Very Very Not Happy....Actually Friggen Pissed

[Seshat]

I think once people realised it was wisdom-teeth time, we knew you'd probably be in recovery from that; which explains the silence.

However the update sounds promising.

We wish you well.

[Kisa]

Sorry for the lack of posts and I hope I didn't worry anybody. I'm ok and safe. I got all 4 wisdom teeth surgically removed Saturday morning under I.V. anesthesia and was send home with stitches, Penicillin 500mg, Dexamethasone .75mg, and Vicodin 500mg. With the anesthesia, swelling, bleeding and pain over the first day, I couldn't even see straight or stay awake long enough to do anything but take my pills. Day 2 I spent trying to remain conscious and walking around with help a bit. Today I was still dizzy and my face and throat area is still very swollen so talking and chewing is very difficult. I did get a text from my friend yesterday regarding his cousin. My friend has successfully cleared the call and text history from all 3 phones, deleted my number from 2, and changed my number on the third phone to a disconnected number so now his cousin thinks I changed my number and has finally stopped harassing me. I have also talked to my friend and he agreed to stop helping his cousin hide his illegal phones and make him do things on his own. I have taken self defense classes in the past and do have the number for the police in my phone. I decided as long as his cousin is living there, I will not go over to his house. I told him I no longer feel safe over there.

I think I caught all my typos but I am still disoriented so my apologies for any mistakes in this post. I just wanted to update everyone so no one worries

[PhiSigGirl1988]

Kisa, I think pretty much everyone here has covered everything, so I'll just say that I wish you the best of luck (and a fast recovery with the wisdom teeth). If you need any more suggestions or anything, let me know. I, too, am a Michigan girl and while I haven't personally gone through anything this bad, a couple of my friends have and so I've heard things from them.

[Jester]

Did you talk with Jester?

Not as of yet, no.

However - in the last 5 years or so things have changed. I cycle a lot, and my last job involved slinging large bags of pet food around. I have about 20 pounds more muscle on me than you'd guess, and it feels so good to know I can run if I have to (or kick the living crap out of someone, whichever). I'd never have believed it of myself.

Stop it...you're turning me on.

[Buglady]

Women, with our wider pelvises, are stronger at carrying heavy things around our hips than at our shoulders. ...

I have been doing pack fittings for a lot of women at my new job, and every single one of them has been surprised how much weight she can manage in a properly fitted pack with a hip belt. They've all had husbands or boyfriends set up their backpacks in the past, putting too much on the shoulders and throwing them off balance. All of these women thought they were wimpy until they learned where their centre of gravity was, and just how much sheer physical *power* they had in their hips and legs.

The really fun part is when the husband/boyfriend scoffs, says it can't possibly make that much difference, and tries to pick up the loaded pack

That said, becoming fit will always help in a danger situation. If you have that option, take it. And a style of fitness that helps you effectively deal with risky situations is useful.

Amen on the fitness. Again, the benefits are not just physical, but mental as well. I'm a fairly tall woman (5'8"), but kind of skinny. I was pretty inactive through my 20s and honestly not strong at all. I felt timid and scared a lot of the time - and also resentful, that my freedom to move around in my city was limited by fear.

However - in the last 5 years or so things have changed. I cycle a lot, and my last job involved slinging large bags of pet food around. I have about 20 pounds more muscle on me than you'd guess, and it feels so good to know I can run if I have to (or kick the living crap out of someone, whichever). I'd never have believed it of myself.

My boss asked me last year if I was worried about working at night. I told him I wore steel-toed shoes and had a lot of repressed rage, so no, I was fine with it! (...he thought I was kidding. I wasn't, much. I think I might be getting in touch with my berserker heritage).

Once a woman begins to feel more confident in terms of physical fitness, too, I think it makes her less likely to get sucked into the unhealthy social and dating situations that hinge on that whole "being nice" thing. Maybe once you move out of one "feminine" stereotype it makes it easier to question the rest?

[Kaylyn]

I would definitely try to find a women's self-defense course. And if you would like to build on the basics and can afford it, and are interested in martial arts, check out aikido. When done right, and not movie-fied like Steven Seagal's version of it, it is one of the purest self-defense arts out there. It's excellent for women because it's completely centered around throwing off the opponent's center of balance so you can get away. There's not a lot of punching or kicking; I know there are a few different styles, mine had absolutely ZERO punching/kicking as part of the art itself, merely used as tools to learn how to defend against said punches/kicks.

