The Return of Psycho Aunt Sally

[XCashier]

What happens next is ... kinda beautiful ...

I sincerely hope so. The only thing worse than Alzheimers or Senile Dementia are people who take advantage of those who suffer from those diseases.

Please tell me that Psycho Aunt Sally got what she had coming.

to you, your family and Caroline.

[Sapphire Silk]

As I mentioned to you three weeks ago when I opened this checking account at your Mom's request, it was tied in to my personal on-line banking. Therefore I cannot give you my pass code. I hope that this makes sense since you did not seem to understand when I told you this.

Total and utter bullshit. She doesn't have to give you the password to the online account to show you the financials. All she has to do is print out the monthly statements and show them to you.

At one point you and I did discuss that Medicaid will not kick in for your Mom's living situation until her funds are exhausted. There is, however, still the burden of additional expenses for daily personal care, hygiene, clothing and anything else she might need. I could very easily transfer money to [Psycho's husband]'s or my account to "hide" the fact that [Caroline] has any money. [....]

Definitely keep this. Show it to Adult Protective Services, your social worker, and Medicaid.

My lengthy email was sent after 6 nasty grams from you and I did not handle it well having lost an entire night's sleep worrying about this. As I said to you last week, I also have a busy life-trying to create a new sense of financial stability and not only learning a new job, but writing an entire Health and Wellness program that the expectation is to gross $4 MIL by year 2---all challenging stuff. I will commit to not responding to your emails in the future unless I can keep a cool head.

Now she's just getting delusional.

All POA's have a clause that allow it to be ended at any time by either party. So Aunt Sally is bullshitting you there as well.

Keep insisting on a meeting to discuss these issues. You probably need to hire an attorney who's an expert in elder law. I've had to do this regarding my own mother, though I am fortunate in that my brother and I are getting along and in agreement over what needs to be done.

[Palsgraf]

Caroline had marked on her calendar the date & time that Psycho Aunt Sally was to pick her up to go meet with Psycho's attorney. So my wife simply showed up a couple hours before that and took Caroline to work with her, where they signed papers with a notary assigning Power of Attorney to my wife's brother "Mike" and assigning HCPOA to my wife.

Heh-heh.

My wife had already planned to take Caroline to sign all the house sale closing paperwork and needed a check for the closing. But when she went to pick up Caroline, they were stopped on their way out the door and my wife was told that Caroline's rent hadn't been paid. So they picked up two checks at the bank - one for the title company, and another for the rent that Psycho hadn't paid.


from [Palsgraf and Wife]
to [Psycho Aunt Sally]; [Wife's brother Mike]
date Fri, May 20, 2011 at 4:24 PM
subject Mom documents and payments

Hi,

Mom signed power of attorney for property for [Mike] and power of attorney for healthcare to me today.

Some bills that we took money out of her account for:
Closing on the house - $x done as a money order
Bill for her living/care/apartment - $x cashier's check. There was an $8 fee
$30 cash

[Wife]



First, a somewhat calm response:


from [Psycho Aunt Sally]
to [Palsgraf & Wife]
date Fri, May 20, 2011 at 7:13 PM
subject Re: Mom documents and payments

[Wife],

[....] I will also see what is owed to Neil (the attorney) for his work.When I find out I will mail him a check. He may just waive it.

I will be coming to [Palsgraf & Wife's town] sometime Sunday to pick up [Grandmother]'s crystal stemware and the rest of the china. Please also look for the white bowl and pitcher with the pinecone on it that is mine. I will also be taking the washstand and other antiques that you are not using but have stored. It doesn't make sense that they are piled in a corner. I'd also like to see the other things if for no other reason but to identify them for your kids.

I'd also like updates from you whenever [Caroline] has a doctor's appt. It is important to me that I know what my sister is facing.

AS


Funny. Psycho never had expressed such interest in Caroline's doctor appointments ...

