In which I'm a failure again

[dragon_wings]

My brain is just really messed up because of my parents. I don't want to dissapoint people because then they won't love me anymore.

My ex really fucked with my head. My boyfriend has helped me get over or past most of the issues but some of them are just gonna take some time.

Right now I'm trying to help a friend who's had such a tough life. She's scared of her dad even though she lives with her grandparents. She's so emotionally abused it hurts me. I'm the first person she's ever met that's treated her like she deserves.

Your parents *suck* so badly. And I agree with everyone that's said your family needs you. Abuse has lasting effects. I only endured a year of abuse but you and my friend endured years.

Oh and math? Can be a tricky bugger. :P You're brill and don't believe otherwise.

[Mytical]

I've thought long and hard about what I was going to say, but couldn't seem to find the words. So I will make it as direct as I can. Not doing well in a class doesn't make you a failure. Dropping a class does not either. I've done both. A person learns a lot when they suffer a set back. Honestly the only way one can fail is to just give up and never try it again. I don't see that happening with you.

I say what I think, and think what I say. I see the amazing in people, and I wish I was half as smart and talented as you are. Would consider myself a success if I was. So..just don't give up..and you will succeed.

[Kanalah]

Well I heard from the records dept at school. They withdrew me from the online math class. I still can't register for spring classes yet, so I'll still have to head down there and find out what's up. Hopefully next week though, since I have a show this weekend.

I still am amazed at all the well-wishes. I guess it's kinda sad that I'm not used to people being nice to me. Then again, the things I heard from my parents most often while I was child were "You ruined my life.", "shoulda had an abortion.", and the ever popular "why can't you just run away or commit suicide or something?"

So yeah, I'm almost 30 and still trying to fix 19 years of that.

Seshat, you're probably right on with the t-shirt thing. I really haven't bought anything for myself since I got my maternity clothes back in 2006. I'm sure I'm due (no pun intended) for some new clothes.

I'm positive that I won't be taking any more online classes though. I'm actually toying around with taking the same class in spring.

Again, thank you guys so much for all the kind words. You have no idea how much it means to me.

[Seraph]

I'm positive that I won't be taking any more online classes though. I'm actually toying around with taking the same class in spring.

Those can be the most brutal thing EVER. Unless you're extremely comfortable with the subject, its just insanely difficult to deal with it practically by yourself. I'd prefer an in-class course over online just about any day of the week, really. Its amazing how much different the learning experience is that way.

Sure, online's convenient, but sometimes its more stress than it's worth.

Keep your chin up, things will get better, and to reiterate everyone like a broken record, this definitely does not make you a failure.

<big huggles and e-brownies>

[Raveni]

Kanalah, still loving your parents and caring about their love after all the things that they have said to you... Well, that shows what a really awesome person you are.

I hope that things get better, and feel that they will as you work through this. Find some support from either your husband, your friends, or a professional. Kick that "x"'s butt until it never needs to be solved anymore. Good luck, and remember to let us celebrate with you too!

[RootedPhoenix]

*hughughugs Kanalah*

We love you and we need you here. <3

[BookstoreEscapee]

I still am amazed at all the well-wishes.

You've been around this place for <checks join date> almost 4 years and you're surprised at that?

Signed,
Math Is The Reason I Majored In English

[Seshat]

Seshat, you're probably right on with the t-shirt thing. I really haven't bought anything for myself since I got my maternity clothes back in 2006. I'm sure I'm due (no pun intended) for some new clothes.

Consider sewing yourself something. Make sure to put our love in every stitch.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

You know, I often feel as if I've disappointed my husband...because I have low self-esteem, and frankly, he often gives off that "I'm disappointed in you" vibe. But you know what? He disappoints me too, in many ways, and sometimes it seems intentional. I've had to teach myself that if he can't love me for who I am, *I* am better off without *him*. Fortunately it's not usually that bad, and I can make him see the light if he gets on my case too much.

In short, you sound to me like a very good, nice, and talented person...and anyone who can't see that doesn't deserve you. In your case I get the feeling that your husband might be more understanding than you expect, and as for your daughter...she's a kid. I doubt she really hates you, but even if she thinks she does, one day she will likely realize how good she had it, and hopefully she'll wise up.

Just do what you can, Kanalah...that's all any of us can do in this screwed-up world. And love yourself.

[Kanalah]

Yeah except I can't sew clothing. :wink:

[ArcticChicken]

Yeah except I can't sew clothing. :wink:

How about a quilted bracelet or belt?

[morgana]

How about a quilted bracelet or belt?

Or vest? Or calculator cover? Or necklace? Or . . .

We WANT to help, Kanalah. You are NOT worthless to us.

[dragon_wings]

We WANT to help, Kanalah. You are NOT worthless to us.

QFT!

[Kanalah]

I will probably go out on a mini shopping spree. I need scrubs and a lab jackets for school/work and I'd love to get some new shirts. I don't have a dr who shirt, or a ponies shirt, or a firefly shirt or even a quilting shirt. "A fat quarter is not a body part", anyone?

Growing up with so much negative around me, the outpouring of love and support I find here is just stunning. It reminds that the world really is a nice place to be in.

[Seshat]

A DOCTOR WHO SHIRT!!!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-app...pculture/988c/