Smile!

[Food Lady]

I'm sure most of you know how I feel about this order. I got it outside of work today. I was taking a walk in a neighborhood I really like--that I make the effort to drive to, mind you--when I rounded a corner on my right. I happened to glance at a house across the street where a man and 2 women were standing, putting up pumpkins and such. I just barely glanced and went on. As soon as I get my back to them, I hear it: "Smile!" It was unmistakable. I didn't even have any interaction with them; I was totally minding my own business. If I were a 200-lb guy, I guarantee you he wouldn't have ordered me to do anything at all.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

And I guarantee you that if he had been a woman, he wouldnt of done it, either. Some guys think strange women owe them something. It's a pathetic little power game.

[Aethian]

Or maybe he just wanted to see a pretty woman smile? How is that a power game? Sometimes just a little smile can brighten the smilers day...

[BookstoreEscapee]

Maybe not a conscious power game, but I can say I've never been told to smile by any stranger that wasn't male (usually older than me, too), and I never heard any of my male coworkers told to smile by the same customers who would tell me to do so. I don't tend to get too worked about it but I do find it a bit condescending. Maybe I don't want to smile. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe my goldfish just died. You don't know. And if I'm just walking past you and not interacting with you in any way, why do you feel the need to tell me what my expression should be?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Or maybe he just wanted to see a pretty woman smile? How is that a power game? Sometimes just a little smile can brighten the smilers day...

Well, then he should do or say something worthy of a smile, if that's what he wants. You dont' walk up to a total ass stranger who's minding her own business and try to get her to perform like a trained fucking dog.

That a total ass stranger "wants to see her smile" does not create one iota of obligation in her. She doesn't owe him anything. He doesn't know what kind of day she's having, but yet, she has to put on a mask of some sort to please him?

He has the very real option of going up to someone he knows and saying "You know, I could use a smile from a friend right now." if he needs a pick me up.

Maybe it's not a power game. Maybe he's just clueless because he's seen other men do it and it seems harmless to him. However, when you consider that that request, when it goes ignored, is all too often followed up with "Hey, why can't you be nice?" or "You're not very friendly" or "Well, fuck you, then, bitch!", you can probably see why a lot of women get put pretty much immediately on the defensive when they hear some stranger demand this of them.

I have NEVER been told this by a woman. And I challenge anyone to find a man who's had another man say it to them.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Ophelia Benson has a post on her blog on this topic...actually, more than one...

[Food Lady]

Ophelia Benson has a post on her blog on this topic...actually, more than one...

I should print out copies and carry them with me to hand out to guys like that. I see the act today as passive-aggressive since I was already past them, with my bac to them. Was I supposed to stop, turn around, walk across the street and bow to his demand?

[BookstoreEscapee]

I used to get it at work, so of course I couldn't really say anything..

[Mishi]

I have been told to smile by a girl before! She was an extremely drunk teenager, I was heavily pregnant and wanted to go to bed but was attending my B-I-L's birthday party because I'd promised that I would. I grinned at her later though, when I was cleaning up and bandaging the foot she'd sliced open (wearing gloves of course). For some reason, she didn't appreciate the smile that she'd earlier asked for...

[iradney]

Or maybe he just wanted to see a pretty woman smile? How is that a power game? Sometimes just a little smile can brighten the smilers day...

It's a power game because they're telling you how to feel. People don't smile when they don't feel like smiling. And quite frankly, I personally don't care if a complete stranger just wants to see me smile. My feelings and my needs outweigh his/hers by a few tons. So if I'm having a day where I'm missing someone, or I'm just being introspective, don't tell me to smile.You want me to smile? Tell me a good joke (or a lame one). Betcha fur you'll get a smile then.

[Kogarashi]

Or maybe he just wanted to see a pretty woman smile? How is that a power game? Sometimes just a little smile can brighten the smilers day...

Best way to get one of those, then, is to smile first. Unless someone is too grouchy to be swayed, I've always been able to get a smile out of someone by smiling first. In that case, too, I'm offering something in return, and not telling them how to act.

[firecat88]

Well, then he should do or say something worthy of a smile, if that's what he wants. You dont' walk up to a total ass stranger who's minding her own business and try to get her to perform like a trained fucking dog.

Best way to get one of those, then, is to smile first.

Yes and doubly yes. Smile at me, tell a joke, strike up a particularly good conversation with me (or even just say 'hey, how's it goin'?'), or, hell, just be laughing about something when I'm in the immediate vicinity and I guarantee I will smile right back. Trying to make me smile on command, though, will only get you rewarded with me saying the following: "You realize that demanding that I smile/cheer up doesn't actually work and actually kinda irritates me, right?" And, yes, I have said this before. Mostly to my dad, who thinks that cheering me up when I'm in a mood really is as simple as saying "Well, just get happy." in a similar tone as one being told to go empty the dishwasher or take out the trash.

[MoonCat]

I hate this. What is it with people who tell total strangers to smile? Am I the only one who thinks it's creepy and weird when someone walks around with a huge smile on their face?*


*I mean when they are simply walking down the street, getting on a bus, walking through a store---not interacting with anyone, not listening to music or a phone conversation...just walking along smiling. I dunno, seems odd to me.

[XCashier]

Ophelia Benson has a post on her blog on this topic...actually, more than one...

Here's another good blog post about being commanded to smile. (I think it was RK who first put it in a post here a while ago)

[Food Lady]

I hate this. What is it with people who tell total strangers to smile? Am I the only one who thinks it's creepy and weird when someone walks around with a huge smile on their face?* *I mean when they are simply walking down the street, getting on a bus, walking through a store---not interacting with anyone, not listening to music or a phone conversation...just walking along smiling. I dunno, seems odd to me.

Yes, it's creepy, and my former coworker does it. I'm sorry to say, but I associate it with simple-mindedness.