And the butt-ugly pinecone bowl & pitcher that Psycho obsesses about: Psycho claims that Caroline took/stole them from her. I can't imagine Caroline smuggling them under her jacket from Psycho's house. I've decided that they must have belonged to Psycho & Caroline's mother, and Psycho decided that they were hers but was furious that Caroline took them before she could grab them herself. Their other sister told me that Psycho took 80-90% of their parent's things (saying they were hers), and left the remainder for the others.



from [Palsgraf & Wife]
to [Psycho Aunt Sally]
cc [brother Mike]; [Caroline's other sister]
date Sat, May 21, 2011 at 9:50 AM
subject Re: Mom documents and payments

Sally,

At this point I am not comfortable having you in my home. We will slowly be going through mom's things on our own time and will put aside the china and the bowl and pitcher. Things are being sorted, but are not going anywhere.

Mom should not pay for an attorney she did not agree to and that was not necessary in order to fill out the required paperwork.

As for the washstand, we do use it. I had thought it was a gift a couple of years ago, but if you want it back that's fine.

Otherwise you have no right to go through my house and take things you feel we are not using.

Please do not show up tomorrow. The hurtful things you said are still too fresh.

[Wife]



Three hours later, Psycho left us a voicemail. It starts out calm, but accelerates into a ranting desperate attempt by a control-freak to grasp control of something, anything ...

12:56pm, Sat 5/21

[Wife], this is Sally. I got your e-mail. Um, I don't have to go into your home. I do want the china, the crystal, and the bowl and pitcher tomorrow. Um, I also don't care about the washstand. It certainly was a gift, but I was under the impression it was not being used and was on your porch.

Um, it, it, to be honest with you, [Wife], I really think seriously that you need to look at yourself. your e-mails and texts to me have been venomous and hateful. I was merely repeating what your mother said. And I have my own opinions and so does the entire family.

But serious with you, I have had how many years of trying to help you, support you, love you and your kids. And it has been a losing relationship for me.

So I am completely over you, and your entire family. That's how I feel right now, [Wife].

Because you have done nothing but take, take, take, and do not give back. You don't return phone calls, e-mails, it's like pulling teeth. Um, and, it's just, it's a negative, poisonous, toxic relationship for me.

Your mother asked me to take over, yet you went in and you manipulated her even after [Mike] had asked you not to talk to her about all these issues. [....]

So, I want the china and my mother's things to-morrow, not at your time. Because now I am angry.

I don't give about, care about anything else I ever did for you. That is just fine. But I'm done with this toxic relationship. Not just now, but for-ever. Until you can apologize.

And, by the way, all the negative stuff, ain't nothing coming from me, girl, 'cause you wouldn't believe what everybody else has been saying. It's pretty pathetic that you can't see the forest for the trees, because it's always been about you.

Honestly, [Wife], you are a spoiled brat. You don't ever do anything for any-body else. It's always you, you, you. So I am done, done, done. Get that? Done!

But I want that stuff and it better happen tomorrow, or I will show up at your doorstep.

Get it? Bye, [Wife].


Where to begin?!

1. The only venomous & hateful e-mails have been from Psycho, not from my wife.

2. The entire family has their opinions ... I wonder if they're believing what Psycho is telling them? But they should know Psycho better than to do that.

3. Psycho claims that my wife manipulated Caroline after Mike had asked her not to talk with their mother until he had a chance to talk with Caroline himself about this. But ... he was unable to reach Caroline. (I believe, at the time, Caroline's only phone was her cell phone - which she seemed to always turn off to save the batteries). So my wife went to Caroline's apartment, knocked on the door, then called her brother Mike on her own cell phone and told him "Talk to Mom. We need this resolved now before Sally takes her to an attorney tomorrow. I'm walking out of the room so you two can speak privately," then left until Caroline & Mike had finished their conversation. There was no manipulation. My wife didn't say a word about it until she spoke with Mike and he told her to have papers signed assigning him as POA. Sally either doesn't understand what happened, or she just prefers her version of it.

4. Sally says my wife needs to take a look at herself because she only takes, takes, takes, sends venomous and hateful emails & texts, is a spoiled brat, everything is always about her, etc. Can't Psycho see that she's really talking about herself? (These comments were especially hurtful since our home had been essentially turned upside-down to accommodate Caroline for the two months she lived with us, and my wife also had to leave work each and every time she needed to take her mother to a doctor appointment. Of course she did this - Caroline is her mother. But do not turn around and claim that my wife is a spoiled brat who only thinks about herself! [I feel myself getting a little angry here ...])



