A Phoenix's Fight.

[RetailWorkhorse]

*Cries and hugs* I dun wanna lose my bacon-friend! No leaving the pony!

[Food Lady]

*Cries and hugs* I dun wanna lose my bacon-friend! No leaving the pony!

We've already lost one.

[Mishi]

You know you can PM me anytime, and to borrow from Jester: "If you kill yourself, I'll never talk to you again!"

Dude - flowers and sunsets and yummy food (BACON!) and good music and friends... Do you really want to give up on any of these things just yet? Think of all the fun stuff and all the milestones that you'll miss out on. *Huge hugs*

[RootedPhoenix]

*Cries and hugs* I dun wanna lose my bacon-friend! No leaving the pony!

*hugs the heck out of you* I'm still here.

You know you can PM me anytime, and to borrow from Jester: "If you kill yourself, I'll never talk to you again!"

Dude - flowers and sunsets and yummy food (BACON!) and good music and friends... Do you really want to give up on any of these things just yet? Think of all the fun stuff and all the milestones that you'll miss out on. *Huge hugs*

Bacon is lovely. Flowers are lovely. I <3 music.

I'm glad I said something about how I felt (and still kind of feel I want it to stop already!). The darkness eats all the joy out of these things. I'm glad I could be reminded of their awesomeness.

Thanks for all the PMs. I haven't replied to any of them yet, but I read them all. *hugs all whether you PMed me or not* Thank you for reaching out to me.

[morgana]

:*hugs all whether you PMed me or not* Thank you for reaching out to me.

Thank you for trusting us.

And take heart from the name we call you by. The Phoenix comes back from painful flames to engender joy . . .

We're here. We want you to be, as well.

[Seraph]

And take heart from the name we call you by. The Phoenix comes back from painful flames to engender joy . . .

We're here. We want you to be, as well.

This. This. This.

Man, I feel like such a dumbbell because I can't really add much to this thread, except that we are here for you. Don't EVER give up hope. I'll also pith in with "pm me if you need".

It always seems darkest before the dawn, just hang in there. <hugs> I'll be praying for you.

[RootedPhoenix]

I keep crying.

I don't want to leave Salt Lake. There's...everything's here, except I couldn't make it work.

*cries*

[dragon_wings]

You can always go back when the time is right. Get yourself settled again and plan to go back to Salt Lake - there's no law saying you can't go back.

*HUGS*

I agree. You can go back. You can always go back.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

... I question your former landlady's mental capacities. Renters aren't falling from trees these days-- she'll regret kicking you out. Definitely start taking vitamins, if you aren't already, they'll support your system, and possibly make the depression less painful. Vitamin D, especially, helps. (can help)
Take it easy, take it one day at a time.

[kpzra]

I keep crying.

I don't want to leave Salt Lake. There's...everything's here, except I couldn't make it work.

*cries*

I understand this. I had to drive 3000 miles from my. Home in. Alaska to BFE Nevada because my house was foreclosed on...with my 1 year old in the back seat. I am now living in my mother in laws house. I have no idea what I'm going to do for a job, but I keep telling myself at least I have a roof over my head. The jury is still out on my marriage some days.

It took 4 days to pack, when it should have taken less because one day I could not get out of bed, or stop crying. The only thing that keeps me going most days is my daughter, I don't want to be without her. I also know that one day I will make it back to Alaska, where I belong.

[Kara]

Sometimes things don't work out the way we intend. It's not always a bad thing, it just means new opportunities in ways you might not have expected. One thing I've learned this year is that life doesn't always take us where we want to be, but where we NEED to be.

And I agree with what others have said. Maybe you need to grow more, have new experiences somewhere else for now. And if you should return to Salt Lake City later, you will have what you need so you CAN make it work.

[Der Cute]

Phoenix:
It sounds to me like you're anxious and depressed, which will depress you more and you're anxious about being depressed....vicious cycle.

Can you find another person (friend, mom, SOMEONE) to sit down with at a table and talk? Like over dinner/coffee? Sit down and chat with them about your situation - you are losing a place to live, due to someone's beliefs.
You are afraid of moving, since the future is unpredictable.
You are afraid you'll not have much to go on/survival if-when you move.

1. Is your place you're subletting...is the person you pay ..do you have a contract with them? Investigate landlord laws. You might be able to buy yourself about 90 days IF you are on a contract/lease and they are wanting you out without reason.
2. The person who's offered you to stay - jobs in that area - with your skillset? Within a few miles for commute? Would there be a way to stay with your friend and search for a job, with a deadline of, let's say...3 months? Would there be a way to stay there, pay nominal rent/board and get enough $ to find a NEW place to go?
You've said Salt Lake City is your place, and you're afraid of 2nd place..but can you take a hiatus?

3. Is it possible to stay in Salt Lake City with family/other people under the same idea as #2? You already have care there in SLC, with a doctor and such.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. When depression hits, you can be as smart as a rock. Really- the depression itself will mess up your cognitive and thinking functions. You get derpy. Quickly.
What i wrote here is something for you to focus on. When you're in shock and or depressed, you're stuck. You (humans) need something to pull you up a bit and focus. I find that when I get stuck, I get a task, I can get that task done. And it does have to be broken up for me to work on it, otherwise it's the O Overwhelmed Alert...which makes ME sit and avoid things.

Talk to the doc /counselor about your first post, shit, take it in. Ask for help - place to live, help to stabilize mood/behavior. That's first.

[ArcticChicken]

I've been trying to figure out what to say for most of half an hour now.

I'm depressed, have been for as long as I can remember. I've never seriously considered suicide, but I can see how someone might.

I know how much it sucks to rely entirely on someone else for, well, everything. And I know how hard it is to get to a place where you don't have to.

You have my contact info if you need to talk.

[BrightEyedKitty]

Taking the step of moving might seem overwhelming right now, but really, you're just doing what you need to do right now to get by until things start improving. Like others have said, it's temporary and you can always go back later.

You're in a desert period. Right now it's just a matter of riding it out. Hang in there.

[XCashier]

I understand your fear, Phoenix. Times are scary right now, many people are having to relocate or make other major changes in their lives right now. Nobody's future is secure at this point. It's frightening, I agree, and can be very overwhelming.

Everyone needs help sometimes; there is no shame in accepting offered help if you need it. If you have to move to Kingman, it's not the end of the world. Kingman's an okay place, they may have jobs there, do a little Google-fu and see what you can find. Perhaps you can do upkeep around your friends' house for room and board?

Whatever you do, please don't kill yourself. There are many people, both in your real life and online, who care about you and want to keep you around. We've alreadly lost one member, and we don't want to lose another.

"Tough times never last, but tough people do." -- Robert Schuller
"If you're going through hell, keep going." -- Winston Churchill