Can it be done now?

[Kheldarson]

Just need to rant and write this down someplace.

Kabe and I are getting married. Was supposed to be in June, but life and stuff got in the way, it's now in October.

My mom and Maid of Honor have been great with all this planning stuff.

Me?

I just want to headdesk every time I'm asked a question about it. And then I feel guilty because it's my mom and best friend who are asking me these questions.

I think I disappointed my mom a little too this weekend (we went down to SC to get the marriage license paid for and to do another fitting of my wedding dress....which my mom is altering) by telling her that, frankly, in my opinion, a lot of this is for her and the family.

And honestly? It is. My entire thought about any future wedding as a child was "it'll be at church" (I'm Catholic). That was it. There'd be a guy and it'd be at church.

I could care less what kind of flowers are in my bouquet (although the florist was awesome and we hammered something out). I'm not picky about what music will be playing (although the choir director at my church is awesome and is working out something special for me). It's a noon wedding with a reception following at the church so I don't think we need a lot of food, personally (mom's working on that with some co-workers from school though). I'm sure the dress will turn out fine no matter what mom does to it (because she is an awesome sewer and every dress she's made for me has turned out awesome).

My MoH keeps insisting that the day of I'll be getting all worried about all these details so she wants to make sure it's all decided ahead of time. But...honestly, beyond freaking about the ceremony (which yay, got in the decisions about what readings and prayers to use), and worrying about how to get the pre-Cana stuff done (a Church requirement), the rest of it can go hang, in my opinion. My mom wants things perfect because I'm the only girl so this will be the "only wedding".

I just want it done so Kabe and I can focus on things like both having paying jobs and paying off all the bills that are accruing, my grad school work, and further applications to other grad programs.

Just want the madness of fluff and lace to stop!

[monolayth]

I find this funny. I seriously did not care about a lot of that stuff too.

I knew the dress was important to me. That I wanted red roses. That I wanted my niece to be my flower girl. That I wanted it to be carefree and fun.

People were expecting me to bridezilla out. never happened.

I did not get my dress altered because I ordered it the correct size and as a lace up back. I did my own flowers. We did not decorate the ceremony location outside of some rose petals up the aisle.

We bought and never used centerpeices. No one missed them. We had a picnic style reception. We skipped the planned music. No one noticed. I catered with pulled bbq (chicken pork and beef) and traditional sides.

I did not pick out the flower girl dress. I did not pick out the cake. I did not pick out bridesmaid dresses.

I did get weird before the wedding. My brain was pretty fried.

The day of the wedding I was happy the entire day. I was sweet and calm too. People remarked how happy and calm I was.

None of the details mattered.

Things did go wrong and I could have cared less.

So don't feel bad about not really caring about the wedding. You are focused on the important. The marriage and the future.

[jedimaster91]

So don't feel bad about not really caring about the wedding. You are focused on the important. The marriage and the future.

This x1000. So many people focus too much on the ceremony and fluff and forget that the important part is the joining of two lives. Is there anything wrong with going all out on the wedding? No. If you can afford it, more power to ya.

As for me, I wanted three things (well, four if you count the groom ): a bow on the back of my dress, a friend of the family to do the cake (cuz her cakes are the awesomest), and macaroni and cheese. Other than that, I didn't care. What was important to me was the marriage, not the party.

[Dave1982]

As long as everything is clean, the food tastes good, there's a cake, the guests show up reasonably well-groomed, and the bride shows up, I won't really care when the day comes for me.

[csquared]

22 years, 4 months, 7 days. I remember it like it was yesterday. (The Wife is not home. Can I make a crack about "It seems like it was longer?" )

The Wife was there. I was there. The Minister was there. We got three out of four right. We forgot to bring the marriage license. Minister forgot to ask for it. FIL ran back to the apartment after the ceremony and grabbed it.

Remember the important stuff. The rest is just fluff.

And a word of advice to the groom:
Don't trip over the runner.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I have a feeling I will feel much like you if I should ever get married. Except for the church part (I'm not at all religious). If it weren't for my family I would be more than happy to just elope. I don't even want an engagement ring (I want a puppy*).

*People think I'm kidding when I say this. I'm not.

[Kogarashi]

I was very chill with my wedding too.

The dress was important to me. I figured I only get one shot at the wedding, so I'd better find a dress I like a lot. I checked out the website of a local dress shop and found a design that I absolutely adored, that was only $400. Showed up at the shop with my sister and a friend and found out that they had one left in my size, and that apparently I was (at the time, at least) the perfect proportions for the dress, so no alterations were necessary. Score. My jewelry was inexpensive off-the-rack jewelry from Walmart, since it would look pretty enough. I wore a pair of strappy white sandles I already owned.