At least Caroline's finances are safe from Psycho now ... or are they?

[Redbeard]

Holy shit on a stick, man!
So...bear trap on the front porch then?

[Sapphire Silk]

At least Caroline's finances are safe from Psycho now ... or are they?

Not completely. If Sally gets a hole of Caroline and gets her to another attorney, she may be able to trick her into signing a new POA. POA papers usually have a clause revoking other POA orders. So be careful. Do NOT allow Caroline to be alone with Sally . . . ever.

Go to the bank IMMEDIATELY and get Sally's name off any bank accounts she shares with Caroline. Otherwise Sally can empty them and there's nothing you can do. Make sure you know where every penny of Caroline's money and assets are, and that Sally does not have her name on ANYTHING. Shut her completely out. Be ruthless.

The bank may refuse. Technically, if Sally's name is on the account, she co-owns it. If they refuse, go to court IMMEDIATELY and ask the court to freeze the accounts. You'll have to apply for guardianship, which is different that POA. A guardianship is overseen by the courts (you'll have to submit reports to the court on Caroline's finances to prove you're above board once a year), but at that point Sally will not be able to do a damn thing without getting in serious legal trouble.

Courts usually give preference to adult children over siblings. But be prepared to produce evidence of Sally's unfitness. The emails show a family squabble; that won't impress the judge. You'll have to prove actual mis-deeds. Otherwise, the court may appoint a neutral party (which would still be a victory for Caroline and you in the long run).

This is what I'm doing with my mom. It's not difficult, just time consuming. My brother and I asked for an emergency guardianship when Mom was in the hospital so we could get her into an Alzheimer's unit and be able to pay the bills. We go back to court in a couple of weeks to make it permanent. The judge appointed Mom a lawyer (Mom pays for that, not us). We met with him, and he met with Mom. She waived her right to appear in court, and he agrees she is mentally incapable of handling her own affairs. His only concern is to make sure Brother and I are on the up and up. OUR lawyer advised us to cooperate with him and we have, and so Mom's lawyer is not fighting our taking control of her finances.

Now, scam artists can't get at Mom, get her to sign a POA and steal her money or property. The bank won't honor it over a court order giving that power to Brother and me.

So go to court and get that court order. Get a lawyer. It will probably cost you around $1500 in total to do all the work, but it is so worth every penny. If you can in any way afford it, do it.

Make Sally sign a receipt for the items you give her. Take pictures before you let them out of the house so she doesn't try to claim you damaged them. If she balks about the condition of the items, don't give them to her. She's trying to get whatever valuable items she can, which is why she wanted to go through your house. Giving her those few items may be enough to shut her up so she goes away . . . or not. It's up to you, and whether or not you consider that battle worth fighting. For a handful of items that are probably worth a few hundred dollars at most, I'd give them up just to get her to go away.

Give her not so much as a farthing else. Don't pay for Sally's attorney unless she produces a retainer agreement showing Caroline hired him. In that case Caroline may indeed owe the bill. However, that is unlikely that she has it. Get confirmation from Sally's lawyer if she does have it; take Sally's word for nothing.

Any legal correspondence should be certified mail, return receipt.

Don't tell her squat about Caroline's doctors appointments. Sally may show up to try and influence the doctor, which will just annoy the doctor. Make sure Sally's name is not an a HIPAA disclosure form at EVERY doctor Caroline sees. Leave copies of the POA with every doctor, and with Medical Records of Caroline's hospital. Keep a copy on you or within easy reach for emergencies and put the original in a safe or safety deposit box.

I know the bit about the doctor sounds brutal. But Sally can't be trusted and in issues like this you have to go for the throat to shut people like her down.

Good luck! Kudos for standing your ground and pulling the rug out from under this bitch.

[Palsgraf]

Shortly after her I want that stuff and it better happen tomorrow, or I'll show up on your doorstep because now I am angry message, Psycho sent my wife this e-mail:


From: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
Date: Sat, May 21, 2011 at 2:03 PM
Subject: Re: Mom documents and payments
To: [Palsgraf & Wife]
Cc: [Wife's brother "Mike"], [Caroline's other sister]

[Wife],

First, I want you to hear this-after your extensive texts and emails the past three weeks I have reached my wits end. Period.

