A Dream? A Vision? A Sign? Or Maybe I'm Just Crazy...

[Kara]

I was having a conversation last night in chat with firecat and, among many things, we got on the subject of the Chinese Zodiac and some of the symbolism that goes along with it. I lamented the fact that I was the year of the Rooster (1981), because, I mean, there are some awesome animals in the Chinese Zodiac and I get a damn rooster. But that made me think of something else, and I've actually been pondering its meaning a LOT today (I get bored easily).

I have this.... I don't know. I used to think it was a memory. Not sure, really. I can still remember much of my early childhood from about the age of 3 on. But this was before that. Don't ask me how I know that, I just always have. What I remember is fire. Total darkness, within that darkness was fire. And not just any fire, it was golden in color. And it had a form, an animal. I remember one day when I was 3 or 4 asking my mother about the chicken that was on fire and she had NO IDEA what I was talking about, but I insisted that I remembered it. She told me that when I was 2 weeks old we were at a fireworks display on the 4th of July and an ember burned my baby blanket, but it wasn't a raging fire or anything. I asked if there was a chicken and she said no.

Sometime in high school we went over the Chinese Zodiac in one of my classes. I learned I was born in the year of the Rooster, and I thought of that memory for the first time in YEARS. And I thought, wow, that's REALLY weird. I wonder if it means something?

I can still picture it clearly in my mind. It's been unchanged all this time. And... it comforts me. Gives me peace, and strength. Recalling it makes me feel better. I should probably do it more often, but the truth is, I go long periods of time without thinking about it at all.

That's not the weird part.

I made a connection last night that I really REALLY should have made before now. I don't know why I never saw it until last night. There's a certain legend I've been partial to for a very long time. I don't even remember where or how I learned of it (I want to say age 10 or so), but for some reason it seemed to "connect" with me somehow. I've read lore, I've looked at tons of paintings and drawings, I've even got one on my high school class ring, even though our school mascot was the Spartan. I've written a trilogy of books based on it. And I've even used it as a metaphor for my life, after everything my life was went down in flames and I was able to rise above it to be a better person, be true to myself. I just did a new Avi a couple of weeks ago, and yeah, there it is.

It wasn't a chicken in my memory. It was a Phoenix.

So now I've been thinking about this all day. I want to know what it all means, and I've got nothing. Yes, like I said, it's a fitting association with what I've been through, but that was 7 months ago. This... whatever it is, has been in my mind all of my life. I'm religious, but I believe there may be other forces at work to some things that we still don't understand. I believe in spirits and such, but... that's not really what this is. I've read of totem spirits before, but those are spirits of nature, that is, things that exist in the natural world. The Phoenix is a legend, it's a myth. So, how can a "memory" of something that doesn't even exist be real? I never could have actually seen this, it's impossible. I know it wasn't something I saw in a book or on TV. It was too... real. I can't explain it, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen considering I've never actually "seen" it.

It has to mean something. But I don't know what. It's been a part of my life from the start, it has to mean something. Because, if it doesn't.... if it's all some kind of really weird coincidence, then why does it feel so real? If it's nothing, if it's meaningless, why is it even there? Why do I keep coming across Phoenix imagery by "chance?"

Why do I even care about this all of a sudden? I don't know. Maybe it's just to prove I'm not losing my mind or something.

Anyone good at interpreting dreams, or visions, or whatever the hell this is who'd like to chime in would be greatly appreciated.

[RootedPhoenix]

There's often a lot of symbolism in dreams.

Maybe it's a symbolic sort of message. Maybe a message of encouragement, something to tell you to keep going even though things are in flames, that you're worth a lot more than it seems sometimes.

I could be wrong, but the phoenix has always seemed (to me) like a symbol of renewal after hard, awful times.

If that's what it says to you, then I think that's a precious symbol to have for yourself.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Seems to me you've already found the meaning. It is one of the most enduring hopes of the human condition-- the ability to go on, move forward, renew.
Where it came from is another thing entirely.
What do you feel like it should mean?
Are you looking for... what? from it? Anything?
What is meaning? What should meaning do, rather? >_>
'Cuz, to me, a flowering tree has meaning, but that doesn't imply anything for me to do or push me to do anything other than appreciate and foster it. If that makes any sense.
EDIT: some could interpret your Image of Phoenix as the manifestation of your Will-- basically could be construed as a self-made totem, or a psychological/psychic manifestation of what your Will is.

[Kanalah]

*hugs* to my fellow 1981 rooster!

I have seen rabbits. Ever since I was a little girl, there were rabbits. Everywhere I've lived, rabbits lived there too. And no we never had pet rabbits. Right now we have 2 rabbits that hang out and eat the weeds in my front yard. My kids named them Fiver and Hazel. >.>

I'm sure I've said this before, but I see you as a strong person, so a phoenix as your guide/totem animal makes perfect sense to me.

[AccountingDrone]

Im 1961. Moo.

[Mishi]

I'm a Dragon and Rugz is a Pig

@Kara: *Shrugs* My opinion is that the image/memory was to give you hope that things will change for the better, regardless of how hard they got/get. It's to help you keep being stubborn!

