*headdesk*

[BeenThereDoneThat]

This fits my MIL to a T, though she does not have dementia. She is nearly 86, has both bad hearing and bad vision, and was widowed in March 2010...neither of them really wanted to go anywhere for a while before my FIL died and now it's really hard to get my MIL to go anywhere or do anything. We want to include her in family things but her place is so small and she chain smokes (with only a few other family members being smokers, and they go outside). I know she's depressed and anxious, and even takes some meds for it, but other than that she's kind of refusing all other kinds of treatment, including just getting out of the house for a while.

[Kanalah]

Well, if we want to leave the house, we have to borrow her car.

I was able to get her to go grocery shopping, and that wore her out for 2 days. We hit the mall yesterday to get the rest of the holiday shopping done.

Where she lives there is a *ton* of traffic if you don't leave at the right time/drive in the right direction. And she takes forever to convince her to leave the house so by the time we do get out, she's like "see, I told you there's too much traffic." And she's deaf in one ear and everything turns into a screaming match. It's funny if I'm not having a panic attack over the shouting.

I'm hoping after Christmas to hit the local quilting store and get some fabric therapy. At least I know now that I can drive by myself around a little bit.

And all of hubby's family lives within 10 miles of each other and never visits. And MIL doesn't believe that my family is crazy.

Edit: forgot to mention that even though we've been married for nearly 10 years, it is still verboten for us to sleep in the same room. :sad:

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Edit: forgot to mention that even though we've been married for nearly 10 years, it is still verboten for us to sleep in the same room. :sad:

Ugh!! That would annoy me no end.

My MIL no longer has a car...no need since she can't see to drive.

[Kanalah]

I want to watch something other then the religious channel. >.> We have to stay up late to watch any real TV.

Some of his family has come to visit and no one says more then 2 words to me. Hubby's not helping, he just talks about how awesome he is. I'm just hubby's wife, no mention of what I do or the freaking award winning quilting work and all the cool stuff I do. Oh no, I'm just the farking babysitter.

I'm starting to get really pissed off with all this bullshit. I'm a slave whether I stay married or if I leave him.

[CalyCoRose]

Kanalah - been there done that. Because I am a SAHM, my BILs and their wives think I have nothing better to do than sit around watching my daughter and the other 2 kids. Yes, I'll watch my daughter. She gets in to everything, and doesn't have a concept of danger. What else am I supposed to do?

*le sigh*

I'm free on Monday and Friday this upcoming week. Just PM and I'll try to see what I can do.

[Midnight12]

makes me wish i lived closer to Caly and Kanalah. Or at least a way to get to them both.
Free baby sitting. or rather i'd babysit as long as i had snacks and a bed to crash on. I've done it before for a year and a half for one family.

[BlaqueKatt]

Ree, depression is insidious. To those suffering from it, they often think they are troubling their friends by talking about it, or talking about the way it makes them feel. Sometimes, they are so beaten down by the depression that the very idea of seeking or asking for help is something they think would be a burden on others, and they just don't want to be.

or like in my case and from what kanalah has said, people that don't understand depression will accuse those suffering from it of being drama queens, attention seekers, making people worry, making people feel bad, etc. I personally have gotten all of the above in the past two weeks. It sucks, and so you stop taking, and all the people that were kicking you while you were down stop because "they won, and see how much better things are now that you've stopped trying to bring others down/get attention/being a drama queen", when in reality your just hiding it to keep from being hurt further. I know, it's where I'm at right now, even though I've suffered for at least 3 years, I'm still accused of being an "attention whore", by people that post pictures from their weekly trips to the ER.

I've been accused of faking my depression to "steal attention" from someone(hubs' sister) who was "a little sad"(her words), because she chose to go out partying while hubs and I were with their dying grandfather(also who wears a mini skirt to a funeral? as in the girl's backside was visible peeking out under her hemline), yes I've been plotting this for three years, I'm psychic.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

In my case I'm apparently using my depression as an excuse to be lazy and to make my poor long-suffering husband do "all the work" around here. Never mind that he works at home, one job, and uses the rest of the time just about exactly how he pleases. At least I'm not a moody, passive aggressive little bitch like he can be...

[Kanalah]

Oh yeah.

And me sleeping a lot is because I'm lazy and not because it's the worst time of year emotionally for me. So many flashbacks of watching everyone else open gifts from Santa and hearing "Well you were a terrible child this year!"