Second, your Mother had repeatedly asked for me to take over EVERYTHING regarding her estate with [Psycho's husband] as a witness. [....]

I do not care about the washstand or the umpteen other things I have given you over the years. [....]

the attorney was at your Mom's request (again this was discussed with [Psycho's husband] and I on Mother's Day after we received a call from your Mom that neither you nor [Mike] had called her or sent anything[1]) and so I proceeded. [....]

What is unsettling to me is that in spite of your not being POA you went to my bank[2] and removed funds to pay for three items and paid fees for cashiers checks[3] when [Caroline] could have gotten temporary checks, or I could have paid with the checking account.

As I told your cell phone, I am done. [Psycho's husband] and I have continually been there for you and as I said to [Mike], have loaned nearly $10,000[4] to your Mother (and you[5] since you moved with your Mom from FL) without any repayment whatsoever.

I believe the comments I mentioned to you after receiving your extremely mean email[6] were direct quotes from your Mother, by the way.

However, none of that matters anymore. Your depression and anxiety are too toxic for me to deal with. As a reminder, when I was your Matron of Honor and threw you a wedding shower and running around trying to do things for you, you said I was a lousy matron of honor because I didn't do more[7]. I had just finished cancer treatment and my hair was an inch long. I will never forget that and neither will my family.

So my problem is I feel completely used-and that is all my fault because I continued to try to create a relationship that probably never was there.

Take care of [Caroline] because that is really my only concern[8].

Aunt Sally


1. Caroline may have told Psycho that neither my wife not Mike called her on Mother's Day. Caroline has Alzhiemer's! I offered to find the call on my next cellphone bill and mail a copy of it to Psycho to prove that we did talk with her, but my wife said "Why bother?"

2. "my bank"?! It's not Psycho's bank. It's not Psycho's money. It's Caroline's money. And Caroline removed the funds.

3. My wife had to get one money order or cashier's check because you cannot take a personal check to a real estate closing. (Wouldn't Psycho's ex-Realtor husband know this?) Psycho should have paid Caroline's rent on-time, so my wife wouldn't have been stopped at the door and presented with a bill for past-due rent. The fee for the one cashier's check or money order was only $8 ... and we give Caroline more than that each week as cash for spending on miscellaneous things.

4. $10,000 ???!!! Holy Cr*p!!!! We were under the impression that Psycho had loaned Caroline something like $500 to $1,000 over the years. (To our knowledge, this hasn't been repaid).

5. ... and now my wife owes Psycho the $10,000 she claims to have loaned Caroline? (Emotions: shock, then laughter, then pity, and a little more laughter)

6. I still haven't found any "extremely mean" e-mails from my wife to Psycho.

7. My wife never said that Psycho was a lousy matron of honor. No one who knows my wife could even imagine her saying something like that. All I ever heard was praise from her of Psycho's contribution to and participation in our wedding ceremony. I believe that, somewhere in Psycho's sick little mind, she first thought that she'd done a lousy job, then imagined my wife telling her that, and now firmly believes that my wife actually said it. And now she tells everybody that? (Or maybe it's because she was my wife's second choice ... Psycho's complained about that over and over).

8. Once again, Psycho suddenly shows interest in Caroline's care only after she's lost control of Caroline's money.



We also received another e-mail from Psycho & Caroline's other sister:


From: [Psycho & Caroline's sister]
Date: Sat, May 21, 2011 at 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: Because I need to know...
To: [Palsgraf & Wife]

[Wife],

[....] I told Sally that in my opinion [Mike] should handle [Caroline's] finances and you should handle her day to day issues, such as medical. After discussing it for quite a while, she seemed to agree. I then called [Mike] Thursday after work and talked to him. He said that an agreement was reached and he would handle the finances, you would handle medical, the house had sold, and the attorney visit was canceled. It seemed like things had sort of settled down, until I read your email this morning.