[MoonCat]

I'm a Rooster too.

You know, Kara, maybe you're an old soul (you've been here before) and that dream was an old memory from the past. I knew it had to be a phoenix as soon as you said fire was involved...and it's a very appropriate symbol for you, a sign of the rebirth you've been going through. Very positive.

[raw456]

Im 1961. Moo.

1973 = Moo to you too!!!

Even though my Chinese Zodiac is the Ox, I have always had an affinity for tigers and they are my totem.

Kara, from everthing I have read about you in your posts, the phoenix is a very apt totem to have. It could be the vision you had as a child was a glimpse of things to come?

[Eisa]

Right now we have 2 rabbits that hang out and eat the weeds in my front yard. My kids named them Fiver and Hazel. >.>

Watership Down FTW.

I'm a...Dragon, I think. I don't want to be. >.< Never liked dragons, really. I wanna be a rabbit instead.

Basically, what everyone else said. It sounds like you already know the meaning, really. :3

[Kara]

Are you looking for... what? from it? Anything?
What is meaning? What should meaning do, rather? >_>

The thing, is, I don't know what I want to know. It's like, yeah, I can see the symbolism in my life now... but it's not like I saw this, whatever it is, recently. It's my first clear memory. It's ALWAYS been there. So, what, was this all predetermined? Even if it's something that my brain coincidentally cooked up in the early stages of my life, I understand that it won't change whether or not it's real to me. But I just... I don't know. Symbolism is great and all, but really, life could have spared me the literal example.

My heart tells me it's real. My brain says it can't possibly be. Maybe that's why I want to know what it means, to make it "real." I dunno if that even makes sense. I am seriously confusing myself trying to ask myself why I'm asking why. So I try to justify it, and maybe the whatever answer I'm looking for will come.

You know, Kara, maybe you're an old soul (you've been here before) and that dream was an old memory from the past. I knew it had to be a phoenix as soon as you said fire was involved...and it's a very appropriate symbol for you, a sign of the rebirth you've been going through. Very positive.

You know, I don't discount that thought, even though it's not really in line with my personal beliefs. My counselor does Past Life Regression Therapy (and I have no idea what that is, I can only guess). I think I'll ask her about it. She's very good with energies and such. She told me about this darkness that hung over me when I first started seeing her again in December, and she couldn't clearly see my face. And after a few months, it was like a veil was lifted. She also admitted to me that she smudged her office when I left because I left so much negative energy behind (which she says is what she WANTS to happen, so she knows people are not still carrying it with them when they leave). And she doesn't have to do that anymore. And other clients who are more attuned to such things feel it when the come in after I leave.

Kara, from everthing I have read about you in your posts, the phoenix is a very apt totem to have. It could be the vision you had as a child was a glimpse of things to come?

And I suppose that could be all it is. But, as I said, I could have done without the literal interpretation. Of course, then I wouldn't have been "renewed" so powerfully, I wouldn't be who I am now. So I guess it was a good thing, for being so painful and terrible.

[Mytical]

Apparently I am of the OX persuasion. So that is goat and Ox. (Capricorn). Man, I must be one of the most stubborn people alive

[firecat88]

I'm a lion and a tiger (oh my). Not sure what that says about me.

[Ghel]

Kara, I don't think that it matters whether it was a vision or a dream, a real memory or a false one. What matters is that you've found a symbol that means something to you at this time in your life. A phoenix is a beautiful, powerful symbol. Based on what you've posted about what you've been going through lately, I think it is perfectly appropriate to describe you.

[Kara]

Talked to my counselor today, and like a few have said, it doesn't seem to matter what the "point" is as long as it has meaning to me. Which she agreed was a very deep, personal, and POWERFUL symbol for me.

Her belief is that we are given a "blueprint" for our lives before birth, and that we forget that blueprint when we are born. But the things we yearn for, the goals we work towards, those are the things on the blueprint. We know those are the things we need, but we forgot why. We just know that's what we want/need. When we follow that plan, that's when life feels truly "good." When we stray from it, our intuition tells us it's wrong, but we don't know why. In my case, I may have been given something more, an image to remind me of my path in life.

The reason I asked my mother about it is that at the age of three, I still remembered part of that plan. Why I saw the phoenix isn't relevant, because I DID see it and that's enough. It was a powerful enough image that I've held onto it my entire life, and subsequently I'm drawn to phoenix imagery and lore. Even though I only recently made the connection.

And life is REALLY damn ironic sometimes. I've been reading a bit of legends and beliefs of the phoenix this afternoon and came across this: "In Chinese legends, this bird is secular and known as the king of the birds. It represents the female though it has the male and female. "

Okay fine. The reason doesn't matter. It's my vision, it's my symbol. In a way, it defines me. And I'm okay with that.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Okay fine. The reason doesn't matter. It's my vision, it's my symbol. In a way, it defines me. And I'm okay with that.

I'm glad you're okay with that. I didn't want to tell you that "sometimes, things just are," because so often that answer annoys people (and it sounds like a cop-out to me and everyone).
EDIT: that and I didn't feel like I knew everything pertinent... but eh.
have a birdie