Thanks to our religion, the ceremony required almost no planning whatsoever beyond getting the marriage license and scheduling the building, and then making sure the people who could be there knew when to be there. One of my sister's friends gifted us her amateur-level/professional-look photography. Hubby's parents arranged the post-wedding luncheon (close family only). Additionally, because of the type of ceremony we had, we didn't have an "official" wedding party. We told our families that our wedding color was blue, and to pick something they liked along those lines. Hubby's parents got all the menfolk (all four of them) matching blue neckties to wear with their dark Sunday suits, and I told the ladies (eight total) that as long as their dress was close to some shade of blue, I was happy. My oldest younger sister picked out some inexpensive separates from a wedding shop, another found a beautiful blue dress off the rack at a discount store, and the other two wore their prom dresses (one of which was silvery gray, but I didn't care, it was close enough). My two sisters-in-law similarly found inexpensive off-the-rack dresses. No one matched. No one cared.

For the reception itself (evening reception), my mom went to town with a friend of hers. They arranged all the buffet catering themselves, getting the occasional friend to pitch in with a dish that the two of them couldn't quite do by themselves. Mom did some simple decorations in the church's gym, and I don't remember if we even had centerpieces. Mom did the favors, which were little quiz sheets about Hubby and myself, very nicely scrapbooked. One aunt did our flowers, and I told her I didn't care how they looked so long as they fit the wedding colors, which were blue. I got three boquets (wedding day boquet for the photos right after the ceremony, official boquet for the reception the following evening, and tossing boquet for the single ladies to catch), and there were a few other arrangements this aunt did as her gift to us. Photography was again provided by sister's friend as well as another family friend who had a digital camera and went to town with it, without asking for payment. Our DJ was the son of my mom's friend, done as a gift since he's not professional, with music provided by myself (I'd been collecting appropriate songs for quite a while; all he had to do was cue them up in Winamp). One of my sisters did the cake, with just a little design input from me to make sure I liked what she came up with (we did a single-layer test-run at a sort of bachelorette party at our university in a different state).

All in all, it was a lot of fun and fairly inexpensive in the end to do, thanks to the generous gifts of service involved. And I wasn't stressed one bit about the whole thing. I had the dress, the groom, and the color I liked. That's all I cared about.

[ArcticChicken]

Hmm, for my wedding I want a pretty dress, preferable with some red in it (my 2nd favorite color. It's difficult to get my favorite color in fabric.) I want to wear the earrings he got me for our first anniversary. I want a chocolate-orange cake, and maybe a carrot cake, too. I want it someplace pretty. I want the food to be tasty, but I don't really care what it is. And I want my family there.

That being said, I'll still be happy if what we do is get married in our living room with some bums we've bribed with sandwiches to be our witnesses.

[Elspeth]

I understand what you are going through. I graduated from college 2 days before getting married, I don't recommend that. The day of the wedding I asked my Mom if we could go to Vegas.

Your day will be beautiful and at the end of the day you will be married to your love.

[Kheldarson]

Thanks guys. All of this makes me feel better.

Course, I'll feel even better when I can just say things are back to a semblance of normal

[BeenThereDoneThat]

22 years, 4 months, 7 days. I remember it like it was yesterday. (The Wife is not home. Can I make a crack about "It seems like it was longer?" )

LOL...whenever someone asks my husband how long we've been married (correct answer: since Oct. 18, 1997), he says "Seems like forever!" Har har

Kheldarson...while I didn't expect my wedding to be perfect I did want it to be great and I put a lot of work into it (with the help of a wedding planner). When the actual day came at first I thought it was going to be a disaster because things were not going as planned at all...but it all came together and I think it was wonderful. Hubby still complains he never got to eat, or hardly anything...oh well. I'm sure your wedding will be wondering in its own way, whether or not it's picture perfect

[Seshat]

I was a lot like you, Kheldarson.

I wanted my best friend since childhood as my bridesmaid/matron of honour/whatever. Since she was going to be quite pregnant, I told her to get whatever dress made her feel happy, in any colour other than orange. (I hate orange.)

So once she had her dress, we got purple accessories for my husband and his best man. (She chose purple. Suited me fine.)

And then we used lavender as the signature flower (it dries well, is purple, and being dried flowers, we could make up a lot of the floral stuff in advance).

My mother and my best friend were all 'are you sure? are you sure? Don't you want to make more decisions?' and I was <shrug> 'Looks fine to me. Thank you.'

I did fall deeply in love with one particular dress, and we spent more than we'd planned on the wedding dress because of it. But the table centrepieces were little vases from a $2 shop and the tablecloths were simply hemmed cheap floral fabric in a lavenderish colour - we saved money on other things.

[Android Kaeli]

When/if I ever get married, all I'm doing is getting the marriage licence, grab the groom, grab a couple witnesses, everyone looks pretty, and we go in front of a judge. Simple, doesn't cost a lot, and whatever funds that would have been used for the wedding will go to an awesome honeymoon.