Her email that you sent to me is a typical Sally email. I can't tell you how many I received due to her not liking how I handle things, such as [sister's son]'s wedding and [Grandfather's] estate. She's right, everyone else is wrong. As I said before, she is a ball buster. At least you didn't have to hear the "have cancer and you'll be more understanding" like I have heard over and over.

[....]

I do hope that this rift between you and Sally won't be permanent. I know it's hard to deal with and also hard to get over.

Hang in there,
[Psycho & Caroline's sister]


Psycho complained about how her sister handled her own son's wedding? Why doesn't that surprise me ... (No, that's not a question).

My wife's brother Mike flew up for a weekend and the two of them went through all of the boxes of Caroline's stuff in our basement, deciding together what to keep or donate or try to sell or pass on to family & friends. He took & delivered to Psycho the china set she insisted on having, as well as the pinecone dish & pitcher that she claimed Caroline had taken from her.

Oh, he also told us why Psycho kept telling him not to sell Caroline's crappy little timeshare. No, it wasn't going to appreciate in value. No, she didn't know a buyer who would give Caroline a fair amount (or better) for it. No ... Psycho wanted it for herself. (Shock!) Perhaps as repayment for the $10,000 she claims Caroline owes her? Mike told her "No way." Heh-heh.

Next: Trying to get Psycho to transfer Caroline's money to Mike, and Where are Caroline's monthly Social Security payments ending up? (You'll never guess!)

[Sapphire Silk]

Nice to know I nailed Sally's personality on the ball

Can't wait for the update, though I think I know where this is headed.

[Palsgraf]

A day or two later we received an e-mail that gave us a laugh ...


From: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
Date: Mon, May 23, 2011 at 5:07 PM
Subject: RE: house closing stuff and money
To: [Palsgraf & Wife]

Just saw this-please do not use my business email. Thanks.


What's so funny?

We'd never used her "business" e-mail address. We hadn't even seen it until we received this message!

It was a reply to one we'd sent her almost two weeks earlier ... but the one we sent we had sent to her personal e-mail that we've used for years.

I hope she realized the mistake she made - and how crazy it made her look - the second she hit the send key.

So is Psycho coming (more) unhinged because of her loss of control over Cheryl's money?



But then ...

This e-mail, from my wife to Psycho & Caroline's other sister, explains it best:


From: [Palsgraf & Wife]
Date: Tue, Sep 6, 2011 at 7:19 PM
Subject: we might need your help
To: [Psycho & Caroline's other sister]

[....]

I don't know if you can help [Wife's brother Mike, Caroline's designated POA over her finances] with Sally. Back in March she and mom had opened a checking account together (big mistake) and got mom's social security payments deposited in it. In July, I had mom sign over her Social Security payments to the [supportive living facility] to help pay for her care. Unfortunately they haven't started to be deposited there yet and they keep ending up in Sally's account. Each month she seems to come up with something else mom "needs." July she had to buy a plot for mom and this month she is flat out refusing to give the money to [Mike]. [Mike] is going to try to talk to her tonight. At this point I don't know how much of the monthly payments she has actually given to [Mike], but my thinking is that mom's care should come first, then we worry about plots , extras, etc. I'm pissed off (excuse me) enough to take mom down to social security and tell them that mom has not been receiving her payments, that her sister has been spending them on other things than her care.

Sorry to lay this in your laps, but maybe someone kind of outside this situation could help.

Thanks,
[Wife]


Yep. Even after Power of Attorney was assigned to Mike, Psycho continued to receive Caroline's Social Security payments ... money that was needed to pay, first and foremost, for Caroline's living expenses and for her medication.

Two or three days later, Psycho sent me some texts, breaking the ice by complaining that she hadn't yet received a thank you note for my oldest daughter's birthday gift:

Hi [Palsgraf]. No thank you for [Z]'s gift. Do you have time to talk this weekend?

and

I'd like to get together with you to talk this weekend. What would work for you?

and

I am asking to meet with you privately. You don't know?

and

I was hoping you'd be the voice of reason. We need to clear the air and move on, of sever our relationships permanently. I did what my sister wanted. I've had a far better relationship with her than [Wife] has. And I've told [Wife] my crime was caring too much for all of you.


