 hours.


So, PROBLEMS. I'm not a complete neat freak "omg you moved a shoe, you BASTARD" kind of person, but I like keeping my house clean and I'm being made to throw it into disarray. Plus, by doing this, it reminds me how my place looked when it was broken into a while back so that's upped the anxiety. Plus, my dining room table, couch, and every surface that's NOT ordered to be cleared is cluttered and covered and I have so much shit I don't know where to put it. Also, I can't move a few pieces of furniture by myself, like my entertainment center and my dresser?? It took THREE PEOPLE to get them shifted around in the first place!

I had some anxiety attacks last night (technically, one long attack...?) And I'm still not done. I still have to clean under the sinks, get the rest of my pans from over the stove, clean off the counters and whatnot.

Except i can't cook anything, and I can't look at anything out there without going really frantic and feeling like I have to clean and clean and clean and start crying and getting anxious. I can't. Right now, I know I need to nuke something for dinner, but I've been sitting in the middle of my bed since i got home from work (yeah, rearranged the bedroom, too, to accommodate this) because it's the cleanest room in the house.

wolfie is trying to get me to get up and finish, and he was on skype with me last night during the meltdowns, because at one point I was of the mindset "I have too much shit. I need to throw it all away, wtf do I have all this for, it's causing such a MESS!"

Looks like he's gonna be doing so again tonight.

I don't wanna. But I have no choice. Unless I provide medical evidence that the chemicals they use are detrimental to my health, I am required to go through with it with per the lease I signed.

Hate hate hate hate hate.

And hate.

Must move, can't move. So I'm babbling here instead.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

teh, upon seeing thread title: buWUH?
*reads post*
oh... I'm so glad you have someone there to help! (wait. Is he there in person? If not, get someone to help in person. Call your shrink?? They sometimes go and help people at their homes...)
There are ways to cut back on what you have, I'm sure you already know about those though, so I won't hash through them...
make sure you go out someplace calm and cool and veg there for an hour or so. It'll be over soon.

[MoonCat]

I feel for you, I would panic too...I'm the queen of clutter, I can find stuff but I'm not very organized.

I don't understand #5, though. Vacate AFTER treatment? Can't leave pets there while it's being fumigated.

[Aethian]

*snugs* Luffs you

[lupo pazzesco]

oh... I'm so glad you have someone there to help! (wait. Is he there in person? If not, get someone to help in person. Call your shrink?? They sometimes go and help people at their homes...)

make sure you go out someplace calm and cool and veg there for an hour or so. It'll be over soon.

Yeah, the boyfriend isn't here in person, just over skype. And I don't have a shrink, can't afford one.

I know there are ways to cut down on stuff, and I'm long overdue, but last night I was basically going "I don't need it. Any of it. Throw it ALL away" (i.e., all my dishes, glasses, mugs, etc...) Yeah, very much panic attack

I feel for you, I would panic too...I'm the queen of clutter, I can find stuff but I'm not very organized.

I don't understand #5, though. Vacate AFTER treatment? Can't leave pets there while it's being fumigated.

From what the apartment complex told me when I called the last several (think it's been 5 times in the last 2 days...?) that they HAVE to warn people about the whole letting the place alone for 3-4 hours as a precaution, but most people are fine. I'm sitting here going "I live alone, I'll have worked a full day, I don't have anywhere TO go, what am I going to do?!?!"

>.<

[teh_blumchenkinder]

What about parents, or friends? Panic attacks... yeah... best to have someone around to make sure nothing drastic will happen. ._.
Where to go: library-- including university libraries they're usually open later, student union buildings, you could go for a walk and dinner out, a friend's place, you could rent a hotel room...?

[xx_wolfie_xx]

teh, upon seeing thread title: buWUH?
*reads post*
oh... I'm so glad you have someone there to help! (wait. Is he there in person? If not, get someone to help in person. Call your shrink?? They sometimes go and help people at their homes...)
There are ways to cut back on what you have, I'm sure you already know about those though, so I won't hash through them...
make sure you go out someplace calm and cool and veg there for an hour or so. It'll be over soon.

blumchenkinder, I'm not letting her throw ANYthing away right now. She's not in the proper headspace for this, for example, she was threatening to throw away all of her canned pumpkin. (this is significant to anyone who's spent more than an hour in chat)

[teh_blumchenkinder]

>_>
Panic attacks: no bueno. I agree with the "not the right headspace"-- I've had one or two, never lasting very long, so I understand. Also why I'm encouraging someone to be there, physically. Of course, contact helps too-- so that's why I'm glad you're able to talk to her over skype.
... I take it Lupo's attached to canned pumpkin?/mildly confused

[xx_wolfie_xx]

Saying that lupo's attached to pumpkin is like saying the rest of us are mildly fond of oxygen

[teh_blumchenkinder]

mmm. thought so.

[xx_wolfie_xx]

She is however allowed to throw things away as she puts them back in their proper placesand in a much better headspace.

[Kara]

I understand. I've been able to eliminate a LOT of the junk my ex left here, but there's still SO MUCH more... I try to start working on some of it, and it always ends with me crying and saying I'll do it tomorrow. My parents have come down a few times with my dad's truck and hauled a lot of it away... but yeah. She was the one who didn't care about a little clutter (as in, every inch of the dining room table covered in papers and junk mail, and unfinished projects, and we couldn't even eat there). And she left most of it to me. And there's just so much of it....

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Well, unfortuantely, I must leave... but, some words:
Lupo, you'll get through this. You can do this. Focus on one little thing at a time.

Wolfie:

[Elspeth]

I am glad you wolfie is able to talk to you. He will help. I can't imagine going through that with that short of notice

And going through stuff is never easy. i want to take a flamethrower to our stuff.

And no getting rid of the pumpkin.

[lupo pazzesco]

Sweet fucking crap, why the hell do I have so much glassware?? Why do I have ssssoooo many reusable bags?? I still have to clean off the countertops and wash dishes and I don't know where I'm putting it all!! wtf am I going to do??