Hoping to hit the fabric store today. Mom is complaining that all we do is loaf around. I would love to go out and do stuff, but then Mom doesn't want to go anywhere and then complains that we don't want to spend time with her. I'm developing a serious eye twitch.

I did impress her by hemming her pants. She was complaining that no one wants to help her and hubby made her go get her pants. Took me about 20 minutes to hem them :P

[spark]

Sheesh.

I think maybe you need to find some way to be elsewhere. I mean... I always say that I love *my* family best at about 800 miles away, and they're not abusive like yours are, just sometimes really annoying. I wouldn't want to put up with having them in my lap all the time, I can't even picture putting up with the crap you get.

I mean, my mother just refuses to fully accept that I'm a grown adult, because I haven't got kids. Nevermind I'm in my 30s, because I don't have children I can't possibly know as much as she did at my age, since she had four of them by then. *sigh* I have a vast array of experiences she's never had at all, and in some ways I know more than she does now, nevermind more than she did at my age! I just lack in the specific realm of "being a mother." It's gotten better since I got married, before then it was really bad, but it still occasionally crops up and irritates me. But being told that I'll understand when I'm older when I disagree with her is only mildly annoying compared to being treated like some kind of slave.

(I guess this is now the "gripe about your mother" thread. )

[Kanalah]

Ran out yesterday to take hubby to the train store and myself to the fabric store. Spent alllll afternoon out.

I think there's a disconnect because MIL argues about everything but it's loving (so says hubby). My mom argues with you and it disintrigrates into a personal attack pretty quickly. So everytime I hear her and hubby start in, it just dregs up all those bad memories. Not enough for a panic attack, but enough to start to make me defensive and get my hackles up.

I've been sewing up all the fabric I brought, and I bought enough yesterday to make 2 twin size quilts. Also picked up my first Breyer traditional scale model. I keep squeeing over it, I've always wanted one.

And tomorrow I get to go out to lunch. Yesterday HUbby said the magic words of "maybe we'll go home early."

Edit: At home I'm usually alone, my family usually wants nothing to do with me until Really Big Craft Show time.

[Teysa]

Hmm. With the stories you've told about your family, I think I'd be tempted to be out of town, getting my nails done, off the planet, or something of the sort when it comes time for the Really Big Craft Show.

[Kanalah]

Yeah except Really Big Craft Show makes me a butt-load of money, and I get public exposure for my business.

I'm not kidding when I call it the Really Big Craft Show. I think last year it pulled in 6 million people.

And now that I made plans to get out of the house and see some friends, Mom threw a fit. "You're here to see me, not your friends!" So she made plans to go out and do her own thing, leaving us without a car. And yes she made these plans after we told her what our plans were.

Still trying to salvage though.

Edit, son of edit: Woohoo! Hubby is making arrangements with the car rental place to leave next week!

Edit revolutions: And mom's hissy fit means I won't get to see people. I'm gonna go sew so I don't injure people.

[Midnight12]

reminds me of my grandmother's fits. if she didn't get the one thing she wanted or go out when she wanted to the whole day is "just ruined" and everyone gets made miserable....i feel your pain Kanalah

[Kanalah]

Yeah she's pretty set in her very odd ways. She's not OCD, but she puts neat freaks to shame. In contrast, my own mother is a hoarder. I like to think I'm in the middle, I keep my house clean and as neat as I can with two kids, but I know when I get home I'll feel like a slob for a few days.

Mom has lots of white furniture and rugs, and everything must be cleaned daily. I'm not talking dusting, I'm saying full on scrub carpets, vacuum, dust, wipe down wood and counters. Her house looks like a magazine photoshoot.

We have to handwash and dry all the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher to wash.

Her trash has to be clean too. Even paper plates have to be clean before going in the trash. All food trash goes in the disposal.

I've learned from her that despite my children being polite and respectful in her home that they are still brats and need to be hit with a belt.

Also apparently my depression isn't real and I'm being a drama queen. Because I'm the evil person that "stole" her son away from her and took him halfway across the country. Also the rest of his family feels that same way about me because I'm ignored when they come to visit.

And his refuse to come and visit us in Oklahoma because we're all a bunch of inbred hicks, and they are high-class city people. I love to entertain guests and haven't had the opportunity in years.

I am so glad we're leaving next week. I can't wait to get home, take a hot bath in my awesome tub and spoil my cat rotten.