I replied:

If this is about [Caroline's] Soc Sec money ... she needs her rent & prescriptions bills paid now more than a cemetery plot or any other well-intentioned items.

and

Maybe you could give [Mike] all but $50 from [Caroline's] account to help pay her bills with, then close it after the monthly Soc Sec deposits get straightened-out.



I put my phone in the bedroom to recharge the batteries while I had dinner. We heard it buzz several times. Before I was finished, I had nine new messages, including:

That's not what this is about.

and

You would be very surprised btw if you knew the outings and restaurants that we've taken [Caroline] to. [....]


No, I probably wouldn't be "very surprised" to know all the restaurants & outings Sally takes Caroline to. The visitors log at the security desk of Caroline's building shows how often people come to visit and take out the residents. Sally comes about once a month. The last time was when she took Caroline to the body parts exhibit at the Museum of Science & Industry http://www.msichicago.org/whats-here...acts/muscular/ (that Caroline told us was "very disturbing and depressing"). That's also when Sally told Carolline that she wasn't going to return her ([Caroline's]) computer because she (Sally) needed it for her job and that [Caroline] didn't need it.

Sally never did tell me what she wanted to talk about ...

[XCashier]

The last time was when she took Caroline to the body parts exhibit at the Museum of Science & Industry http://www.msichicago.org/whats-here...acts/muscular/ (that Caroline told us was "very disturbing and depressing").

Why would PAS take an elderly woman suffering from Alzheimers to see that?! That's like rubbing it in! (I doubt very strongly that Caroline suggested the show. Sounds like mental abuse on PAS's part.)

Dear God. I sincerely hope Caroline's other siblings will step in and help sort out the mess. You may need legal aid to untangle PAS from all of this, maybe get a permanent restraining order against her. (IANAL) Something must be done or poor Caroline's going to be up shit creek without a boat, never mind a paddle.

[42_42_42]

You would be very surprised btw if you knew the outings and restaurants that we've taken [Caroline] to. [....]

And that has what to do with the price of tea in China?

[Palsgraf]

My brother-in-law had had enough of trying to get Psycho Aunt Sally to just surrender the money, so he took the Power of Attorney forms Caroline had signed down to the bank, closed her account with Psycho, and transferred what was left (that Psycho hadn't already spent!) into a new one in his and his mother's names only.

But apparently Mike didn't bother to tell Psycho that he'd done this.

And Psycho ... she accused my wife of doing it!

Closing Psycho Aunt Sally's account was the cake, and Psycho making an a** of herself by sending a nasty e-mail to my wife (without even confirming it first!) was the icing!

As the old MasterCard commercials said ... "Priceless."



From: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
Date: Tue, Sep 13, 2011 at 10:25 AM
Subject: touching base and good bye
To: [Wife]
Cc: [Wife's brother Mike]

[Palsgraf's Wife],

[Mike] and I have been communicating about the checking account, yet you took it upon yourself to close this out rather than working with us. I have been extremely good to your Mom in taking her to shows and restaurants, parks and museums. We spoke this Sunday about doing some Christmas shopping for your family next month. Apparantly you do not care about her having any happiness in her life, which the time left to have happiness is limited. [My husband] and I do not have the money to entertain [Caroline] on a weekly basis, so unfortunately I will no longer be able to do these things. I hope that you can pick up the slack.

I am copying [Mike] in on this email so that if a cemetery plot can be found near the family, he can mail the check to [church] in [town], which I was supposed to do.

Just to let you know [Caroline] is more than welcome to have Thanksgiving at my house but we will all be in California this year for Christmas with [Psycho's daughter's] boyfriend's family, so please plan on having her for both Christmas Eve and Christmas this year.

I think it's best for me to say that our relationship is irreparable. I will remember you as a wonderful niece and loving cousin for the first 30 years of your life, but a mean spirited and spiteful person from the moment you married.

Aunt Sally



Yee-haw!!!!!!

Damn, that was fun!!!

Let that be a warning to you! If you get married and have a life of your own and, despite doing many, many, many of the things Psycho wants you to do, you just don't have time to do everything she wants exactly the way she wants it ... you will (in her opinion) be a mean spirited and spiteful person.

And God forbid you might actually disagree with her!

