On Winning....

[AccountingDrone]

You know what might have worked? A dodge that some women in the Navy I know use. They get a cornrow style done where everything is braided and tight to the head in the area that is all tucked up inside the borders of the normal hairline. When done right it is about like having normal male length hair.

[Kara]

Thanks guys. And sadly, cornrows are considered a "fad" style, which IS against policy for males and females.

A couple of updates from today. I have 2 meetings next week.

On Monday, I meet with my Sgt so he can sign off on my Grievance. He said he'll just ask if I have anything to add and then we both sign it and it goes up the ladder.

On Tuesday, the Warden wants to see me to share his thoughts about what they told him after our meeting the other day with my counselor and he has some ideas as well. I was assured it's all "VERY positive."

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Wow, Kara...I am humbled and very impressed. I'm so sorry you had to cut your hair but hopefully it will all have been worth it in the end. Yeaaaaaahh!!!!

[Jester]

No. Clippers all the way around. I hate it, but they were pretty clear on what they wanted me to do. And like I said, I wasn't given an option, besides firing.

As much as I love fighting the good fight--and I think we all know that I do--there are times when you have to concede one battle as part of a strategy to win the bigger fight.

This was a such a battle. Does it suck that you had to cut your hair? Sure. But if that is what is necessary to keep your job and fight the bigger battle, it is absolutely worth it.

And I'm glad that you SAW that this was the case. It's great to take a stand. But when taking that stand costs you your job and makes it impossible to fight the bigger fight, you have gained nothing. But by conceding this one small (and quite honestly, cosmetic and temporary) point, you have put yourself in a far better position to take the stand you want to take, and to make things better for yourself and others in your profession who are or will go through what you are going through.

Stay strong, and remember, sometimes picking the right battles is the key to winning the bigger battle. We're all very proud of you. And don't you ever forget that.

[fireheart]

Suggestion re the hair issue while you're transitioning.

I'm guessing that the rule is that the hair can't touch the collar correct?

Have you possibly considered a pixie cut? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pixie_cut

That way you can still maintain some degree of femininity and at the same time also satisfy the requirements of your job. They're also quite easy to maintain from what I've heard.

[Sapphire Silk]

Jester is right on target. Pick your battles. This one is best fought by the Union.

You handled it exactly right, and it will look better for you when your grievance is reviewed.

I hope they hand this Captain and Major their asses on a platter. What jerks.

Though some of the management types seem to be focused on their own prejudices by calling your transition a choice. Kudos to your counselor.

[Jester]

Though some of the management types seem to be focused on their own prejudices by calling your transition a choice.

To be fair to the managemet types, it's likely that in their minds, it really IS a choice. As far as we've come with such things, there are still plenty of people who can't wrap their heads around it.

I'm not saying there aren't prejudicial jerks out there. Clearly there are. But sometimes we really need to give people the benefit of the doubt, that they may really just not know, or that their lives may not have adequately prepared them for such situations.

Until, of course, they prove that they are indeed prejudicial jerks.

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs Kara* You're worth lots.

[reimero]

In spite of my fear of revealing my true levels of geekdom, I want to share a little story with you, Kara.

Not too terribly long ago, I got to hear Nichelle Nichols (Lt. Uhura from Star Trek) tell her story. She is notable for a few important television "firsts": first interracial onscreen kiss, first African-American woman to hold a starring role on par with caucasian males ("a black woman officer on the bridge of a starship? Really?") What struck me about her story, though, is that she wasn't in it to make a social statement or advance the cause of equality or anything like that. She just wanted to do the job she loved doing. She wanted to be herself and make a good life for herself, and it took Gene Roddenberry and Martin Luther King, Jr. to get her to realize that what she was doing actually mattered.

So I guess the lesson is that if you're you and you stick to your guns and do what's right for you, you can help other people do what's right for other people. By being you, you're forcing others to change a hypothetical into a reality, and to deal with it on a very real level.

[Seraph]

<eyetwitch> I just want to punch that prejudicial moron. You're a better person than I would've been in that situation, Kara. The fur would have FLOWN. What you did was the better route.

<hugs>

[Kara]

Today I had my meeting with the Warden to discuss his thoughts. And I have let this all sink in for the rest of the day and come home from work to cry tears of joy.

He wanted to let me know that he supports me 100% and that he admires me for being able to do all this. He is a big promoter of diversity in the workplace and he sees this as a GREAT opportunity for the facility and the entire department. My favorite quote was, "This is just so cool." He made it clear to me that our policies are clearly outlined for "male" or "female" employees, so I won't be any kind of "in-between."

I had NO IDEA that they would already have a plan drawn up by today. They are having a meeting with all the upper-management people on this Thursday to address what is happening. Next week they have a meeting with all the supervisors. In two weeks they review any feedback from the supervisors. In three weeks they meet with me and we go over everything we have at that point and I address any concerns and we make any changes that we deem necessary. In a month, I personally meet with the supervisors to pretty much discuss anything they want to discuss and let them know they can speak with me in private if they have any questions they don't want to ask them in front of everyone (I made it clear I am comfortable talking about ANY of this). A week after that we have a meeting to discuss policies and some of the legal stuff.

On November 20th, I will be officially considered a female officer and all applicable policies and standards formally apply from that time on. A month after that we have a meeting to discuss any problems if they should arise and basically make sure I'm still okay.


This is real. This is going to happen. No more what ifs or wondering if they're really going to work with me. No more wondering what they're going to try to pull to find a way to get rid of me or force me out so they don't have to deal with this. This is HUGE to me. For the first time, I will be recognized for who I am on a fairly large scale.

I finally feel like I'm where I am supposed to be in my life.

[taurinejunkie]

while you == Kara
 {
    win++;
    rock++;
  }

Sorry, had a lot of fun with FlashDevelop today.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

You are truly an inspiration!! Way to go, Kara!!

[Marmalady]

whoever follows my path in their lives won't have to go through the mess I've had to. And that's just amazing. I am doing something that will be a lasting benefit to others.

I'm full of admiration for you, Kara. You've had to climb a burning rope, but your climb has helped put the flames out so that others can now follow.

(Sorry if that sounds too hi-falutin', but that was the image that came to me...)

[iradney]

If there was a like button here, I would like your update a bajillion times. YAY!