The hardest part is training yourself to move in a direction the attacker will not expect. We are wired to resist and push back; a woman can't do that, and can't overpower a larger attacker that way. You have to learn to move away and out of the direction of the attack, thus causing the attacker to stumble off balance where you can get him in a hold or else get the hell away.

When I took aikido (long time ago and I can't remember much of it, nor did I get very far in it) they took great joy in pitting me against the hugest guy in the class. It was actually easier to go against him rather than the tiny wiry guy because his center of balance was so high when he attacked me. We had a little seminar where the president and highest rank in our organization came over from Arizona and he, at one point, stopped the class and ran me through drills while everyone watched, then said, "She's doing this to perfection, because that's the only way she CAN do this against someone like him." And then he gave me my green belt. :P

[Seshat]

LEVERAGE. If it comes to it (and i hope it doesn't. really really hope it doesnt) size doesn't matter, if you get the better leverage (not to mention the right place/joint/goolies (on that note, OWWW Jester.)) you will be able to get jerk off you, and hightail it.

Fine, yes, if I get a good brace/grip, I'm either not moving or you are. But then we introduce my friend 'A'. Who is a foot shorter, and roughly half my weight. The minute my structure breaks, either I dance like a monkey or i dedicate every limb to bracing again, not to keeping hold of 'A'.

If you're a female with 'pear shaped' body doing judo (hippy, not so shouldery), you'll probably find that hip throws are always easier for you than throws that require using your arms.

Leverage.

'Good child-bearing hips' are also excellent hip-throw hips.

[Eisa]

For my abusive ex, I changed his ringtone to "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'."

Hope the wisdom teeth came out easy.

[ApolloSZ]

I want to re-iterate something Seshat said.

LEVERAGE. If it comes to it (and i hope it doesn't. really really hope it doesnt) size doesn't matter, if you get the better leverage (not to mention the right place/joint/goolies (on that note, OWWW Jester.)) you will be able to get jerk off you, and hightail it.


That specific argument comes up at training with Noobs. "But ApolloSZ is huge. He'll just throw me around easily"

Fine, yes, if I get a good brace/grip, I'm either not moving or you are. But then we introduce my friend 'A'. Who is a foot shorter, and roughly half my weight. The minute my structure breaks, either I dance like a monkey or i dedicate every limb to bracing again, not to keeping hold of 'A'.

[RootedPhoenix]

Kisa,

No advice, but lots of *hugs*. Good luck with the wisdom teeth too.

[Seshat]

If she's just had four wisdom teeth out, she may not be in much condition to type.

Best of luck for a rapid recovery, Kisa!

[It's me]

Lots of advice here, not very much Kisa!

Kisa, things any better? Did you talk with Jester?

[Jester]

An alternative to what Pepper Elf said is to assign one ringtone just to him, so you know immediately that he's calling, and can silence and/or ignore the call/text completely. For a horrible ex-girlfriend, I had ELO's "Evil Woman" as her ring tone.

For this guy, Beck's "Loser" might work.
Perhaps Natalie Imbruglia's "Leave Me Alone."
Maybe even "Hit the Road Jack."

I'm sure there are lots of songs that would lend themselves well to such a ringtone, actually. Those are just a few off the top of my pointy little head.

[PepperElf]

glad to see you're not going to meet him!

and yeah i hope that you do involve the police no matter what you decide to do with your phone.


And... if you'd like a cheap way to ignore his calls, you may want to consider using a silent ringer for him. i had that option on one of my old phones. and i'm pretty sure i could make one too. that way if he tries calling you sure it will ring but you won't hear it. (although you may have a risk of answering your phone by accident if you try to call out when he's calling you).

[Jester]

There are a lot of great suggestions here, but of course what the best course of action will be will depend on the actual situation. So, if you do find yourself being attacked, one of the best things you can do, as difficult as it will be, will be to keep your head, stay as calm as you can, and figure out your attacker's weak spot or vulnerable area, and then take your shot at the first opportunity. Losing your head is natural, of course, but probably won't do much for your situation.

I know that this forum does not advocate violence, but I think when it comes to self-defense, as being discussed here, it's a whole different thing.