I Want To Scream... But I Feel Nothing

[Kara]

My ex is pregnant.

My ex, who destroyed my life (which, yes, had a positive outcome for me in the end), cheated on me, tore me down every single day for 3 years, had me arrested, crushed me financially, is pregnant.

She's been out there bragging to everyone about how much better off she is without me and how happy she is that she doesn't have to hold in her feelings for her true love anymore, her boyfriend from middle school she never got over.

She's been out there bragging to everyone about her "fresh start," and how happy she is now. About how wonderful and amazing her life is without me. About how our kids supposedly want nothing to do with me and want to spend all their time with him and his son.

She goes on and on to anyone who will listen about how terrible I was, how I didn't love the kids at all, didn't care about them, and didn't want them. How she was the one who was always there for them and the only one fit to take care of them.

The truth is out. By her own admission. Everyone can see her for what she really is now. She used me up, found a way to get me out of the picture completely, got back with the guy she'd been having an online affair with for at least 2 years, put things off that affected my case, was the one who requested about half the delays in the proceedings, and then all of a sudden in July she wants the divorce over with ASAP. Now I know why.

I knew already. It was a realization I had last month as I was finding out what was really going on all this time. It hit me. "Oh my God... she's pregnant." But I thought, no, that can't be it. That's why she couldn't just leave me for someone else, why it had to be a "serious" reason to leave. Her family is VERY traditional and she would be shunned by her relatives for life if she did that. And now I find out, and she's out there bragging about it. EVERYONE knows. Her true motives, her true nature, are clear to everyone now.

And now she's freshly divorced and already pregnant. And unmarried. Yeah, her family's gonna think so highly of her for doing it this way. I really want to call her grandmother and apologize on her behalf. I love that woman, and this won't be easy for her to deal with.

And great way to show those kids how much they mean to you. Look kids, I'm happy with my new life with my new lover with my new baby. Tell me that won't affect them. Tell me they won't feel unwanted. They are part of her "old" life, her life she's making it clear that she wants nothing to do with.

As for me, I'm just numb. I can't feel anything right now. When I am able to feel again, it's not going to be pretty. I anticipate a lot of tears. For the children, not myself. The thought of what she's putting my children through makes me sick. This isn't going to keep me down though. It's not even gonna knock me down. I don't feel it right now, but I'm too strong for her to hurt me anymore.

Pray, to the deity of your choice, for my children. Until I can help them myself.

[Seraph]

Oh jeez, Kara. <hugs> I'm so sorry to hear about this witch. It's obvious how much you care for your kids....she's just a bitter, bitter person who is completely rotten on the inside. Just make sure to prepare yourself to be there for your kids...as it looks like she may be ditching them. ><

[Mikkel]

Save everything and give it to your attorney. I doubt you can be kept from your children forever without cause and everyone must know it's all lies by now.

[Kara]

My attorney knows everything, and I have proof. Excuse me, I have EVIDENCE. And I've given it all to him. I got loads and loads of proof last month, proof that this has been going on before our divorce was final. Which gives her a motive to do all this to me. I wasn't going to say anything here, because she knows about cs. But i doubt she reads it anymore. And even if she does, at this point, who cares? She's been shouting from the rooftops about how happy she is that she got rid of me and has this guy now, her ex-boyfriend that she never stopped loving and now doesn't have to hide her feelings for anymore. And NO amount of backpeddling she can do in court will hide the pregnant belly.

[Mikkel]

My attorney knows everything, and I have proof. Excuse me, I have EVIDENCE. And I've given it all to him. I got loads and loads of proof last month, proof that this has been going on before our divorce was final.

Good. You will see your children again, probably very soon.

Which gives her a motive to do all this to me. I wasn't going to say anything here, because she knows about cs.

As long as you don't say something she can use against you, you are doing well enough.
Maybe you should show your attorney what you write too? Just to have the strongest possible case. I'm sure the Mods will delete anything you want unsaid.

[Kara]

Since everything happened, I have said nothing I regret. Nor have I done anything I regret. I have nothing to hide. I vowed to become a better, stronger person through this, to not let it break me. And I have done so. Everything I have done, I have done for my children. And she's been... getting pregnant. Yeah, that's going to look real good in court.

[dragon_wings]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this Kara. Really. This is awful. And I'm makes me so mad. When (and it is when not if) this backfires on your ex she won't so happy.

[Elspeth]

grrrrr. I can't believe another human would do this to a person. Kara you are amazing. You have such strength. Your ex will get a karma kick in the arse and I hope soon.

*many hugs*

[Food Lady]

She's not happy. She's pretending to be happy. At some point reality will come crashing down on her, and that won't be pretty.

[Seraph]

She's not happy. She's pretending to be happy. At some point reality will come crashing down on her, and that won't be pretty.

No it won't. It's going to be very ugly when it happens. >< And the fallout will probably hit the kids....but thank God that Kara will be there for them.

Keep strong, Kara. I'll continue to keep you and your kids in my prayers. <BIG HUG>

[JoitheArtist]

UGH. sorry to hear it, Kara. Will be praying.

[RootedPhoenix]

Kara... *hugs* I'm so sorry.

If only I could reach through the computer and fix this for you.

This ......woman doesn't deserve you. *hugs hugs hugs hugs*

[dragon_wings]

This ......woman doesn't deserve you. *hugs hugs hugs hugs*

Quoted. For. Truth.

More s

[Kara]

Thanks everyone. I got through the day fine, I never cried once. I really think this killed whatever was left in my heart for her. I feel nothing for her, nothing at all. What upsets me, what just really pisses me off, is that she could do this to our children. That she could be this heartless, selfish, and just outright stupid.

In 8 months, she has packed them up and taken them to a shelter. When they got tired of her mooching off them, she got her job back and they got an apartment. In May she was in a wreck, but I don't know the details. She was hurt, but doesn't appear to have been very serious at all. Then, suddenly, she has them meet her new boyfriend, and they suddenly are a part of his life and so is his son. And then either they moved in with him or he moved here to be with her. So another change in the household. And now she's pregnant.

The kids will tell her how happy they are. And my boys, who are 4 and 6, may mean it. It's new and exciting, they might not see the potential for heartbreak. But my daughter is old enough to understand. These kids watched her take me away from them, keep me from them, and then replace me. And now, the replacement is giving her another child. My ex took wonderful care of our babies. With her, the baby's needs ALWAYS come first. It won't take long for my children to feel left out. To feel like they've been replaced too.

I never thought she could do something like this. I tried to believe there was still part of the woman I fell in love with back in high school in there somewhere. I guess we've both done some digging and found our true selves. It's a shame her true nature is so self-absorbed and callous to others, including her children.

But maybe that's it. She wants nothing to do with her old life, and those children are part of her old life. I can't imagine them taking any kind of priority for her now, they haven't so far since all this happened.

It sucks, but they've still got me. I still have room in my life for them. I won't forget them or replace them. While she's been out building a replacement family, I've been working hard to overcome my fears and my demons and I've become such a stronger and better person. And I didn't even go out and get pregnant. Or get anyone else pregnant, I guess. I've been kissed by 1 person in 8 months, and I haven't seen him since (which is a shame, but that's another story).

I dunno, maybe I'm just old-fashioned. Maybe she's right and everyone will excuse her behavior and actions. Maybe this is perfectly normal.

Nah.

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs the hurt out*