Feeling Guilty

[HappyFun Ball]

A bit of bg, I am pregnant, I did not want to be pregnant, I did almost everything in my power to prevent it and I am putting the baby up for adoption. I found a real nice couple who desperately wants a baby.


Here lately I've just been feeling guilty that I don't want the baby, I'm not having 2nd thoughts or anything, I just I don't know.. It's a very odd feeling to love something so much and not want it at the same time.

[Raveni]

The only advice that I can give you is that your feelings are real. All of them. Even the ones that conflict with each other. It's okay to feel that way, even though it kinda sucks sometimes.

If it makes you feel better, I (random stranger you have never met) think that you are doing a wonderful thing. You will have lots of emotional feelings focused around keeping the baby safe and caring for it. If this nice couple will be better able to care for the baby, then you have shown a love that few are capable of by choosing adoption.

[tropicsgoddess]

I think you're doing the right thing with the baby. I know it's tough with all the conflicting emotions, but you have your head and heart in the right place.

[Shpepper]

If you are not already doing it, you might want to talk to someone who specializes in adoption counseling. What you are feeling is totally normal and natural. You are doing a wonderful thing for the baby's parents. But it is also normal for you to start having feelings about things. Talking might help. Good luck.

[Cookie]

I don't know enough about being on your side of the situation to really offer more than what's already been said. However, I have multiple friends who have adopted and waited years to get a baby. The joy on that end of the process of receiving the baby is overwhelming. I've seen the kids grow up happy, taken care of, and well loved. Maybe that's some comfort.

[BlaqueKatt]

It's a very odd feeling to love something so much and not want it at the same time.

not at all, I gave up a baby for adoption when I was in my teens(the sex that caused conception was not consensual). I went through similar emotions, I wrote him a letter, explaining everything, I also kept a journal of my daily thoughts about him, his adoptive parents, my life, and who I was at the time. I also wrote down medical histories for my family and what little I knew of his father's family, and also that if he had any questions I hadn't answered he was welcome to find me when he turned 18. I put it all in a shoebox,(along with some photos of myself and his father) and gave it to his parents to give him if he ever asked. I've heard from his parents a few times, and according to them, he has no questions I didn't answer, but he has kept the box and it's contents as "the best gift I gave him."

[Lyse]

*Hugs*. Sadly, feelings and emotions don't respond very well to logic, do they? You may know for a certainty that you are doing the best thing possible for you, the baby, and even the adoptive parents and still have guilt over this. I second the idea of seeing a counselor that specializes in adoption.

Just remember that your feelings are never "wrong" or "inappropriate" - don't let anyone tell you that you should or shouldn't feel a certain way, not even yourself. Actions can be judged, but emotions never should.

Adoption can be a stressful and emotional event, even during the best of circumstances. I sincerely hope that you have a supportive person that is there for you. For what it's worth, I think that you should be proud of your choices and maturity about a very difficult situation.

[ArcticChicken]

All I can say is that I think I'd feel the same way if I were in your situation.

[Mishi]

You're a brave and wonderful person, never forget that! *hugs*
I don't know if I could do it, but I respect and admire you for placing the baby and for bringing such joy to others. Your feelings are valid, they matter and you matter to us! So please talk to a counsellor if and when you can.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Seriously...you are a better woman than I, HFB. Please don't feel guilty...it has to be really, really tough to go through a pregnancy, something so personal and intimate, knowing the outcome will be different than it is for most people. I do hope you can get some counseling and that you will be able to see what a great thing you are doing. *hugs*

[Seraph]

I know this is going to sound weird, but thank you. Thank you for your choice, and what you're doing.