Boy, I bet she's gonna have to make a HUGE apology when she realizes that my wife had nothing to do with it. Maybe she'll send her a card, or flowers, or call to apologize, or ... oh, what's this? Another e-mail ...


From: [Psycho Aunt Sally]
Date: Tue, Sep 13, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Subject:
To: [Mike]
Cc: [Palsgraf's Wife]

[Mike],

Thanks for calling and for clearing up the mysterious checking account disappearance.

[....] I'll touch base and find out where we are at with [the cemetery plot]. If a plot is found, I'll email you where to send the check.

In addition, any outings with your Mom in the future will be followed up with a receipt and the expectation that I will be reimbursed. Since I start another job in 2 weeks and will be commuting up North, I won't have as much time to get to your Mom on weekends. I'll do what I can.

Aunt Sally



What? That's it? Only a CC on an e-mail to my wife's brother-in-law?! I think I need new glasses again, because I can't see where the apology part is!

Not to detract from the Where's the Apology? theme here, but it sure is classy for Psycho to explain upfront that she'll expect to be compensated for all expenses in taking her sister out for lunch, etc.

And I wondered if she invited herself to her daughter's boyfriend's family's home during Christmas. I can't imagine they'd invite her if they knew her ...

[Edit: Afterthought ... why is it that when my wife does something Psycho doesn't like, that makes her a mean spirited and spiteful person; but when my wife's brother Mike does something Psycho doesn't like, she thanks him for explaining that he'd done it? Perhaps he hadn't spent enough time with Psycho for her to feel that she should be able to - even believe she has the right to - emotionally manipulate him? She can't pull her "After all the things I've done for you!" c*** on him.]

[Kristev]

Now that I've read through this whole thing, this is clear elder abuse. Something must be done to protect "Caroline" from Sally.

And I mean something serious. Not just a P. O. A. that could be rescinded the moment Sally is alone with her again.

Adult protective services seems a fair avenue.

[XCashier]

Now that I've read through this whole thing, this is clear elder abuse. Something must be done to protect "Caroline" from Sally.

And I mean something serious. Not just a P. O. A. that could be rescinded the moment Sally is alone with her again.

Adult protective services seems a fair avenue.

Agreed. Sally is a gold-digger at best, a sociopath at worst (I'm leaning towards the latter) and will stop at nothing to get everything she can out of Caroline. I really think that you, your wife and Mike need to get together and get with adult protective services. Get the law on your side.

[flybye023]

If I'm understanding right, Caroline is in some kind of nursing/assisted living place now? Is there a way to say "we don't want So-and-So to take Caroline out"? Is this even something the family would want to do to PAS?

[Merriweather]

OMG. I just found this thread, and it was like a train wreck, I didn't want to watch, but couldn't stop my self from reading thru it all.

I've been there, done that, on some of what you're going through, though nowhere near the extent that your problems have been over this. I do hope you don't mind that I actually draw a tiny bit of comfort from the fact that I'm not alone in having toxic family members (I won't go into any of it, perhaps I'll start my own thread some day - I've always said I could write a book about my family, but if I did, it would have to be listed as fiction because no one would ever believe it was all true, LOL).

I do think the best thing you can do is think of what would be the worst thing Aunt Sally could manage to do - and take steps to prevent it. If she never tries it, you're fine, and if she does, you're covered. You might consider checking into not allowing her to visit, unless you think that would upset your mother in law.

And do NOT let your brother in law re-imburse your aunt for expenses involved in visiting your mother in law and taking her out. I can't believe (well, ok, I can but I don't want to) that your aunt has been going on about taking her sister on outings, and all the while she's been taking money so that her sister actually is footing the bill for everyone(and I'm sure had no idea). How low can you get, to take money from your own sister who has Alzeimers (and from what you have said, it doesn't sound like she has money to spare).

I rarely wish ill on people, but I have to hope that your aunt Sally ends up in the worst of nursing homes, being drained dry by her own children (and without Alzheimers, so she is totally aware of how they're treating her).

My best wishes to you, and your wife, and your mother in law. Never let anyone make you feel bad for any decissions you have made, nor let them convince you that you haven't done way more than the average person